What I Love About My Husband

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Kathy at Mudlark Tales did a post celebrating the details of her love for her husband, and I liked the idea so much I wanted to follow suit.

(If you find this kind of celebration cloying, obnoxious or anything else negative, please look at this recent post.)

Otherwise, I hope this list gives you warm-fuzzies, and inspires you to think of all the little things that add to your delight in the package-deal that is your husband.

What this exercise does is force one to notice details, and once that began, I remembered more and more. I expect to record more as I think of them, but they will probably go in my home journal, rather than here.

This list was such fun to make I could have kept going, but I decided to stop at 50.

  1. I love that he has a job he enjoys and is happy to go to.
  2. I love that he sets the alarm on his watch so he remembers to come home on time.
  3. I love how he provides for me to be home with the children.
  4. I love how he comes home and works along side me without complaint.
  5. I love the example he is to our children of working whole-heartedly at something. At everything.
  6. I love when he surprises me by saying just what I was thinking– before I do (especially to somebody I shouldn’t have said it to, but he could).
  7. I love how he can follow my convoluted way of thinking without getting lost.
  8. I love how he listens to me to let me process; how he invites it (“Tell me about your day”).
  9. I love how he is actually engaged while he does this, and gives me the feedback I need to refine faulty ideas.
  10. I love to hear him laugh when he’s reading a book I gave him that I have enjoyed.
  11. I love to hear him read aloud something that struck him, and seeing how his mind works.
  12. I love how he can fix anything.
  13. I love how gently he ignores the world’s opinion– the way he is absolutely un-vested in any stranger’s opinion of him.
  14. I love how he asks me for more details.
  15. I love how he sings with his whole heart, even though he doesn’t have a trained voice.
  16. I love how he began the tradition of creating silly songs at bedtime, making up nonsense while I was still stuck on how I sounded instead of focusing on my children’s delight.
  17. I love how he tells me exactly what he’s thinking.
  18. I love knowing he loves me enough I never have to be afraid of what he’s thinking.
  19. I love that he notices whatever I’ve gotten done on the house, even if it’s not all clean when he gets home.
  20. I love how he enjoys everything I cook.
  21. I love how he doesn’t complain about my picky eating and knows he got a special treat when I make him something I’m not fond of (e.g. lasagna).
  22. I love that he shares my passion for ice cream.
  23. I love that he never talks about weight or exercise while we’re enjoying it.
  24. I’m so thankful he is a left-overs eater.
  25. That he values my opinion.
  26. That he trusts my judgment (sometimes more than I do).
  27. That he believes my instincts.
  28. That he is concerned with self-improvement.
  29. I love how there has never been a joke in my house about how I look in the morning.
  30. I love how he plays with our kids.
  31. I love the look on his face when he walks in to show me he got the baby to sleep.
  32. I love the look on his face when he watches me in the mirror.
  33. I love how he matches his rhythm and stride to mine whenever we walk together.
  34. I love that he drives most of the time, because I hate to drive.
  35. I love that he doesn’t complain when I drive.
  36. I love having him as my own personal furnace to pre-warm the bed each night .
  37. I love that he lets me put my cold feet on him.
  38. I love how he notices when I take extra effort with my clothes, hair or make-up, and compliments me.
  39. I love how he’ll cut the last slice from the loaf of homemade bread and take the heel to leave the slice for me. (If I’m in the room he’ll look over at me and say “I love you” when he does it.)
  40. I am thankful he doesn’t complain about how much money I spend on books.
  41. I appreciate so. much. that he will eat one-handed (i.e., with the baby) so I don’t have to.
  42. He read my novel. In it’s original, unedited, post-NaNo form. Sure, this was something of a trust-exercise on my part, but it was also a tribute to his worthiness of that trust.
  43. He liked my novel, but also had incredibly useful and constructive things to say. (My current version is massively influenced and improved by two of his three general suggestions.)
  44. He was upset that it wasn’t all written yet. This is just the coolest thing to a writer: that a reader would want more.
  45. I love how patiently he endured my brainstorming about the pattern I am designing, letting me talk until the time I could actually start drawing and cutting and sewing.
  46. I love how like-minded we are. How there are so few things to argue about because we agree on all the big things already.
  47. I love the sense of security and confidence I feel just having him around.
  48. I love how it’s sometimes hard to make birthdays or special days extra special because we’re already doing nice things on normal days.
  49. I like it that he still tries.
  50. I love that he likes to be with me, and misses me when he’s gone.

There is a quote from Jane Eyre that summarizes very well my feelings about my relationship with Jay.

To be together is for us to be at once as free as in solitude, as gay as in company… to talk to each other is but a more animated and audible thinking.

All my confidence is bestowed on him, all his confidence is devoted to me; we are precisely suited in character– perfect concord is the result.

Update/Confession Time

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  • I have a storytelling gig tomorrow afternoon (for Blueberry Baby‘s grand re-opening in their new location) and have not practiced. Really.

(Sorry, Lara– I’ll try to be ready. Jay says I have enough in my back pocket already. We’ll find out, I suppose.)

