If you promise not to make-fun

You may go look at the curriculum I’ve finished collecting for Natasha’s first year (all disclaimers are on on that post).

~

Jay’s been correcting my effervescent method of presentation when I say we’re homeschooling.

“It’s so cool here! I don’t have to *do* anything!”

He says that it gives people who love and care about our children the wrong impression.

I hope that list will also reassure them.

Jay’s suggestion of much more mature and useful way for me to communicate our current goals:

“When I began researching in preparation to homeschool Natasha, I was surprised to learn that there are no set requirements in Alaska for parents teaching their own children.

“This is very exciting to me, because it gives me the freedom to create my own course of study that will meet our objectives for our kids’ learning.”

He says it will allow me to share my delight at the freedom available, while still making it clear we have standards and a plan.

And he’s right, of course.

Favorite posts from Year 2 (Part 2)

Concluding yesterday’s look at the variety I’ve covered in the last year.

Why I Do What I Do: the best summary I’ve created so far.

July 2007 to February 2008

Favorite posts from Year 2 (Part 1)

Ah me. It’s that time of year again.

The end of another year of blogging and my chance to introduce myself and my writing to a boatload of lovely new readers (Hi, how are you? Are you coming to the party?).

For you new folks: I write prolifically, but on very little of anything that could be called a schedule.

Probably the best way to keep track of posting is through some kind of feed-reader, but I adore comments, so please click through and share your mind.

~

This was the best way I’ve yet come up with to show the insane lack of focus in my lovely essays. :P I hope some titles intrigue you enough to check them out and the content interests you in coming back.

February 2007 to June 2007

(More than) 10 Things That Inspire Me as a Writer

Another Writing in the Dark workshop last Saturday.

The 10-things list is one of the exercises we raced through (the presenter, local playwright Anne Hanley, emphasized several times the usefulness of speed in getting past the inhibitions of the conscious mind).

Here’s what I came up with that morning:

  • Laughter
  • Reading
  • Explaining
  • A walk alone
  • A clear floor or open space
    • for me this means a peaceful environment and a sense of accomplishment
  • Remembered delight
  • Learning something new
    • This may distract me from my writing, but it energizes me as a person, so it’s probably “inspiring” on some level.
  • Quiet presence— the cat, sleeping children
    • This “being alone but not alone” is consistently my most productive time. Perhaps it’s an artificial deadline of they could wake up any time, or I ought to be sleeping. I need it!
  • Good Tea
  • A clear image, analogy or story to clarify a formerly muddy issue.

After all that the group read around the circle, Scattegories style, saying one thing that hadn’t been said yet. We each heard additional things that weren’t on our own lists. Here are my “extras,” some new friends reminded me of:

What inspires you?
What make you want to write?

The Bitter Homeschooler’s Wish List

I’ve seen this list unattributed on at least one blog already.

If you love it and want other folks to see it, please give Deborah Markus her byline. (As a writer myself, I hope my own work will receive the same respect if it ever becomes this popular.)

A few of my favorites (and my commentary):

  • If my kid’s only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he’d learn in school, please understand that you’re calling me an idiot.
  • We didn’t go through all the reading, learning, thinking, and weighing of options that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.
  • Stop assuming that if we’re religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.
    • (Our reasons currently have more to do with relationship and academics.)
  • Stop assuming that because the word “school” is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does.
    • (One of my favorite things as a homeschooled child was the direct connection between my personal motivation/ application and the amount of time school took to finish. 9-to-noon days were my favorites, and I bragged about them.)
  • Stop saying, “Oh, I could never homeschool!” Even if you think it’s some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you’re horrified. One of these days, I won’t bother disagreeing with you.
  • If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you’re allowed to ask how we’ll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can’t, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn’t possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.
  • Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child’s teacher as well as her parent. I don’t see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.
    • (AMEN!)

There are more, and yes, they’re all that bitter or more so, but it’s nice to say to invisible enemies exactly what you’d never say to someone you actually loved, even when you wished they had the same information.

Character Songs

One thing that always seems “magical” to me is when I hear a song (usually on the radio, but it’s also happened in a store) with a message, sound or single line that perfectly encapsulates a personality, action beat or relationship.

I initially noticed this when I was working on my first novel, and heard a line from “For the Longest Time” by Billy Joel:

And the greatest miracle of all
Is how I need you
And how you needed me too
That hasn’t happened for the longest time

It was the heart of the first part of the novel and their interaction.

So here are some highlights for my current work (don’t read anything into the videos– I never saw them before I did a search for the song itself. YouTube is an *awesome* substitute for iTunes– I just don’t watch while I’m listening if it’s for the sound, like here).

I guess I’m more auditory than visual, because if I’m going to be imagining for a while, it’s with music rather than images. I think these examples hint at the individual conflicts of interest that arise in my novel.

Includes the lines,

“…I feel so small and bewildered…
Tell me that you love me, tell me that you want me
Even if I’m not all you thought I would be.
Tell me that … you’ll catch me when I fall.”

