Category Archives: Personal

About me and/or for my benefit

Is “homemaking” enough or isn’t it? (Pt. 3 of 4)

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Monday I got a call from a woman I had offered to help. She needed assistance carrying some heavy water jugs before they froze, and I had told her to call when she wanted me to come out. The freeze the night before prompted her call, so I asked when she wanted me to come (mentally trying to work out when I could).

She hedged. Apparently she also had some shopping she needed done (“Just 7 items!”), and that was more important to her. Some of them had to do with pain management. I was in something of a brain-fog (another story) and so stuck with the basics: I couldn’t do the shopping, but when did she need help with the water? She basically said that the drive wasn’t worth it just for the water (“I’ll have whoever brings the shopping help with the water. That’s what’s really needed now.”). So the conversation ended.

I realized, belatedly, that it might have helped to point out that shopping (for 7 or 27 items) with 3 children under 4 is much more challenging than a drive and outdoor work.

~~~

Returning to the talk of “Seasons,” there are obviously things that will be easier to do when the children are older, and, like I mentioned yesterday, there’s at least one type of ministry that’s easier when the kids are young.

Interestingly enough, it’s what I’m already doing. Sharing conversation, counsel and encouragement with other women. Mentally reviewing the topics that continually come up, like birth control and relationship issues, I’ve repeatedly been thankful my children are young enough that I can speak plainly about certain things. And I have wondered what (or how) I will change when that is no longer possible.

Peter Kreeft (whose The Angel and the Ants I’ve quoted a few times here) points out that “our individual personal bent or desire or instincts” are worth considering when making decisions.

I have a (well-known) “personal bent” towards talking and generally thinking aloud. This has proven useful in a number of cases where I believe God used me to teach or encourage others. This, most frequently, is the type of ministry I see myself engaging in during this season of parenting (you see I really don’t mind the word… just my first impression of it).

God has brought other people across my path and into my home, feeding my own hunger for conversation, along with allowing me to encourage others.

~~~

Inevitably it comes down to remembering (and seeking) to be sensitive to God’s leading, both in timing and in type.

I remind myself that if I’m paying attention I have no reason to feel I’m going to miss something. If I feel I am going to miss something, that just means I’m being messed with (weariness can do a number…), and– assuming I’m still being attentive– I need to just get my mind off myself, and trust my faithful God to direct me where he wants me to go.

(Part 4 of 4)

Is “homemaking” enough or isn’t it? (Pt. 2 of 4)

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Jay was having a tough stretch at work, a couple weeks of no progress on an important project. It was a Tuesday evening, and through a (what I believe was a God-ordained) fluke, everything at home was perfect:

Elisha slept all afternoon, so I was able to clean the kitchen; the girls wanted to dress-up and dance (which we all did); and then we had to clear the living room to make room for dancing (to praise music, at their request); then we were all tired at the same time and I started dinner while they played (nicely!) together.

They “helped” me make biscuits while I made soup for dinner, and Jay opened the door right as the timer went off on the biscuits. I was dressed nicely (which Jay always enjoys), worship music was playing, the girls were laughing together, and our home was the peaceful, joyful haven Jay had needed at that exact moment.

It was all so perfect I tried to make it happen again the next couple evenings, but it didn’t, and that just drove home for me that it was a special grace given to us for that needy time.

This is the image I return to when I question if I’m not focused enough on my home: the reality that God gives gifts and abilities where and when they are needed. That he provides for those challenging times. (That evening happened not long after my Grandmother died, and I think God was encouraging me as much as for my husband in helping me create a peaceful home).

Sometimes I wonder if I never read (for just myself) or wrote, whether my house would be maintained at a higher level. The answer has to be yes, if only from a mathematical standpoint, but I have to wonder if the amount of improvement would be worth what I’d have to give up.

So far, I’m thinking, No.

~~~

Side note: I recognize that everyone needs some time to recharge, or there will be nothing to give, but I get prickly when women start getting off on claims (demands) that they deserve this or that. Half the time it seems like I’m hearing, “I want it, therefore I deserve it.”

This is not automatically true.

~~~

For now I think I’m reasonably balanced. My problem, I think, is that the criteria for defining the balance are nonexistent. At least, I haven’t found them yet.

One nice thing about nursing a baby is that I get several automatic slots each day to sit and do my own thing. (Natasha, like many older siblings, started “nursing” her dolls after her little sister was born. Essential to her ritual, copying me, was having a book in front of her on the couch.)

With this baby I write, like now, when nursing. So my way of doing something ‘for me’ doesn’t take away from the kids. If I confine my writing. And I don’t always.

“Seasons” has a good application in this way. There are definitely some types of service that are easier when your children are older. Hmmm, actually, there’s at least one type that’s easier when your kids are younger too.

