Category Archives: Debates?

Discussions and debates both, but that was a bit long for the sidebar

Human Words

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I knew a blind man whom a surgeon helped to see.
The doctor never had a lover such as he.
It is in such a way that singers love composers.

–Calvin Miller
The Singer

I could say nearly the same thing about certain writers. Or, at least what they’ve written.

Being a Believer I feel a certain sense of… awkwardness? tentativeness? when I find that I quote human writers as quickly as I quote scripture.

Anyone who pokes around this blog very long knows I enjoy Story, and frequently interpret my experience through that prism.

As I’m sure I’ve said before, I see folktales as the ultimate distillation of human nature– the good and the bad– and am quite willing to use them as examples to make a point.

In Christian circles, however, this seems to be an iffy choice.

Once the topic of a wife’s influence came up, and the analogy of kings and queens. I eagerly added to the conversation that the image of a queen interceding with the king is a common theme in folklore. An older Christian woman seemed bothered by my choice of example.

“But where do you see that in Scripture?” she asked.

“Esther!” I replied after a blink, not sure if she was challenging me or just quizzing me.

I have a memory that seems wired for remembering quotes (or at least their essence) and turns of phrase. I frequently find myself using those words from other people– other writers– when attempting to best express myself.

Sometimes I remember the queen exchange, and I feel like I’m not supposed to be so attached to human words, Scripture being our only/ultimate authority and all that.

But then I figure, I’m human, and no one is expecting my words to be the oracles of God. Why should anyone assume I think another human’s words are?

How Much Mystery…?

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I was reminded recently about a book I read where the female author warned wives not to be too transparent with their husbands.

She wasn’t advocating concealment or duplicity, she sincerely believed that to drag one’s beloved through the details of your life is to remove all that could be deep or mysterious within a woman’s nature.

And wives need to maintain that aura of mystery in order to keep their husband’s intrigued.

The idea, of course, being that it is the thrill of the unknown that could be what causes some men to “stray.” The idea that their own women have become boring.

<<Do you know, my dad never allowed us kids to use the word bored? I didn’t remember this at all. It was my grandmother who brought it up, last summer. Apparently he would just say, “Then go find something to do.” I always wondered why it wasn’t in my general usage.>>

Like I said, I was reminded of this idea when I came across it in an online article, and reviewing the idea I decided it sounded ridiculous.

But, hey. I’m not the guy. Maybe I am dumping too much on him. Maybe he’s drowning in the sea of verbal processing I direct at him and he’s too polite to stop me.

So I go to the expert. To the man himself. I explain the concept and ask if he’d like it if I were more reserved, or if I should try to find someone else to talk to instead of “dumping” on him, and try to cultivate this being more mysterious.

He looked at me like I was crazy and said, “No. Way. I don’t need you to be *more* mysterious.”

And, seriously folks, what man wants his woman to be harder to figure out?

Check Your Attitude

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What is the source of the wars and the fights among you? Don’t they come from the cravings that are at war within you? You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and don’t receive because you ask wrongly, so that you may spend it on your desires for pleasure.

James 4:1-3

Holman Christian Standard Version

This was our passage in Sunday School this morning. The discussion went something like this:

“Now, I can’t imagine any of us actually murdering because we couldn’t get something.”

“But there’s that passage where Jesus equates anger with murder, and I can see any of us getting angry about not getting something we want. Seeing things other people have and we don’t.”

“Not just things. There’s sleep, time.”

“Children.”

“Travel.”

“And, really, this passage is very clear why we don’t have what we want: ‘You do not have because you do not ask,’ (makes me think of an earlier blog post) or ‘You ask and don’t receive because you ask wrongly, so that you may spend it on your desires for pleasure.’ We just studied last summer that the point of prayer was to bring glory to God, not fulfilling our wants or needs.”

“So if we ask for something for ‘spending on our own pleasures‘ we’re working against the express purpose of prayer, and there should be no surprise it doesn’t work.”

~ ~ ~

Now, I know there are a number of ways and reasons God says “no” to prayers: His will for us, timing, protecting us from what we think we want…

But I think it is good, too, to run our unanswered prayers though this James 4:3 filter and see if we need to be convicted about a wrong attitude in the way or for what we’re asking.

The Things I Hate.

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Just now I have only a few things on my mind, but perhaps I’ll add to this later.

