Author Archives: Amy Jane

Ministering to my Husband

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I “let” my husband go out snowmachining today, and have seen such provision throughout today that I had another revelation.  Sort-of tied to my post below.

Partly I think that God is easing my way so that I’ll be more willing to allow Jay his own “Daddy-time,” and largely I’ve been thinking of what a gift it will be to Jay when he comes home (doubtless *exhausted*) and I can tell him that we had a very nice day.

I thought again about how I send up little popcorn prayers when I’ve left him with all three kids (not often– I usually take the baby) and how it is just the cap on a good evening to know things were peaceful while I was gone.

Helping my Husband Help Me
or Setting Him Up for Success

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Having store-bought bread doesn’t make my husband appreciate homemade bread more. Having *homemade* bread makes him appreciate homemade bread more.

I was just giving someone advice today about not making Daddy’s time alone with the kids a negative thing, and it got me thinking.

The Argument

There seems to be a school of thought that Mom should leave the kids with Dad whenever she feels like it, and if things fall apart or are really hard for the guy, that somehow this will make him appreciate her more, because he will now “identify” with what she (as a mom) goes through. These invisibles also imply the father will or should subject himself to this repeatedly.

Apparently this is a way to “prove” his love to you and/or his offspring.

I think this is incredibly unfair.

For one thing, most dads don’t have that presence like a mother’s that can near-instantly calm a child. Do you ever wonder why Dad’s always passing the kid back to Mom? Because it *works* that’s why!

So, anything Dad’s doing, especially with very young children, will be harder for him than for Mom. Also, unless he’s a SAHD, there’s no way he’ll have internalized preferences and schedules like the Mom, has. This is another strike against him.

It’s still fine to leave him alone in charge of the kids, it is still good for him, and for Mom, but for it all to go well (and happen again with minimum resistance) a little planning should be involved: Continue reading »

In Praise of Solid People

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I came across a blog with Bilbo’s tagline, “It’s no bad thing to celebrate a simple life.” And it made me think of this poem from my Quotable Lewis.

Thank God that there are solid folk…
Who feel the things that all men feel
And think in well-worn grooves of thought
Whose honest spirits never reel
Before man’s mystery, overwrought.
Yet not unfaithful nor unkind
With work-day virtues surely staid
Theirs is the sane and humble mind
And dull affections undismayed.
O happy people! I have seen
No verse yet written in your praise
And, truth to tell, the time has been
I would have scorned your easy ways.
But now thro’ weariness and strife
I learn worthiness indeed
The world is better for such a life
As stout, suburban people lead.

The Reading List

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Things I have actually started, and not finished, that I do want to finish. In no particular order:

Continue reading »

Debt-Proof…Reading?

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I read Debt-Proof Living from cover to cover while I was still at home. That is, before I was married. And I had *no* debt. And planned never to have any debt (“except, maybe, a house.”)

I have no idea why I did this.

Still not in any debt (except for that house-thing), but was thinking about her “method” of debt reduction as I was observing my stack of reading.

What if I could apply that system to what I’m reading?

To summarize her “method” (without reviewing the book or checking if this is a violation of some intellectual property law), the aspiring freeman destroys the credit cards currently owned (so they are unusable, and no longer racking up debt). Then the budget is designed to maintain the minimum payments on each card.

When the card with the lowest balance is paid-off, the amount that was being used on that debt is added into overpaying on the next-smallest debt.