(More on those next time.)

(Part 3 of 4)

Is “homemaking” enough or isn’t it? (Pt. 1 of 4)

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This post got really long, so I’ll divide it up over the next few days

The Question
Advocates/encouragers of full-time, at-home moms repeatedly emphasize the work these (we) women do is valuable and worthy of their (our, my) talents. That it is enough of a job to be “just” home, without any outside work.

Then why is it not enough ministry to “just” be raising your children in a godly way? Why is “outside” ministry (working in the church, volunteering around town, sharing your talents/ giftings with others) still necessary?

I don’t know the answer.

There are those who say it is enough– though it’s usually emphasized that our responsibility varies depending on what “season” of parenting you’re in.

The idea my “season” in life excuses me, bothers me. Because it implies I’m buried (and therefore excused) now, and will have more time later; that my mode of doing will change as my children are less “demanding.” But the reality is that all three are mostly past that stage (of perpetually time-sucking).

They all play independently (otherwise, how could I clean house, or write?), and are very good for their age at waiting and deferring gratification. Sometimes I think they are advanced for their age, and other times I just enjoy it.

Because of their level(s) of independence, I feel am already at that time to question where is my balance between service and selfishness. (Though I suppose there is room somewhere for self in between those…) The question goes like this: Since I really don’t feel (perpetually) stretched by them now, does that mean I’m doing less now than I could (should)?

(Part 2 of 4)

A unique look at some mutt-mixes

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From Mutts: America’s Dogs that I mentioned earlier:

  • The Chesapeake Bay Retriever mix: A lab in a Leather Jacket
  • The Golden retriever-setter mix: If it’s Irish or Gordon setter, beware a beauty over brains blend
  • Lab-Australian Sheppard mix: “A young lab is a runaway boxcar and an Aussie outfits the chassis with Boeing engines. This dog has to have something to do…Something. Anything. Repeat often until tired. (Warning: you will tire far sooner than the dog.)”
  • Irish Setter mix: the gorgeous airhead of the dog world.
  • Greyhound-Lab mix: A beautiful creature mentally, physically, and spiritually, unless you’re a squirrel. Continue reading »

How do you *think* when you’re tired?

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You know how, when people are explaining dreams, they say your brain never stops working?

Well, I am currently sleep-deprived (most half of it my fault), and my brain is starting to act like an Australian Shepard/Border collie mix tied to a kennel with a four-foot chain (if you’d read as many breed reviews as I have in the last week you’d have a deeper appreciation for the analogy).

Today was library day with my mom. She comes over every Thursday morning to do stuff with the kids. I wanted to pick up The Overload Syndrome, that I started reading months ago (even quoted it in an early blog post). They couldn’t find it, so I picked up a few dog books instead.

Ended up zoning my way through most of Mutts: America’s Dogs this afternoon, which is a surprisingly well-written exploration of how dog breeds present when combined without human direction.

I plan to do a whole post of excerpts, in a day or so (if I think of it and simultaneously have time), just because the analogies were so fun (only example I can think of off the top of my head: Golden retriever + Collie= Valley Girl marries Forest Gump, good natured, all-around good citizen, intelligence hit-or-miss; something like that).

I can’t remember ever laughing so hard reading a dog book.

My 3-year-old kept asking what was so funny, and how do do you explain (even to a somewhat precocious almost-4-year-old) how original these metaphors are. She’d look at the b&w pix illustrating the book and try to act like she understood why they were that funny. A little sad really. Children want so much to be like their parents…. Continue reading »

“Held”

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I’m pretty sure this song is well known (for such an un-descriptive title I was interested to find it was the #1 in relevance at iTunes), but, for the sake of this “discussion,” here are the lyrics.

In itself the song makes very little sense. It’s been called a “tearjerker” by at least one reviewer, and, while it’s never made me cry, I can understand how it got the label.

Having just lost my grandmother, I am learning that all those movies that never affected me before might have lacked potency because I had no resonating event.  It is taking less and less to trigger a resonance now.

The lyrics begin as if they are going to tell a story, introducing a tragic event, and some thoughts about the situation. But rather than offer a resolution you hear the chorus:

This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

This is what? That question is not answered anywhere in the song. It is very dream-like and full of images, but no answers.

I’ve decided I like the song (it intrigued me before, since I only heard it on the radio, and kept wondering if I’d missed some key line, hearing no resolution). And I think it is the sorrowing people who are the “answer” to the This is.

I am exhibit A.

This is what it means …
How it feels… This is what it is to be loved
And to know…

My analyzer-side really likes that chorus. I’ve sat, quietly and alone (during nap-time) and listened to those words, feeling what I’m feeling and musing, So this is how it feels, hmm?.

