Category Archives: Random

Wouldn’t This be Cool?

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I got this idea reading the paper this morning, called a couple friends to verify it sounded cool to more than me, then cast my line.  Still waiting to see if anyone will bite.

The e-mail I sent (edited, of course):

Dear Ms.  Teacher,

In the paper today you mentioned you were the co-op coordinator for the High School Career Fair this year.

I wanted to suggest the possibility of a “homemaker” booth/presentation (whatever your format is) next year; I know a number of people who could work with me to create a professional and informative setting.

Presenting home-by-choice as a valid option alongside more lucrative careers could have the positive effect of raising appreciation for those parents who choose to focus on their families, rather than entering the workforce.

High school may be a little early for students to show much open interest (we may never know if we don’t try), but it’s not too early to normalize home as a priority.

I hope you’ll consider discussing this with me.
Sincerely, etc.

I haven’t sat down to make any lists of stuff, the idea hasn’t been accepted yet, after all.  But I’ve been doing “this” long enough that I could get it together as soon as was necessary.

Wouldn’t that just be the coolest: Having mothering alongside dozens of other “normal” and “real” jobs?

Ugh.

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WordPress/this blog is acting weird.

The text isn’t supposed to be centered all down the page, and the links are supposed to be running along-side in that nice empty space to the right.

*sigh*

Oh well. Maybe it will self-correct next weekend when Jay updates the WP version. I’ll get some new templates to play with too. Jay has wanted to be in charge of updates and stuff. So I’m just waiting until he’s ready/free to do it.

He updated the budget this weekend, which was very cool. I am so thankful he sees that as his job.

Word-count sits at 26,810 right now. I haven’t yet been able to get back into the website to update my daily count, so it may be less-accurate than I’d like for today. But at least I’ve made back some time. I only got about 700-words in the two days before today, so I was getting a bit nervous.

Feeling again like this isn’t going to meet my goal of having something to work into publishable material.

Jay encouraged me, saying whatever I end up with, the process of writing itself was being very educational for me, and other useful things that I’ve sometimes told myself, but were good to hear just now.

I asked him to pray encouragement for me. The idea of investing this much time just in “practice” is a little intimidating.

Submission

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I am so… tied up with the fine degrees of my understanding of certain words and concepts I think I get myself into trouble.

Example:
I really like the way the authors of this book explain what submission is in marriage. They don’t say it’s not part of the job description (what I’m beginning to think people hear when I try to explain it), they say submission is not the woman’s role.

So often in the descriptions I hear, husbands (not just *men*) are to lead and wives are to submit (only to their own husband but that’s another post). These statements are biblical enough, but to line them up in parallel to each other, makes them sound like the two primary jobs.

My quibble just comes in the application of the words. Leading is action, something to do. Submission is a reaction. Not a doing.

There are those who will argue that is the whole point. I argue a not isn’t how you define a role. A role is something you do. Continue reading »

Is “homemaking” enough or isn’t it? (Pt. 4 of 4)

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Okay, this started out as a 3-parter, but I found there was a bit more I wanted to tie up.

Since I’m working under a title that’s supposed to be a question, I guess I’ll try to answer it from (how else can I?) my perspective.

Here’s the best I can think it right now:

  • If homemaking is “merely” maintaining your abode and filling the bellies of those who sleep there, then No. Absolutely it is not enough.

  • If it all is lovingly done “as to the Lord,” as well as for those that are fed, more than just physically, from your hand, and done conscientiously to create an atmosphere of peace, safety and all those things that are good, but take effort, then, Yes. It has to be enough.

The way we teach our children to value something is to show them that we value it (this is what I attribute our young children’s tremendous respect for books to).

If I fell into the habit of “looking” for some service to do, to supplement my home-work, I would effectively be telling my girls that what I do at home (or the people I serve by what I do at home) has less value than anything else I may do.

If I had been less brain-fogged (and guilted) into doing the shopping, it would have been at the direct expense of some already very stressed humans (myself included). It would have said, “I know (or don’t care) you are tired and over- stimulated and needing quiet time, but her needs are more important than (y)ours.”

The scripture that continually reverberates when I (consciously) weigh these decisions is 1 Timothy 5:8.

I’ll not attempt to explain the verse or draw out any deep meanings (and, yes, I know it isn’t directly tied to mothering) but I will say this: I believe my job is to (and does) provide for my family. So I must consider their needs first.

These are the basics.

But once those basics are covered, “service” can look like just about anything. It can be exciting and enjoyed. “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” (Gal. 6:10)

“As we have opportunity” seems like a good way to say, “What fits.” These (for me), in addition to my homemaking, are frequently those “divine appointments,” those perfectly coordinated “random” meetings that bless all parties, whether with an encouraging word or a helping hand.

They make me glow for days, and I understand again that we were created to serve.

Something very exciting to me is that I’m beginning to get that same thrill from things that happen in our home. It’s like a curtain is pulled back and I see an exciting potential. I observe an unprovoked act of kindness or service, and I experience the joy of feeling, We’re on the right track!