  • I totally revised my picture book manuscript yesterday.
  • I also went through and found a number a publishers for a second round of multiple submissions
    • My “everything” envelopes (with the cover letter, SASE and Mss.) is just over 1-oz. on my little danglie scale, and I have no un-wasteful way to make postage for that size.
    • So I will be bringing three small children to stand in line at the post office today (hmmm, maybe this will be a chance to practice my stories…)

Ah, yes. Nothing like practicing voices in a postal checkout line to make self-awareness race in laps like a snake inside your gut.

I don’t know how a self-conscious person like me ends up with a singing voice or a story heart.

Right. To stretch me. Whoopie.

Oh! And I’ve got sewing on the brain for the first time in *many* months.

I’m still in the R & D stage, but I may be making some stuffed toys to sell at Blueberry Baby.

I’m still designing the pattern (in my head, so far).

Before I could actually put pen to paper I had to get to a stopping spot in my writing– hence yesterday’s accomplishments.

My goal is to find a design that will be simple enough to be time- and cost- effective while still being a unique and identifiable species.

~

The kids and I spent a few hours yesterday morning at my cousin-in-law’s place.

She watched the girls while I worked detail-stuff upstairs with Elisha nearby.

Great system I think I’ll be using again. (Hers were the boys I watched that day I was so productive.)

If I can get the house whipped together (enough) this morning, I might try some actual pattern-drafting during nap-time.

I’m excited at the possibilities.

Children Learning to Work

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I came across this series of articles written by Lara at The Lazy Organizer and liked them so much I wanted to link them here (so I can find them again when I need the reminder):

All about including children in cleaning-up.  But more than that too.  So much good stuff.  Go.  Read.  (Dream of the day your child/ren will be old enough for this to apply.)

The emphasis is on training now, so they’ll be equipped later– not having to figure out on their own so much of the stuff we (even 2nd and 3rd generation!) young homemakers have been working toward.

It’s funny.  I did every kind of job while I was at home, so I wasn’t unprepared that way, but I still had no idea how to put it all together– how to make it regular or automatic (or efficient!).

These are the things I’m trying to catch-up on now, and I imagine the great value it would be to help my children learn  (as Lara puts it so well) while they’re young and have so many fewer distractions.

Its the same principle behind music practice and scripture-memory in childhood, really.

Now if I could only pull myself and my desires into order.  That would make all these lessons more effective…

Bought a New-Release

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The last time I remember doing this was when Beauty and the Beast came out on Video.

Jay and I saw Music and Lyrics in the theater, and it being our first movie in a long time it inspired a series of movie posts (In Defense of “Movie” Dates, Finding Motivation in a Movie, and Movie Weaknesses, in case you missed them the first time around ;o)).

Now I had some birthday money, and we decided it would be fun to buy. Neither of us liked the ultrasexualized dancing, of course (see “Movie Weaknesses” above), but Jay’s pretty confident now he can cut those scenes for a version to have on our computer.

This might seem like a weird thing to mention on a blog like this, but it’s about a story– a story I enjoyed with my honey and we’re looking forward to sharing it again.

How Much Mystery…?

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I was reminded recently about a book I read where the female author warned wives not to be too transparent with their husbands.

She wasn’t advocating concealment or duplicity, she sincerely believed that to drag one’s beloved through the details of your life is to remove all that could be deep or mysterious within a woman’s nature.

And wives need to maintain that aura of mystery in order to keep their husband’s intrigued.

The idea, of course, being that it is the thrill of the unknown that could be what causes some men to “stray.” The idea that their own women have become boring.

<<Do you know, my dad never allowed us kids to use the word bored? I didn’t remember this at all. It was my grandmother who brought it up, last summer. Apparently he would just say, “Then go find something to do.” I always wondered why it wasn’t in my general usage.>>

Like I said, I was reminded of this idea when I came across it in an online article, and reviewing the idea I decided it sounded ridiculous.

But, hey. I’m not the guy. Maybe I am dumping too much on him. Maybe he’s drowning in the sea of verbal processing I direct at him and he’s too polite to stop me.

So I go to the expert. To the man himself. I explain the concept and ask if he’d like it if I were more reserved, or if I should try to find someone else to talk to instead of “dumping” on him, and try to cultivate this being more mysterious.

He looked at me like I was crazy and said, “No. Way. I don’t need you to be *more* mysterious.”

And, seriously folks, what man wants his woman to be harder to figure out?

Contentment or Anger

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While continuing to think about yesterday’s topic, marriage came up.

Now, I suppose an unmarried person would take an admonition to contentment differently, but as a married person I find it interesting that husbands and husband-behavior didn’t come up in our spontaneous list.

Most of that can, I believe, be attributed to the fact that our group seems to be full of contented women (a blessing I wish for every young wife– to be surrounded by contentment. It is a good training ground).

We have every personality-type represented in our small church, and a variety of marriage-types (God did such a good job pairing us off!).

