Author Archives: Amy Jane

List-making

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(Originally at Family News)

I don’t know what’s up with me and lists. You’d think these sorts of things would discourage me…be depressing. Everything I can’t/don’t do… (I do all types of these).

But in a weird way they’re encouraging too. Putting them down helps me see what really real (I had to dig for the last two [list on the original post]– and really they aren’t as critical, I just thought the list needed padding) so I actually only have 3 things to figure out, whereas, when I started the list, I felt buried under a mountain of unknowns.

And then, especially with day-to-day not-dones, I look at the list and see how well we all can survive with so much left undone. It also gives me a tangible list to prioritize and work from.

For example, the dried noodles under Melody’s chair can be really annoying (and even painful) when I’m trying to do something in that area, but cleaning some dishes to cook dinner in is more important than vacuuming or picking up that area. And so is sitting to cuddle Melody while she watches “Wooma Weed!” She has a high cuddle need, but isn’t really good at asking for it before she melts down. Movies sometimes help fill that gap. So do certain books.

Food, clothes, and cuddling (not necessarily in that order) are, I’ve decided, the priorities in this house.

That, and I get nap-times to myself. In case you’re wondering, that’s when I write (or after bed-time, like now).

Redirection

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At this point I’m not planning to restart the storytelling group in the fall. We easily agreed to put it on-hold for the summer (there are very few members involved enough to “vote” anymore), and I expected we’d start again once school began, but now I think my focus has shifted.

I may have mentioned before (who remembers this?) that Jay wanted me to keep my GKP (Gordian Knot Productions) work limited to two things.

He said this earlier in the year (or late last year?) when I began expressing interest in pursuing some freelance writing projects. I didn’t feel ready to drop teaching or storytelling, so I chose not to pick up the new ball.

But now things are shifting again. I’ve been pulled back more and more to writing. It’s an aspect of my personality I’ve been aware of for a long time: the more time I spend on something, the more I love it/want to do it. (This does not, unfortunately, apply so much to the have-to-dos like housework.) Continue reading »

Marital Differences

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Currently Watching
House, M.D. – Season One
see related

Jay and I were talking again last night about how were alike, and different.

At the store yesterday, I was on-assignment to buy the first season of “House” with a 20%-off coupon. While I was there I ended up buying an additional 4 movies. There was a display of $7.50 DVDs and I just grabbed two I was interested in, then two I knew Jay would love.

Later I asked Jay if it bothered him I bought something extra (unessential, un-budgeted for) without checking in with him. He pointed out his (much more) expensive purchase a few seasons ago, that he knew I wouldn’t like and he did anyway. (He also liked that I picked out the two for him, so he wasn’t inclined to feel annoyed).

But what we each chose was what led to the discussion. He bought a snow machine helmet (though we don’t own a snow machine), and I bought movies.

He bought something for doing (especially with his brothers/family) and I bought stories.

 

My new Guitar

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I haven’t mentioned it here yet, but we bought a new guitar before Elisha was a week old. Jay had been doing this research, before E was born, on a brand called Rainsong, and was totally sold, since the material is supposed to be basically impervious to environmental changes (dryness, cold, etc). The guitar store within walking distance had the exact guitar we wanted (I don’t manage/fit full-bodied guitars well). So we tried it out and less than a week later we were bringing it home.

I’ve been using that new guitar almost daily now (yay for me), getting attached to the sound and used to the feel, but I don’t think I’ll ever like the smell .

One of the first things I fell-in-love with my first (the classical) guitar was the smell. It is a cedar/rosewood instrument, and every time I open the case the smell is so pleasant.

The graphite guitar smells almost petroleum but fortunately that’s just the case– the guitar doesn’t reek just sitting in the open air.

(And *whew* I remembered to check the sponges on the old two today– they were *d*r*y* Guitars still fine though).

I need to actually try to sell them. But I guess I have been justifiably busy…

Jay’s back at work. Real life resumes.

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Everybody’s sleeping at the same time, for the second day in a row.

I still haven’t noticed any particular pattern, other than just now, this everybody being asleep at once. I could get used to this. I like having an hour or two to myself to write and think out of my fingers.

I need to get back to my novel (and music practicing) too. I’m at about 7500 words –13 pages– and still feel the whole process is unreal. I wonder a lot if this subject can make it to 50,000 words, but since it’s mostly for recreation, I suppose I can just write until I’m out of story and then see where I am….

A Time to Cherish

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(Initially posted at Family News)

As long as I’ve had my own child in my arms I’ve been hearing some version of the line from adults my parents’ age (thankfully never from my parents):

“Enjoy it while it lasts, sweetie, it’ll be over before you know it.”Laying aside the fact that I was none of these people’s “sweetie,” the line always bugged me. I had several ready (rude?) responses:

  • If they stopped, well, wouldn’t that be worse?”
  • “Every stage has things you’re glad to get away from too.”