In this way the payout remains consistent, but the pay-off continues to accelerate.

~~~

I will spare you (for now) the entirety of my reading list. Things get on my “list” by me actually starting them. The list is long and varied.

I liked this idea of looking for the shortest one first, in order to finish it and move my reading time on to the next-shortest.

This of course would somehow have to include Bible Reading time (as the largest debt) as frequently as “other” reading.  That is, every day of reading would include Bible reading.

The downfall of this is the reality of two things:

  • I really do read only one book at a time.
  • I am notoriously awful about not finishing what I’m on before starting something new.

Is this what you call serial monogamy?

Does Anyone Know How to Single-task?

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  • Unless I’m about to fall off the bed from sleep-deprivation, I’m either writing or reading while I nurse.
  • If I’m snuggling my girls during one of their movies, I’m often looking at a book or the newspaper too.
  • I talk on the phone while helping my girls with a new craft project
  • And I’m usually “wearing” at least one of my kids half the day while I do everything else.

I was just reading another one of those savor-every-moment posts somewhere, and wondered how I can quit doing so much at once. I actually do have snippits in my day where I am with only one child.

I want to make the most of that.

But how do I fight the “withdrawal” or pull, back to mindlessly established patterns?

I’m starting with prayer tonight, but beyond that, I’m really not sure.

Finding the Perfect Gifts

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I have always loved giving (and receiving) things that are *just right* so now I take notes.

If you have some kind of hand-held computer (I carry a Palm Pilot) designate some findable corner as the “gifts” section.

For my husband I have a section where I note what he has admired, or the type of music he’s been most interested in lately (and anything new I’ve learned about him that could turn into a gift idea).

For a while I had the model# of his electric shaver, because he commented on how much he loved the shaving heads when they were new. I’d check that aisle when ever I went shopping to see if they were on sale.

I also know what kind of orange juice and ice cream topping is his favorite “splurge,” for those times I want to make him feel special without spending a lot of money.

I don’t need to write those things in my palm (yet), but they follow the same principle: be a careful observer of those special to you, and the odds are good they’ll “tell” you what gifts will be significant to them.

(More ideas for the steadily approaching Valentine’s Day at Rocks in my Dryer.)

Callings and Being: a patchwork of thoughts.

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God makes each soul unique. If He had no use for all these differences I do not see why He should have created more souls than one. Be sure the ins and outs of your individuality are no mystery to Him; and one day they will no longer be a mystery to you.

C.S. Lewis

I discovered this quote the summer after my freshman year in college, and latched on to it. I still love it.

  • What you do doesn’t determine who you are; who you are determines what you do.
  • No person can consistently live in a manner that is inconsistent with how he perceives himself.

Both from Victory Over the Darkness by Neil Anderson

I know some people take issue with his writings. I also still think these statements are valid.

His [Jesus’s] divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

2 Peter 1:3

We’re not just hanging on until we go home with the get-out-of- jail-free card he bought us. We have also been equipped to live this life while we’re here. He’s given us everything we need.

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age

Titus 2:11-12

The same grace that called us away from what is destructive also trains us to live a life pleasing to God.

All this is mixed-in with my mis-reading of this post which gave me the great line:

We all have things that He [God] did not give us.

As a multi-talented (multi-interest) person, it is a good reminder. There are things I’m just not meant to do.

And because God’s design has purpose, the not is as much my identity as the doing. Or, so it seems reasonable to assume.

Something to think on, anyway.

How short can a summary get?

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I’m “supposed” to be able to nail it in 35-40 words. Closest I’ve gotten is the 44-word version:

A girl transforms the beast her step-sister meant to kill her, but when he appears to break trust, she flees for her life. Pitted against supernatural forces, she must now decide whether to trust someone she can see or someone she thought she knew.

I’m looking for feedback here. Does it sound cheesy-girlie or possibly interesting? I’m honestly not going for the romance-thing, does it sound like it’s falling in, inevitably? Yeah, I’m hyper-sensitive about that– I probably just need to get over it.

~~~

This is my latest attempt to way-summarize my NaNo. I printed out my current version to read/edit and it’s at 95-pages, single-spaced. There is obviously a whole lot going on that I can’t even touch in my description, but I still need to find some sort of focusing “nugget.”

(If you feel more comfortable e-mailing feedback than writing, that’s fine too.)

~~~

Added 2-5-07

Here is a link to a longer (more detailed/understandable?) summary. Too long for a book-back, I’ll guess. About 200 words.

Tonic for the “drags”

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I don’t know what everybody else calls it. I talk about someone being in a funk. I say I’m feeling “dragy.” Basically it’s that not- feeling-like-doing-anything that isn’t (I think) quite depression.

I was brainstorming about useful things to do when “down in the dumps” (another descriptor), and was surprised with how much I came up with. (This originally began as a comment elsewhere). So here’s my list of tips:

  • Put on “happy music,” whatever that is for you.
    • I found my happy music was the stuff I listened to in High School or college and hadn’t heard in a long time. It brought me a startling joy.
    • Pick music from a light era of yours.
    • A book I’ve been reading recently describes the reason books get fatter as you read them is because it preserves a part of you between the pages– like a pressed plant– the you that was, at the time you read it, and you see that former self whenever you re-read. That’s the way of me and music too.
    • ETA: Classical or folk instrumentals collected for children are a fantastic pick-me-up.

My dad loaned me the “Rhythmically Moving” series from his classroom for the summer– my kids had heard something on the radio they’d wanted to hear again.

I put the first one on while I was stressed-out and racing to finish dinner. Almost instantly I had to laugh. My mind was rebelling at the cognitive dissonance between my mood and the atmosphere. It was nearly like being in a river and resisting being moved by it.

Didn’t “fix” my stress, but it made me smile, even laugh, and that had to be healthy.

  • Start a new book, even if you haven’t finished your current one.
    • Anything you’re interested in will do, as long as you don’t feel obligated to finish it if it doesn’t suit you.
    • It may take a couple tries to find the right fit. (Write me if you want suggestions ;-))
    • This is where Books-on-tape are so essential to me now– with the three little ones I frequently feel I’m stealing from them to sit and read a whole novel.
  • Read “Good Poems” or Poem a Day V. 1.
    • Both of those are great for finding concise (no pages-long), interesting poems.
    • I’ve found the right poems to be tonic to me, because they were a sort of deep-thought pizza: Delivering filling new ideas and ways of looking at things, sparing me the effort of looking (cooking) for myself.
    • Very good for when I’m tired and can’t focus on longer or “more meaningful” works.
  • Do mindless research about something that interests you but you can’t act on.
      • I read about new-born and toddler care while I was pregnant the first time.
      • Last fall (after Grandma died) I started reading a lot about dogs. Still do, occasionally– though I won’t be able to get one until the end of April. Or later.
    • I found this activity helpful because engaged my mind without the obligation to do more. I couldn’t/can’t do more at the time of the research.

These probably won’t pull you out of a funk (If you can get the energy to clean, the activity and the result very frequently can), but they will help you tread water while you’re there. Sort of help keep you afloat.

There are those times when that’s all you’re looking for.