I’m talking here about… local things; things I have seen/participated in, rather than the huge things like genocide and child abuse.

(I’d hope those things can go without saying.)

Because today they’re on my mind:

  1. Smashing cake in your beloved’s face, on the day you vowed before God and Man to honor and cherish him/her until death. I think something dies there. Starting with trust.
  2. Making course jokes about the wedding night at a bridal shower. I *hate* watching something sacred made cheap. Especially when it’s done at one person’s expence (e.g. embarrassing the bride).
    1. This is simply unkindness, and has no place among true friends. I’m sorry to say I’ve seen this more than once.
    2. Clue: if the bride’s toes are curling, you’ve already gone too far
  3. (Speaking of “things sacred”) Saying to a mother marveling over the perfection of her newborn, “Hard to believe she’s just a little sinner, huh.” (I’m happy to say I’ve never actually heard this from someone with children of their own).
  4. People saying, “I bet you’ll be glad when they go off to school!” I look these people in the eye and say I’m planning to homeschool. This seems to flummox them into complements for some reason.

I’m happy to say only 3 and 4 have happened to me personally, but you may guess I take flack as a wet blanket on the other two.

I’ve noticed with 1 and 2 people either agree with me or don’t understand why it’s such a big deal. I try to explain my reasoning graciously, and find some people have never thought of it that way before.

Some people get defensive, but those are the types where I tend to question their definition of fun.

If you find pleasure in other people’s discomfort it’s time to reevaluate.

Fighting in Marriage

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I was Stumbling around and came across these rules for fighting fair in marriage.

Because of my background, very little on this topic is ever new to me, I’ve been around the material so long it begins to all sound familiar (in the same way that few sermons are very new to me).

I think you music types get this feeling when you’re familiar with a composer.

Anyway, I wanted to highlight it, because I thought the article was well done, and because one thought was wholly new to me:

5. If your spouse says you do, then it’s true
When confronted with an issue, your first response may be to hide behind statements such as, “No I don’t” or “You’re just exaggerating.” When your mate states that you’re doing something irritating, trust him or her. Consciously choose to look past your defensive walls and ask your spouse, “Why does this bother you?” Then listen to what is being said. Try to see his or her point of view, and be willing to change for the good of your marriage.

Just something new for me to think about.

Indirect Attack

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In the movie Amazing Grace, after years of “frontal” attacks failed, the opponents of the slave trade decided to dog-leg an attack.

By imposing a restriction that would put the pinch on slave ships, the law made it hard to continue in the current system, even while it remained legal.

I have not been able to determine the veracity of that segment (though it was very good storytelling), but have wondered if the Pro-Life supporters have ever looked for or found a similar sideways attack.

The law seeking to make the murder of a pregnant woman a double-homicide is the closest I can think of (as no “average American” could object to the emotional appeal of the law).

However, it was strongly opposed by the abortion supporters who recognized the assault it was on their “values.”

(The chief of those values being the inconsequence of the “by-product of pregnancy.”)

~ ~ ~

A suggestion I have (though part of me hopes it’s out-dated) is to begin making surprise-inspections of all clinics that perform any sort of in-room surgical procedure, to verify each is in compliance with the codes of cleanliness and sterility expected of surgical sites.

This would, by the specific wording of the bill, include abortion-providers.

Years ago I remember hearing pro-lifers (and abortion survivors) lament that there was no oversight to abortion clinics, and a claim was out there that veterinarians had more regulation and oversight than abortionists did.

There have also been some serious allegations of post-abortion deaths directly linked to improperly cleaned surfaces and/or equipment.

Even if things have cleaned up since then (and without oversight, how do we know?), instituting equivalent governmental oversight would continue to chip away at the sacred, all-knowing, infallible sanctity of “Choice,” and those revered suppliers of choice.

Something that could only help the fight for the unborn.

As such, I’m sure this too would be recognized for the attack it is.

But, as with Laci and Connor’s Law that acknowledges two victims when a pregnant woman is killed, my hope and prayer is that the basic sense of such requirements would help it withstand the attacks against what it represents.

The Washington Post had an excellent quote from President Bush.

“Today’s decision affirms that the Constitution does not stand in the way of the people’s representatives enacting laws reflecting the compassion and humanity of America.”

I have never dwelt much on what Bush says, but that line just thrilled me.