But mostly, I think with my girls the comment didn’t bother me as much as it annoyed me (someone telling me how to feel). I expected to have more kids. I would see this stage again up-close, and for now I was just living my version of “normal.” How many people want (or need) to be told how to be normal?

I have a friend I spoke with over the phone once when we both should have been starting dinner. We talked about being at home, and how glad we were to be our babies’ primary caregiver and the neat things we experience instead of missing. And alternated with that commiserations on the monotony of those days. I loved her summary:

“Every day is so different, and every day is exactly the same.” Continue reading »

“Processing”

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The main problem I see with “therapeutic” writing is how necessary (or, at least, strongly encouraged) it seems to be to focus on the negative you’re trying to deal with/process.

The implication is that you must define and identify it, I suppose.

But for me to do this I must submit myself to the negative feelings that pull at me (both now and during “real-life”), and that seems dangerous. Who surrenders to the mini-whirlpools that pull at their ankles when swimming in unfamiliar waters? Isn’t that just foolishness?

I am experiencing emotions I want to process, I do want to understand myself and be understood, but the cost of (potentially) becoming mired in them still seems greater than the cost of pushing, however muck-footed, through them.

A lot of wordless prayers these days.

Boundaries for Behavior

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I came across this quote while reading an article on the Boundless webzine.

It was written by Susanna Wesley to her son while he was away at college. Apparently he had written to ask her for a list of sins he should avoid while away (?!). I can only presume this was to allow himself a human conscience (that might forget something) rather than invoking divine guidance that would doubtless be more thorough.

She did well though. Instead of making a list of vices she made a list of descriptions. I thought this was great:

Whatever weakens your reason, whatever impairs the tenderness of your conscience, whatever obscures your sense of God, whatever increases the authority of your body over your mind, whatever takes away from your relish for spiritual things, that to you is sin, no matter how innocent it is in itself.

Details

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Now, I know I have a mind for details. Once I input them I usually remember them (I’d like a word stronger than “usually,” but no one can say “always”). So it’s funny/weird to me when I get asked questions I know they know the answer to. Or, at least, I remember previously giving them the information.Last Sunday I saw a woman I haven’t seen since Christmas Eve. She gave me one of those OHMYGOODNESS-looks, and asks, “Did I know you were pregnant?” I assured her, yes, I was showing at Christmas and we’d talked about it.

But maybe it’s not just her with this remembering I’m pregnant thing. Another friend I saw only a couple times a month would exclaim (every time she saw me), “Oh! I forgot you were pregnant!” Now, she had a lot on her plate, and I don’t mean this as any slur on her, but I don’t think I’ve ever forgotten a friend was pregnant (their due dates may come in-and-out of focus, but I don’t forget a baby is coming…) This happened most recently in mid-March, after which she said I was big enough now she felt she would remember.

I was never sure if I was “allowed” to laugh at her… befuddlement? Her tone when she said the words (this happened at least 4 or 5 times) was very-near comical. I suppose she was embarrassed. And I suppose this post could just make it worse…

But I’ll move on to the other pg-related thing that people seem to forget (Other than exact due-date, which is okay to forget, b/c it’s like trying to remember everyone’s birthday– you only do that if you have a thorough calendar. Mine was last Monday, BTW)

This “other” is whether we’re expecting a boy or a girl.

This pregnancy has been unique in that we feel fairly certain it’s a boy. We didn’t know the first two times until the birth. The conversational question everybody asks is, “What are you having?” I like to answer, “A baby.” Then they’ll say, “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” “Well, those are the only options I’m aware of.”

This time I usually say some variation of, “The ultrasound said it’s a boy.” What’s funny to me are the people who ask (or congratulate us) more than once, w/o seeming to remember that we told them months ago (3 or 4 to date). And these are people who asked and were interested in the answer before.

Amazing.

Never having been in any head but my own, I shouldn’t assume everyone else thinks like me, but it is only natural, since I’ve only been in my own head, to assume what comes thoughtlessly to me shouldn’t be too much more strenuous for the rest of the world… But perhaps I’m beginning to learn otherwise…

Storytelling for SpEd kids

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I had a full day of employment today, and didn’t even really get to use it all.

Fairbanks Arts Assn. hired me to tell stories to the (primarily) Special Ed. students who were coming to their annual “Very Special Arts Day,” and I agreed, knowing I would have to do a lot of thinking/program-ordering on the fly, since there was no way to gage in advance the… mental abilities (or span of those) within any given group.

I settled on a handful of tried-and-true, back-pocket stories (things that I wouldn’t get flustered in if somebody got loud or something), and a few folktale picture books. Continue reading »