A Limit to Emotional Energy

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(from Margin by Richard Swenson, M.D.)

Each morning we rise to meet the day with a certain measure of emotional energy. A quantum of stamina….

This quantum of emotional energy is not fixed but instead is in constant flux with its environment. We are always losing energy into the environment and receiving energy back again….

Think in terms of those people who always  make you feel tired, or those activities that leave you energized.  This isn’t woo-woo New Age stuff– it’s within our own experience.

No matter how large or small the quantum of emotional energy is at the start of the day, and no matter how fast or slow it is exchanging with the environment, one thing is certain: The amount within us is finite. No one has an infinite capacity for emotional discharge….

We often have trouble accepting the idea of rationing our emotional energy. It is simply too difficult to quantify our feelings. We feel ashamed admitting that our spirit is exhausted and collapsing within us.

But our hesitancy in no way constitutes proof that such limits are only a convenient fiction for the weak and lazy.

Instead, our hesitancy is an obstacle to overcome.

Almost Brilliant

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I had this *fantastic* brain flash last night for a series, complete with main characters and interactions that I adore.  One that really that could become a brand.

Main problem: its a genre I’ve not read much.   Like, I’ve read eight books from a kids’ series in this genre, and watched a couple (only a couple) movies, but I totally love the idea, so I’m going to have to hang on to it.  (One thing at a time…)

But it is *really* high on my next-big-project list.  (Hmmm, are we thinking NaNo 2007?)

Actually, Jay’s not sure we’ll do NaNo this year.   Says we’ll have to wait and see if we’re more together by then.

Killed by a Tiger– a Tuesday Tale

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Found in Folktales from India.

A brother and sister lived in a forest alone, with no parents.

One day, they offered shelter to a stranger lost in the woods. He was struck by the sister’s beauty and made arrangements with the brother to marry her.

Some months after the marriage the sister sent word that she would soon give birth, so her brother set out on the journey that would bring him to her village.

It was a long journey, and to be safe from wild animals through the night the brother asked a tree for permission to sleep in its branches. This the tree agreed to.

That night a great tiger came to the foot of the tree and askedit to accompany him to the next village.

The headman’s wife has just had a son, and I will be killing him on his wedding day.

The tree begged off, saying he had a guest, and the tiger said there would be great punishments if the visitor revealed what he had heard.

Now, the brother was quite distraught, convinced it was his new nephew the tiger had spoken of. When he reached the village he found out it was so, but said nothing of what he had heard, only making his sister promise she would inform him so he would be present when his nephew was to marry.

After many years he received word, and returned to his sister’s village, stationing himself with his bow and ax at his nephew’s side, never leaving him for a moment.

That afternoon the young man declared he would take a walk in the fields, no matter what his uncle might say. So the faithful uncle went along, too, convinced this would be the time the tiger would attack.

He was right.

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E.A. (Explainers Anonymous)

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Hi, my name is Amy and I’m a compulsive explainer.

Blogging may not be the best hobby for one with my affliction. Heigh-ho.

It’s funny, too, because I’ve given the advice to not apologize just to placate– to keep the peace at all costs– because if you’re in a continuing relationship with an individual that demands that you’re pasting a kick-me sign on your own back.

I never realized that “explaining” does a similar thing with some people.

The writer’s-group abbreviation RUE (resist the urge to explain) is something I need to train myself to apply.

~

I’ve known for a while I’m a compulsive explainer– in Sunday school I’ve mentioned it twice, mostly as a way to explain my need to explain– but I never really thought about doing things differently until I was walking with a friend shortly after getting my new dog.

“I thought at first I didn’t want a pit because I didn’t want one more thing in my life to explain– homemaking, no preschool, teaching natural birth control, storytelling as both necessary and a true art. All have become things I have to explain, and now I throw a pit bull into the mix.”

“Why explain?” my friend asked. “Just be confident you’re doing the best for your family and let it go at that. People can understand or not.”

But they *have* to understand! I wanted to say.

But, they don’t.

Will it really change anything? Why hang your peace on what everyone thinks? We already know we can’t make everyone happy.

I don’t know how long this audio podcast will still be available on-line, so click over when you can and listen while you do housework or something. It’s called Dealing with the Crazy Makers in Your Life, and is a conversation based on a book with the same title.

The show opens with he author describing several different kinds of “crazy makers,” those people who take their problems into every relationship–it really is them, not you. Things like the aggressive personality, the martyr, the Egotist (“One nice thing about Egotists– they don’t talk about other people…”) and borderline personality disorder.

Then, in the second half, he talks about what hooks these problems catch other people with, and finally what to do differently (as someone trying to stay healthy).

Interesting to me, one of the more common hooks, and a most ineffective coping (or placating) strategy, is explaining.

Some of his advice might seem controversial to some (“Quit trying to understand her feelings– you won’t be able to.”) but it was very eye-opening for me.

My conclusion: I’ve found two ways (so far) “explaining” can be unhealthy. Continue reading »

Rude– or not?

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So, I’ve been leading the study in the women’s Sunday school class this month.

It’s been really good to see things from “the other side” for a while. I’ve “improved” (matured?) each week, this week’s victory being pulling back to the study/lesson plan rather than offering my good example to the off-topic point someone else brought up.