Cecilia is the bride arranged for the crown prince Torbjorn, and I love this sweet wistful song for her. Torb doesn’t have a song of his own yet, but (jokingly) I’ve assigned him “I knew I loved you before I met you,” as his relationship song, because he’s that kind of guy— one who makes up his mind and that’s the way it is.

40 Reasons to have Children

As Karen Edmisten did, I wish to respond to this woman’s 40 Reasons not to have Children with an equal number of reasons to have children.

I appreciated that Karen chose hers to respond to the original 40 complaints. It freed me to simply examine myself and make this personal.

For any who protest that some of these are benefits rather than reasons (I can’t imagine I’ve the only personality that would make that quibble), I’ll point out that when enough benefits accrue they tend to become reasons, and the dividing line becomes a bit hazy. So here they all are.

I first saw this on Sarah’s blog, love meaningful lists (I’ve already done a couple– like those about about my husband and someday-dreams), and thought this was a beautiful opportunity for reflection and encouragement.

My 40 reasons to have children.

  1. Small warm snuggles
  2. Seeing marital love incarnated
  3. Countless useful images and analogies to the family of God
  4. Newborn-hair softness
  5. Finally learning the words to all the songs and rhymes we’ve only half-remembered for 15-years
  6. Understand your own parents
  7. Become the measure of all things wonderful
  8. To learn grace– because now you *know*
  9. The fresh motivation to “live in a manner worthy of our calling”
  10. Invest in the future
  11. A glimpse into the heart of God, as His heart aches for those who are still separated from him
  12. An inkling of the rejoicing He feels when a child accepts the sacrifice of His son
  13. Spontaneous smiles
  14. Finally learning delayed gratification
  15. Sharing delight with others– learning and teaching simultaneously
  16. They grow into friends
  17. Proving to those pre-child that children aren’t scary
  18. Finding out how strong you really are
  19. A reason to reexamine any assumptions you may have held
  20. An automatic (and captive) audience for your cooking and humor experiments
  21. Grocery shopping and going for the mail become moments of wonder and high adventure
  22. Little mirrors to show us what we really look like (no more kidding ourselves)
  23. The delight of hearing them read
  24. Knowing you’re being the right kind of obedient
  25. Keeps you young (if you let it)
  26. Creates more opportunities to admire your husband or wife and marvel at how perfectly different God made him/her from you
  27. Teaches you to get over your feelings of self-consciousness
  28. Warns you what complete self-centeredness looks like
  29. Mind-reading is an acquired skill
  30. Who wants a hobby that’s not challenging?
  31. Teaches a type and level of maturity that is otherwise unattainable
  32. To play around and have yummy things (Natasha’s contribution)
  33. Because it’s fun to love them (Melody’s contribution)
  34. Because them can run and play in the snow in the yard (N). Because they can play (M)
  35. Fun clothes for everyone
  36. To convince the unenlightened that, yes, it is possible to have too much of clothes
  37. Baby-dancing
  38. Real social security
  39. Creating your own photography subjects and opportunities
  40. Learning countless things from their elemental components– conversation, logic, reading… peacemaking

The “Hidden Rules” of Moms’ Groups

The presentation I mentioned a month ago had a lot of blog-worthy ideas– to the point of over-load. So I never took it anywhere. Recently one element has come up and I spent some time thinking on it while trying to sort myself out.

Hidden rules was the resurrected element. The authors of Bridges out of Poverty describe how every human group has unwritten rules that all “true” members of the group follow, just because they are a part of the group; sometimes to keep the peace and to prove they belong to the group.

When different groups collide, or a person is new to a group, mistakes can be made that damage relationship– not because the offending party desires to offend, but because s/he doesn’t recognize the land-mines.

In a spirit of community-service and a healthy effort to avoid future explosions, I have compiled the following list.

I must point out that some of these will seem infinitely *duh!* to some of you, and my pride compels me to say I did not learn all of these the hard way. But All of them are based on interactions I’ve observed since my first moms’ group two years ago.

Some might just get you a cold shoulder or a nasty look, and (adding to the confusion) people with similar strengths– e.g. a good marriage– tend to overlook similar rules as unnecessary.

If you know them all without thinking, Congrats! You’re already “in”.

I have never spent a lot of time with groups of women. I’ve always been the “loner” (the type with just a couple close friends), never one to run with “the herd.” In high school this had its uses, but it also inhibited my picking up some key rules.