Yes, humanity is woefully fallible, but nearly all the good work God has done since creation has been accomplished through the will, minds and hands of we who are created in His image.

The New Abortion Ban

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What everyone (involved) hope/feared has begun coming true.

For the first time since 1973 a limitation on abortion has been upheld by the “new” Supreme Court.

~ ~ ~

The largest (legal) objection to the ban on partial-birth abortion seems to be that there is no exception allowed for the woman’s health.

The supreme court concluded, as did the people who framed the law, that there are other methods of abortion that may guard a woman’s health if this became an issue.

I am one of those (in case there was any question) who believes the only exception for an abortion ban should be the threatened life of the mother.

The whole idea that abortion was illegal before the 1973 Supreme Court ruling is a misperception.

Coat hangers are propaganda.

There were health exceptions to the abortion ban before 1973, and “thoughtful” providers could code a woman at health-risk for something as survivable as emotional angst or fear, for which there are options besides abortion.

I now expect “the life of the mother” to be interpreted equally broadly, and so have no fear that a woman could actually die from lack-of-abortion in America.

Should I offer advice “publicly?”

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I just popped back over to a forum I haven’t visited in a long time and ended up leaving a huge (for a message board) post of advice to a gal asking for info for a virgin bride.

The stuff I told her I have written at least twice before via e-mail to different people (didn’t save either time, *grumblegrumble* so I’ve had to rewrite it every time.)

Now I’m thinking about putting it here so when it (inevitably) comes up again, I won’t have to rewrite it, I’d just point to it.

At first I thought I’d be too embarrassed to do any such thing, but then, imagining I don’t have many readers (and most of those in the demographic I talk to about this stuff anyway), I figured the benefits would be worth the risks (hey, I’ve got a good spam filter).

Now, I don’t have a counter and I don’t know how many people actually stop by here regularly, so I’d be swayed by just a couple comments, but:

Who thinks I should put my “advice column” on my blog for linking to in the future?

(And, if I put it up, expect a lot of posts in a short amount of time to push it off the bottom.)

;o)

This could start a whole new “advice” category… hmmm….

Know Your Child

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Here is a good example of why you need to know your kid.

I found Wiley and the Hairy Man at the library and snagged it because I liked a telling I’d heard once, and wanted to look at the story.

Melody (2 1/2) got a hold of it, and because I didn’t want it to be too terrible too talk about (she might have already looked at the pictures) I decided reluctantly to read it to my girls.

Melody *latched* on to it. She wanted to hear it again and again.

If you’ve never heard of it, it’s about a boy who avoids getting captured by the Hairy Man (a wicked-looking snatcher) by using his wits and following his mother’s advice.

You may guess already these are themes I like my children to absorb.

In addition, the Hairy Man is twice gotten rid of by the arrival of Wiley’s hound dogs. And Melody and I will nod together that everybody is afraid of something– even scary somebodies.

One evening I had just finished telling someone why I choose to read that story to my kids when my mother, skimming the book said, “That’s a pretty creepy thing in there. That one ought to go back [to the library].”

I don’t think I contradict my mom that much (we agree on so much to begin with), but to this opinion I just said, “No, I have my uses for it,” and felt a sudden thrill at knowing both my own purposes and my daughter well enough to be confident I was making the right decision.

Practice as Service

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Writing to this blog does take time that could be spent on other, theoretically, productive things, and I have occasionally returned to the question of whether maintaining this site, basically for my own entertainment, it worth that time.

With all my commitments and desires and interests, everything I do continually comes back under scrutiny.

I look at things over and over again, determining why they’re in my life, and whether they are performing their intended function (it’s really easy to throw away magazines in this mood).

Several times this week I’ve used the analogy of a musician practicing scales, when I try to explain my writing, or why I write.

In themselves scales are not particularly beautiful music, and doing them isn’t even for anyone but the musician. But it is those daily exercises that provide the necessary familiarity with the instrument that enables him/her to be an accomplished musician.

My writing may, as I say, be solely for my own entertainment, but everything I do is honing my craft, and preparing me for my next piece.

I no longer question if this writing has value, because I am convinced it does.

Doubtless it was hours and days of David’s “diddly-dorking around” with a sling and stones that prepared him first for the lion and the bear, and ultimately for Goliath.

Practice is a form of faithful service.

It assumes that there is something worth preparing for (a word in season, for example), and rises to that call.