What’s on my mind now is being “rebuked” this morning by someone who apparently thought I was out of line.

As we were on that section of James that includes the mention of “confessing our faults” to one another, I was searching my heart and conduct, trying to decide if she were justified, and whether I needed to apologize to someone.

My conclusion was double-sided and frames my quandary.

As the teacher, I feel what I said was appropriate and did its purpose of clarifying a concern– of streamlining and focusing a speaker searching for words.

But, if I was not seen as the teacher by this (other) woman, it could have sounded like impatience or interrupting on my part (which is what she seemed to be scolding me for).

In the end, my conscience is clear, but desiring to nurture peace, or have things go differently in the future, I’m not sure if there is something more I should do.

Still praying for wisdom on that.

My “Eventually” To-dos

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Now, to be honest, I already have a “someday” list, but I was looking at a post of Ann’s and (as I sometimes just feel like making lists) I wanted to follow her example and make a list of somedays that were based more on the challenge of doing them than the challenge of growing the skills (the list referenced above).

Here’s my first attempt.

  1. Learn to ride a tandem bicycle
  2. Do an overnight hiking/camping trip (ideally 2-way, maybe a couple days out and back)
  3. Adopt another Grandma (eventually)
  4. Perform at an open-mic night at a local coffee shop (stories or music)
  5. Create a storytelling curriculum–or the start of one– that teaches storytelling like children these days are taught essay-writing (as The Horse and His Boy puts it).
  6. Find (and fill) a female role in a musical that both has a good solo(s) and doesn’t end up kissing anyone. (Men have so many more options than woman within these parameters.)
  7. Finish writing a novel
  8. Publish a novel
  9. Write a song
  10. Climb a tree as high as I can go (more than one kind of tree).

Another Quote Round-up

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Do not let us mistake necessary evils for good.

–C.S. Lewis

Much of our activity is like the waves of the sea, going always and arriving never.

–Charlotte Mason, A Philosophy of Education

The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.

–G.K. Chesterton

Do not pray for easy lives, but pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers, but pray for power equal to your tasks.

–Phillip Brooks

Ask!

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If you need something, asking is usually a good place to start.

James addresses this a couple times. He reminds his readers that “you do not have because you do not ask.” (There’s more, too, of course, and I talked about the motive/attitude angle not long ago.)

He also reminds us that if we need wisdom (and who doesn’t?), asking is the way to get it.

~ ~ ~

Hee hmm.

All those great and grand thoughts to say my WFMW is to ask about the little things too.

Like milk. I did a whole post once on freezing milk (fascinating reading, of course). It’s the most conscious/active thing I do to save on our grocery bill.

Anyway, this story even happened because we were out of milk and I needed to go shopping (here’s a free take-away: freezing milk will mean fewer trips to the grocery store– which should also help save money).

Rather than spending the time driving around to find out if there was cheap milk on the shelf (my previous discoveries have all been haphazard or through the grapevine), I decided to call around instead.

The first dairy manager seemed almost offended when I asked her if there was any regularity to milk being marked-down. I realized later that question I could sound like, ‘Tell me how often you screw-up ordering.” Oops.

I had my pitch better by the second call. I explained I like to buy and freeze marked-down milk because it reduced my grocery bill, and this manager said he had some older milk he could pull and mark-down for me.

So I went, and while $2/gallon isn’t the best deal I ever got (it’s hard to beat 50-cents a gallon), it’s still good, and I felt blessed by the manager’s flexibility. Another cool thing was that he said to call again when we’ve used up this round.

~

It’s been my experience that there are a lot of nice people in the world. I’ve also noticed that many of these nice people want to help others, and asking for something they can provide lets them do that.

Win-win.

The Riddle– a Tuesday Tale

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An unfortunate chain of events while hunting left a king lost and dependent on a lowly charcoal-maker.

Somewhat overawed by their unexpected guest, the charcoal-maker and his wife served the king as best they could, which was far from what the king was accustomed to.

Amazed that his hosts could seem content in such circumstances, the king ventured to ask the charcoal-maker how much he earned for a day of work. The answer astounded him.

“How do you survive with so little?” the king asked.

Smiling, the charcoal maker said, “I don’t just make enough to survive. On that income I also pay off a debt, invest for the future and still find enough left over to throw out the window.”

The king couldn’t believe this and asked the meaning of the poor man’s riddle.

“Your majesty, my mother brought me up, and now I care for her in her old age. In this way I am paying off a debt. I raise my son with the hope that he will do the same for me. In this way I am investing for the future. I also have a daughter, and put aside an amount for her dowry, which, as you know, is the same as throwing money out the window.”

This answer pleased the king greatly, and he gave the charcoal maker a gold coin for his hospitality.

“Can you keep a secret, charcoal-maker?”

“Until you allow me to speak of it again.”

“Very good. You may speak of it again– when you have seen my face 100 times.”

The charcoal maker agreed, and guided the king back to the road.

As soon as he returned home, the king set the charcoal-maker’s riddle before his entire court, promising the position of royal counselor to the person able to come up with the correct answer.

While others guessed futilely, a crafty courtier rode until he came to the charcoal-maker the king had spoken of.

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