Is “homemaking” enough or isn’t it? (Pt. 3 of 4)

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Monday I got a call from a woman I had offered to help. She needed assistance carrying some heavy water jugs before they froze, and I had told her to call when she wanted me to come out. The freeze the night before prompted her call, so I asked when she wanted me to come (mentally trying to work out when I could).

She hedged. Apparently she also had some shopping she needed done (“Just 7 items!”), and that was more important to her. Some of them had to do with pain management. I was in something of a brain-fog (another story) and so stuck with the basics: I couldn’t do the shopping, but when did she need help with the water? She basically said that the drive wasn’t worth it just for the water (“I’ll have whoever brings the shopping help with the water. That’s what’s really needed now.”). So the conversation ended.

I realized, belatedly, that it might have helped to point out that shopping (for 7 or 27 items) with 3 children under 4 is much more challenging than a drive and outdoor work.

~~~

Returning to the talk of “Seasons,” there are obviously things that will be easier to do when the children are older, and, like I mentioned yesterday, there’s at least one type of ministry that’s easier when the kids are young.

Interestingly enough, it’s what I’m already doing. Sharing conversation, counsel and encouragement with other women. Mentally reviewing the topics that continually come up, like birth control and relationship issues, I’ve repeatedly been thankful my children are young enough that I can speak plainly about certain things. And I have wondered what (or how) I will change when that is no longer possible.

Peter Kreeft (whose The Angel and the Ants I’ve quoted a few times here) points out that “our individual personal bent or desire or instincts” are worth considering when making decisions.

I have a (well-known) “personal bent” towards talking and generally thinking aloud. This has proven useful in a number of cases where I believe God used me to teach or encourage others. This, most frequently, is the type of ministry I see myself engaging in during this season of parenting (you see I really don’t mind the word… just my first impression of it).

God has brought other people across my path and into my home, feeding my own hunger for conversation, along with allowing me to encourage others.

~~~

Inevitably it comes down to remembering (and seeking) to be sensitive to God’s leading, both in timing and in type.

I remind myself that if I’m paying attention I have no reason to feel I’m going to miss something. If I feel I am going to miss something, that just means I’m being messed with (weariness can do a number…), and– assuming I’m still being attentive– I need to just get my mind off myself, and trust my faithful God to direct me where he wants me to go.

(Part 4 of 4)

Is “homemaking” enough or isn’t it? (Pt. 2 of 4)

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Jay was having a tough stretch at work, a couple weeks of no progress on an important project. It was a Tuesday evening, and through a (what I believe was a God-ordained) fluke, everything at home was perfect:

Elisha slept all afternoon, so I was able to clean the kitchen; the girls wanted to dress-up and dance (which we all did); and then we had to clear the living room to make room for dancing (to praise music, at their request); then we were all tired at the same time and I started dinner while they played (nicely!) together.

They “helped” me make biscuits while I made soup for dinner, and Jay opened the door right as the timer went off on the biscuits. I was dressed nicely (which Jay always enjoys), worship music was playing, the girls were laughing together, and our home was the peaceful, joyful haven Jay had needed at that exact moment.

It was all so perfect I tried to make it happen again the next couple evenings, but it didn’t, and that just drove home for me that it was a special grace given to us for that needy time.

This is the image I return to when I question if I’m not focused enough on my home: the reality that God gives gifts and abilities where and when they are needed. That he provides for those challenging times. (That evening happened not long after my Grandmother died, and I think God was encouraging me as much as for my husband in helping me create a peaceful home).

Sometimes I wonder if I never read (for just myself) or wrote, whether my house would be maintained at a higher level. The answer has to be yes, if only from a mathematical standpoint, but I have to wonder if the amount of improvement would be worth what I’d have to give up.

So far, I’m thinking, No.

~~~

Side note: I recognize that everyone needs some time to recharge, or there will be nothing to give, but I get prickly when women start getting off on claims (demands) that they deserve this or that. Half the time it seems like I’m hearing, “I want it, therefore I deserve it.”

This is not automatically true.

~~~

For now I think I’m reasonably balanced. My problem, I think, is that the criteria for defining the balance are nonexistent. At least, I haven’t found them yet.

One nice thing about nursing a baby is that I get several automatic slots each day to sit and do my own thing. (Natasha, like many older siblings, started “nursing” her dolls after her little sister was born. Essential to her ritual, copying me, was having a book in front of her on the couch.)

With this baby I write, like now, when nursing. So my way of doing something ‘for me’ doesn’t take away from the kids. If I confine my writing. And I don’t always.

“Seasons” has a good application in this way. There are definitely some types of service that are easier when your children are older. Hmmm, actually, there’s at least one type that’s easier when your kids are younger too.

(More on those next time.)

(Part 3 of 4)

Is “homemaking” enough or isn’t it? (Pt. 1 of 4)

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This post got really long, so I’ll divide it up over the next few days

The Question
Advocates/encouragers of full-time, at-home moms repeatedly emphasize the work these (we) women do is valuable and worthy of their (our, my) talents. That it is enough of a job to be “just” home, without any outside work.