It would be possible for any of us to look at one thing another husband does really well, and become discontented or angry with our own husband, but to seek contentment we can fall back to this test:

Have I prayed about this yet? Why do I want this/him to be different? So I will look better? So my life will be easier?

After this conversation about anger and wanting and covetousness, I understood for the first time why some women have become angry with me when I talk about my relationship with my husband: I have something they want, but don’t have.

Perhaps I can try to redirect their reaction to prayer before their response progresses to (this seems so weird) covetousness?

Maybe there’s nothing at all I can do.

Does this mean I should avoid talking about my (fabulous!) husband, like I should avoid talking about being a millionaire?  (I’m not one, if you were wondering.)

I make it a point to not speak negatively of my husband, so someone might never guess what a truly balanced view I have of him, or make the (erroneous) assumption that he is perfect, or that I believe he is.

But it’s harder, I think, to not-talk about my husband than about anything else someone could envy.

I’m not really sure what the guidelines should be here.

I can’t control other people’s reactions, but I can pray for the sensitivity not to feed those reactions overmuch.

It’s an awkward balance to seek: modeling positive conversation about my husband (in the midst of husband complaints) without sounding like I’m gloating or exalting myself/my marriage.

The Kiss– a Tuesday Tale

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Here’s another short one– I was too young to understand it the first time I read it, but somehow still knew it was funny.

~

In the days of the Soviet Union, a young woman, an old woman, a KGB officer and a university student found themselves sharing a cramped railway car traveling from Moscow.

Passing into a tunnel, the car became utterly dark. As soon as the light was gone the four heard a loud kiss followed immediately by the sharp sound of a slap.

The old woman thought, Now there’s a girl with good morals.

The KGB officer grumbled to himself, thinking, Isn’t that tidy. The boy steals a kiss and I catch the clout for his impudence.

The young lady felt confused. I wonder why that handsome student tried to kiss the old lady and not me…

And the student smiled to himself, knowing he had gotten away with assaulting an officer simply by kissing his hand.

~

This is the type of trickster tale that I enjoy– where the little man learns how survive (and frequently to thrive) within the rules of a much larger and frequently hostile system.

Check Your Attitude

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What is the source of the wars and the fights among you? Don’t they come from the cravings that are at war within you? You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and don’t receive because you ask wrongly, so that you may spend it on your desires for pleasure.

James 4:1-3

Holman Christian Standard Version

This was our passage in Sunday School this morning. The discussion went something like this:

“Now, I can’t imagine any of us actually murdering because we couldn’t get something.”

“But there’s that passage where Jesus equates anger with murder, and I can see any of us getting angry about not getting something we want. Seeing things other people have and we don’t.”

“Not just things. There’s sleep, time.”

“Children.”

“Travel.”

“And, really, this passage is very clear why we don’t have what we want: ‘You do not have because you do not ask,’ (makes me think of an earlier blog post) or ‘You ask and don’t receive because you ask wrongly, so that you may spend it on your desires for pleasure.’ We just studied last summer that the point of prayer was to bring glory to God, not fulfilling our wants or needs.”

“So if we ask for something for ‘spending on our own pleasures‘ we’re working against the express purpose of prayer, and there should be no surprise it doesn’t work.”

~ ~ ~

Now, I know there are a number of ways and reasons God says “no” to prayers: His will for us, timing, protecting us from what we think we want…

But I think it is good, too, to run our unanswered prayers though this James 4:3 filter and see if we need to be convicted about a wrong attitude in the way or for what we’re asking.

One Trumps All

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When I’m holding forth on some topic and make an assertion from a statistical level, it is interesting to me how forcefully someone will disagree if their personal experience conflicts with my proposed reality.

Naturally “your reality is reality,” but if facts are presented that contradict your reality, well… then we have… global warming. Both sides. <rant warning>

Ugh. Enough already. When you have something new for the average citizen to do, I’d love to hear it. As long as you’re recycling sidebars from 1985 (yes, I know how much you love to recycle) quit beating us over the head: Real or unreal, give us some candles or stop telling us we suck up all the light.

<rant over>

*sigh*

I was just talking with someone last week about how much charting can help improve the chances of conceiving and the woman standing next to me insisted it didn’t work for her.

“Well, I haven’t interviewed you yet,” I said, trying to sound light about it. But really it made me think of a relative who used the phrase, “Well, when I was growing up…” about four times in 20 minutes.

He was talking about all the dangerous things he’d survived as a kid, using his experience as a measure of what he was comfortable with for kids.

Without thinking (certainly without considering the negitive impact this might have on familial relations) I chirped, “I think it’s great how your sample-size of one trumps all.”

But really, isn’t this how we all are?

In some things (knowing my body is different than anyone else’s) this make sense as a directer of choices.

But in other things (say– turning your pack of 8-year-olds loose at the local swimming hole) personal experience shouldn’t override protective sense.

I’m still working at listening well enough to a broader reality that doesn’t match mine, but mostly, I’m trying to learn the difference between the things I should trump and the things (if this is the right term) that should make me fold.