My current collection of The hidden rules of Mothers’ Groups (mostly what you shouldn’t do), beginning with “The things I can’t say:”

  • “I really have to be careful about what I say when I’m with you.”
    • Says “You don’t understand me.” or “I can’t be myself around you.”
  • “Wow, you raise your kids really differently than I do.” (Not a criticism!!!)
    • Any comment that’s not a complement or asking for advice can make people defensive.
  • “That time/activity doesn’t work for me.”
    • Can make it sound (arrogantly) like I and my availability carry some great weight.
      • This is tricky because on the one hand I’m supposed to be quiet rather than negative, but other I’m supposed to participate. One of many balancing acts.
  • “Hanging out with a group is not my most favorite thing to do– even if it is a break away from the kids.” (Did say this one once– to a very cold reception).
    • They could’ve heard, “I don’t enjoy being with *this* group,” which, for me at least, isn’t true, since I wouldn’t be there. ;)
      • Should treat it like a date: i.e. don’t let on there’s anywhere else you’d rather be.
    • It can be taken as devaluing those who find getting-away is their favorite recreational activity.
  • Anything to contradict a contradiction. It’s like a white elephant gift exchange. You can only turn things around so many times or it looks ugly– like you’re fighting or something.
    • It’s too bad people have a hard time disagreeing without taking offense. Too often the rejection of an idea is taken as a rejection of the individual or her experience (see “contradicting experience” below) and there’s no ‘clean’ way to do it.
  • Any unsolicited advice when someone is under pressure. Continue reading »

Most-Influential Novels

I suppose this is sticking my neck out– admitting what I like the most– but I wanted to mention my four most-influential novels at this point in my writing. Except for #2 I found all of them randomly on the recorded-book shelves at my library. Those, without exception, I’ve “read” more by listening than from the page.

  1. The Perilous Gard by Elizabeth Marie Pope
  2. Enchantment by Orson Scott Card
  3. The Sea Wolf by Jack London
  4. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

I will do my best to explain why they are they what I like. Doubtless I will find or remember more reasons as I continue to reread them.

  • All involve a journey and a change. All build on characteristics the protagonist(s) have to begin with, but doesn’t imagine any of them are already complete (lacking only knowledge of their completeness, a la Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz).
  • More than one character changes.
  • All involve a thinking character watching the process of his or her thought. They are very rarely oblivious to something the reader knows (This element, btw, usually makes me feel a character is foolish. If they’re seeing what I’m seeing I usually expect them to know what I know.)
  • All acknowledge (and explore to some extent) the power of relationship.
  • All include thought-provoking observations of their times.
  • All have good conversations.
  • One potential negative: they all start slowly (I hope I don’t follow this too closely), with no punchy first line, but still intriguing in their own ways.
  • They all have surprising twists and secrets that the reader discovers with the protagonist.
  • All have a life at risk (at some point) and overcome an old enemy through what they’ve learned on their journey.

I love nearly everything about The Perilous Gard: Character, plot/twists, protag’s realizations driving the story, the organic inclusion of the gospel in a not-religious book.

Enchantment is something like an adult version of what I want to write– that is, based on a fairytale world and system, based in an older time.

It is “adult” in its descriptions and relationships, but not crude or explicit. It has the… holiest (maybe too strong a word?) description of sex I have ever found in fiction: the “mystical union” of man and woman both solidifying their marriage and being stronger together than individually. Children are an asset and pregnancy a key plot-point. I was also delighted to watch the interaction of several married couples.

Too many writers seem to think marriage is boring, so even when they’ll show it that negative attitude comes through. Here marriage is both present and meaningful.

The narrator of The Sea Wolf is an intellectual and a writer, and I love the way he describes his unavoidable interaction with both the intellectual and experiential aspects of human nature. The noble aspects, as well as the base.

Some *wonderfully* articulated descriptions of how men and women strengthen each other.

I’ve always loved the interaction and subtext of Jane Eyre, along with the clue-dropping that isn’t recognized until the mystery is revealed.

If I can get these types of things organically into my novels I will be thrilled.

Aim high, right?

Why I Do What I Do

I was in an analyzing mood today, and so all of you faithful/careful/hapless readers get to be the blessed recipients of the result of this exercise.

Actually, I found it to be a very useful exercise and encourage anyone to try it.
(And, yes, I noticed that my wife-ness didn’t hit the list, but I think that is indicative of the way God works in our marriage– all of it has been quiet, natural, and nearly invisible. So it almost never makes it to a list.)

One of the blogs I read encourages finding/creating a purpose statement for your life/writing/work. I’m not ready (focused enough?) to do that, but this list is probably the next-best thing– and I really like it.

It goes like this:
I am drawn to a number of different things in my daily life. Why? Do they have a purpose? What do I hope they accomplish?

What I want to do?
Why I want to do it?

Why write?
Because I hope to somehow touch lives beyond my family without detracting from my primary responsibility and assignment.

Also because it helps me better understand myself, so that (Lord willing) I can better/more efficiently improve myself to be a useful tool and effective witness for my heavenly master.
Being less of an embarrassment to myself is an additional perk.

Why Guitar?
Because I’ve always felt competency in an instrument it is somehow a part of a “complete” life, along with the husband and children and so on.

While not wishing to diminish the the intensity of the desire for children, this is the best analogy I’ve found so far: There is a image of older women desiring children; that they feel a hole, along with a sense of urgency while they wait. That’s the best way I can describe my “need” for excellence, or maybe just existence, in this realm of music.

Being able to sing (even well) is somehow not enough, in the way that these women, while perhaps willing to adopt, desperately want to hold their own baby.

It is a very awkward need to have, truly, because I’ve found little internal motivation (e.g., to practice) beyond the bloated sense of need that it happen. The means of happening is woefully under-funded.

Continue reading »