Then why is it not enough ministry to “just” be raising your children in a godly way? Why is “outside” ministry (working in the church, volunteering around town, sharing your talents/ giftings with others) still necessary?

I don’t know the answer.

There are those who say it is enough– though it’s usually emphasized that our responsibility varies depending on what “season” of parenting you’re in.

The idea my “season” in life excuses me, bothers me. Because it implies I’m buried (and therefore excused) now, and will have more time later; that my mode of doing will change as my children are less “demanding.” But the reality is that all three are mostly past that stage (of perpetually time-sucking).

They all play independently (otherwise, how could I clean house, or write?), and are very good for their age at waiting and deferring gratification. Sometimes I think they are advanced for their age, and other times I just enjoy it.

Because of their level(s) of independence, I feel am already at that time to question where is my balance between service and selfishness. (Though I suppose there is room somewhere for self in between those…) The question goes like this: Since I really don’t feel (perpetually) stretched by them now, does that mean I’m doing less now than I could (should)?

(Part 2 of 4)

How do you *think* when you’re tired?

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You know how, when people are explaining dreams, they say your brain never stops working?

Well, I am currently sleep-deprived (most half of it my fault), and my brain is starting to act like an Australian Shepard/Border collie mix tied to a kennel with a four-foot chain (if you’d read as many breed reviews as I have in the last week you’d have a deeper appreciation for the analogy).

Today was library day with my mom. She comes over every Thursday morning to do stuff with the kids. I wanted to pick up The Overload Syndrome, that I started reading months ago (even quoted it in an early blog post). They couldn’t find it, so I picked up a few dog books instead.

Ended up zoning my way through most of Mutts: America’s Dogs this afternoon, which is a surprisingly well-written exploration of how dog breeds present when combined without human direction.

I plan to do a whole post of excerpts, in a day or so (if I think of it and simultaneously have time), just because the analogies were so fun (only example I can think of off the top of my head: Golden retriever + Collie= Valley Girl marries Forest Gump, good natured, all-around good citizen, intelligence hit-or-miss; something like that).

I can’t remember ever laughing so hard reading a dog book.

My 3-year-old kept asking what was so funny, and how do do you explain (even to a somewhat precocious almost-4-year-old) how original these metaphors are. She’d look at the b&w pix illustrating the book and try to act like she understood why they were that funny. A little sad really. Children want so much to be like their parents…. Continue reading »

Children a Requirement?

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There’s a very interesting discussion going on over at this post at Becky’s blog. I entered tentatively into the discussion, since I felt I had something to add, offering a scriptural reason (permission?) for “choosing” the size of my family rather than “letting God.” Not sure of the readers’ response I think I went in a little defensively.

I interpret the managing my household bit of 1 Tim 5:14 to include choosing the number of children for my family. Some definitions of “manage”: to take charge or care of: to manage my investments, to dominate or influence.

“Taking charge” of the number of children, I think, is appropriate. I do this asking God’s wisdom and blessing in making that decision, and this is exactly the way I chose to marry my husband. You ladies that “knew from the first date,” or felt God tell you, This is the man! are very blessed. So am I. God actually left the decision to me. He leaves it to all of us. This is why it’s called *free will*. Free will does not automatically equal sinful will.

I believe as long as I am seeking God and remaining open to his leading, I am in obedience.

Right now I have three children. My body has markedly deteriorated (become weaker) with each pregnancy, and I’m only 27. I was unable to properly care for my family several times during pg #3, and if my desire is to best serve my family, “another baby for the Kingdom” is not the right way at this time. And it may never be again. I don’t know yet.

Becky then pointed out the point of her discussion wasn’t “full-quiver” (which I don’t subscribe to, and was vaguely arguing against) but rather the idea that every Christian couple is called to have child(ren), for X,Y,Z reasons, outlined pretty thoroughly in the comments section.

I feel less-defensive about this, not in a small way because I think children cause most parents to mature in ways they never knew they needed to. But I’m still a little uncomfortable with the idea that everyone who can has to.
The scripture that seems used most frequently is Genesis 1:28, that starts out,

God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth…”

As far as I can tell, the people who use this verse seem to apply it individually, that the call to be fruitful applies to each of us, especially as Christians. But I don’t hear anybody calling up Christians to individually complete the responsibility of the rest of the verse:

Rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and every creature that crawls [a] on the earth.

Where is the shock– the calls to accountability!– that we’ve allowed Evolution-promoting biologists and mere entertainers to take over our God-mandated role of studying and training lions, whales, puppies and snails?

The only response I can think of is that the command– the whole command– was given to mankind. The group. And from my limited perspective (minus the evolution-pushing) those biologists are doing reasonably well. And the earth is getting “fuller” every day, from what I hear, so that command is also being carried out.

—

So if we’re going to argue the for-everyone bit (that each couple needs to have kids if they physically can), I think it’d be more intellectually honest/consistent to leave Genesis 1:28 out of this. Continue reading »