…The promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

It’s simple, nothing new or earth-shattering, but still, it resonates.

And that works for me right now.

Better than I thought

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I added it up today, and I guess I do read an hour (or more) to my kids most days. One more thing from my wish-list. Pretty cool.

And (small hallelujah) Jay’s agreed I can start looking for a dog in the spring. Specifically on my birthday. That will give us more time for deciding just what we’re looking for, and praying to find just the right one. And for Elisha to get bigger.

And if I can find an EOW (every-other-week) babysitter for Monday mornings I’ll be able to take a piano class at the U. (One woman has already agreed to do EOW, so I just have to find an alternate.) I figure the pressure of weekly lessons will be good for encouraging more consistent progress; I’ve been treading water.

I was debating between this and voice lessons for a while there, then found I have to be somewhat proficient in piano as a prereq. for voice (I have to be able to teach and drill myself on my own). So that solved that dilemma in a hurry.

Baby Steps

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When you (or, at least I) take a good hard look at yourself and your “spiritual life” (for lack of a better term) you will inevitably find somewhere you fall short.

The catch-22 of course is that if you don’t (have this disappointing epiphany), there’s another type of trouble brewing, and I hope you don’t find out too painfully.

I won’t bother making a list of my shortcomings here (NOYB, and having more people know them won’t help me anyway), but I do want to set up an “Ebenezer” for what I am beginning as a result.

Jay and I have started the Navigator’s Topical Memory System. It’s given me more focus for what I teach the girls, and it gives Jay and me some structure (a plan) for our own memorizing.

It was a “random” find during an alone outing at the Christian book store. Once I saw it (a little package with the plan and a fat book of perforated cards) the appropriateness of the project really grew on me.

Jay and I have been talking about our respective shortcomings and what we should do about them (only our own– we’re not picking at each other). We knew what we aught to do, of course; the trouble, as it always is, was doing it.

Or, rather, doing it ALL. It’s very easy to say: I need to pray more, read the bible more, wait quietly (HA!) on God more, etc. The difficulty is the same as that of trying to start every self-improvement project on January first:

This year I will eat five fruits and veggies daily, make one new dish a week, exercise aerobically for 45-min at least 3 days a week, pick up and put away everything I’m using before I move on to the next project, wash the evening’s dishes before sitting down to relax after dinner, read to the children at least an hour a day, implement Flylady/SHE/organizing strategy of choice. Oh, and brush the dog/cat/squirrel at least once a week to cut back on the amount of hair culled in my daily vacuuming sessions.

Believe me, if I could do all that, I would be sooo happy…

But I can’t, so I work on having dinner ready when Jay get’s home, and making my house a no-yell zone.

Those two things go a long way toward making home a peaceful place.

And starting with scripture memory is a natural and appropriate step toward more consistent and scriptural living. One problem with growing up knowing “everything” you’re supposed to be doing, but not necessarily how to do it all, is that you know how far you have to go, rather than celebrating how far you’ve come.

I have cleared my kitchen counter for nearly a week now. I feel so together.

I have reminded myself that the old has gone the new has come, more times now than I remember. It is an encouraging thought promise.

So now what am I?

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“When a child loses his parent, they [sic] are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they [sic] are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.”

–President Ronald Regan

 

Words are powerful. Having a word describe where you are gives you something of a handle. A connection to your culture (if you will) acknowledging you exist by identifying you. Allowing you to identify yourself and identify with others of the same name. The same category.

When there is not a word, when “there are no words,” someone like me is left fumbling in the darkness. Looking for a foothold, trying to figure out where I (should) stand.

I have had three grandparents die now. (Technically that leaves one parent an orphan now; or is that word only used for children? I’ve always wondered.) Each time my emotion/response and sense of loss was very different. I’ve sometimes wished for an identifying word I could use for myself. I wish for a way to say, “This one was particularly devastating/impacting/significant.”

I haven’t found it yet.

“Good” is the enemy of “Best”

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I’ve almost made up my mind not to try out for this season’s FLOT production. I’ve been praying about whether it is appropriate to do this (Sound of Music. Something I know, even!), and keep flopping back and forth.

And then I found this quote; kind-of felt confirmed my reluctance: “We [must] say ‘no’ not only to those things which are wrong and sinful, but to things that are pleasant, profitable, and good which would hinder and clog our grand duties and our chief work.”

It is footnoted, but then the footnote says “Source Unknown,” which I found amusing.

My “grand duties and chief work” right now do not (I believe) include singing for the community at large. I have a much smaller selected audience.

…And maybe if I don’t go, some other young woman will have an opportunity that will mean more to her than it will for me… I like that idea. I’ll pray for her.