More Doesn’t Keep Being More

Image courtesy of Claudio Jule via stock.xchng

In contrast to the popular saying,

Money can’t buy happiness

there is this study that shows a fairly tight correlation between money and a lot of good things. (Here’s another eye-opening view, if you go in prepared for anger and crass language.)

I liked reading about this study when it came out, because I’d always thought along the lines that money has got to simplify a LOT of things and how most of the “simple freebies” that are cozy and fuzzy-edged in any story aren’t so accessible.

I mean, I do those things, and they’re not necessarily cheap and accessible.

  • Musical instruments you actually *want* to play are a pretty penny.
  • Pets/animals take work and money.
  • Craft supplies that are enjoyable to use usually can’t be found at the thrift store
  • Even simple “hanging out” with friends involves cost to someone– either in transportation, food, or entertainment.

Free is really less common than storytelling will admit.

It is this common sense awareness of increased money = improved life that gets us into trouble.

When we see, Oh, more money is better life, we don’t see that topping out– until it does.

This is why you don’t see movies about poor people realizing their two jobs plus night school are eating away at their family life and just. not. worth it.

It’s the rich executive or the workaholic mom who have to choose family over acquiring even-greater wealth.

~ ~ ~

All that to say that we educated types have the same relationship with information.

Continue reading »

What you CAN do

This is what I wrote on the side of our fridge Saturday afternoon:

Focus on what you CAN do,
Rather than what you don’t know.

It came out of an interaction with Elisha that morning, where he *PANICKING!* was running out of time to finish emptying the dishwasher.

“Where does this go?” he’d gasp, running from the kitchen. “What about this?”

And I kept telling him, with increasing irritation, “There’s a whole dishwasher of things you do know what to do with. Save what you don’t know for later.”

It was weird because I always put away the esoteric stuff anyway, like canning funnels or flour sifters.

But it was that fridge line that became the mantra, to the point that I wrote it where we’ll all see it 16-times each day.

It’s a funny (odd) line to think on, as there’s not the parallelism you’d expect.

Image courtesy of Sue Byford via stock.xchng

But is wasn’t until the kids were down for the night, and I was alone in the house (Jay was gone for the weekend, catching salmon to stock our freezer.) that I saw that morning conversation as foreshadowing.

Have you ever seen foreshadowing in your own life? I’d love to hear about it.

Alone with my thoughts is not always a safe place to be, because (like my darling children) I have the ability to escalate.

And as a fairly intelligent adult, my escalations have the terrifying ability to be plausible.

Over the last two years (maybe I’ll tell that story someday) I’ve discovered the tar pit of anxiety, along with depression. It’s a tricky place for me, because my understanding of intellectual honesty is that you don’t pull back from an idea just because it gets uncomfortable.

So I’ve assumed for years that being uncomfortable is part of the process of being honest.

I ran into trouble when there were so many variables that a specific, concrete truth was not knowable.

That’s something I saw Saturday night.

A new data point entered my world, with a kaleidoscope of refracting possibilities. I could actually feel the tension in my chest preparing for take-off. Then I walked by

Focus on what you CAN do,
Rather than what you don’t know.

For the tiniest instant it felt like lying to myself. It felt like sticking my head in the sand.

But no “truth-telling” or looking closer at the problem would have resolved it. Continue reading »

Storytelling Resources for Kids

Today I’m participating in the Ultimate Blog Swap. You’ll find me posting over at Oak Bay Drive about Living my Dream.

Dream-life is not what I expected, but then, I didn’t know what to expect.

At the same time, I’m pleased to welcome focused mama-of-three, Erin, from Royal Baloo to Untangling Tales. I’m excited about her visit because Erin is one of those moms who thinks about specific means to reach her parenting and teaching goals. She’s sharing some of those ideas today, specifically related to my heart-mission of storytelling.

Reading aloud to our children is a very important task – something we are told over and over again!  But did you know that storytelling is also a very important skill to learn?  It teaches kids to be creative and spontaneous.  Stories made up on-the-fly can teach kids about the world around them.  And it’s so much fun!

I have 3 boys (5, 3, and 1) and I’ve found that they love being told stories, but they don’t enjoy the process of making up stories nearly as much.  So I try to tell them stories often.  I tell them about my childhood, my dreams, stories from history that I can remember, and their personal favorite, very silly and completely made-up stories.

However, I really want them to participate in the creative part!  I’ve started trying out a few new methods to encourage them.

1.  Story Dice.
I’ve found a nice set on Amazon, but there are plenty of free printable options as well.  Roll the dice and turn the pictures into a story!  I find these kinds of activities particularly fun because I can’t rely on my standard set of characters or locations.  Many of my stories start off with “Once upon a time a little boy ran into the forest” but with the story cubes I am forced to be a bit more creative.

2. Story starters.
Who doesn’t love a good story starter to help them out of a slump, or just any old time?  I always liked the idea of having a story idea worked out and just filling in all the details.

3.  Create new endings to your favorite stories.
I think the is the most fun because it’s kind of like breaking the rules.  Try to get your kids to think of a different ending for one of their favorite books.  What if the main character didn’t apologize, or what if they didn’t get caught?

4.  Silly sentences.
Being as young as they are, my boys love silly things.  Elephants with mice on their heads and people who walk upside down are just hilarious!  So I love to indulge them with silly sentences.  Sometimes we fill in mad-libs, sometimes they shout out words, and sometimes we just deliberately make silly sentences.  Either way, a silly sentence can turn into quite a fun (and silly) made-up story!

Erin is a stay-at-home, homeschooling mother to her three crazy and energetic sons.  In her spare time she loves to create and be crafty, whether it be sewing, knitting, or photography.  She shares her homeschooling adventures and ideas at Royal Baloo.

Visit Life Your Way to see all of the Ultimate Blog Swap participants!

I Am a Writer

You know, in case you haven’t noticed.

 

Image courtesy of maladie via stock.xchng

Jeff Goins published a book about this recently. Got me thinking about how titles and assertions can affect how we see ourselves, and, therefore, how we behave.

It’s odd how I’m so on again/off again with being willing to say out loud I am a writer, to make that descriptor a part of describing me. Like many things in my life, I find it easier to explain with a story.

You know those characters in musicals who can never say what they mean but can somehow find just the right song?

Well, I can think I say exactly what I mean, but it seems like some people don’t *get it* until it’s connected to a story.  And maybe that’s why I love Story so much.

One of my four most influential novels ends with this wonderful exchange that encapsulates my feeling toward writing. {I suppose this is where I say SPOILER WARNING for those of you who haven’t read The Perilous Gard. And tell you that you should read it.}

It begins with Christopher trying to convince Kate that he wants to marry her.

“Perhaps that wasn’t the most fortunate way of saying it. But I can’t think of the right words.”

“There aren’t any right words. You don’t even love me. You know you don’t. They asked you on All Hallow’s Eve if there was a woman you loved, and you said there wasn’t.”

I’ve never thought of it like that,” said Christopher. “How could I? If you were any other woman, I could tell you I loved you, easily enough, but not you — because you’ve always seemed to me like a part of myself, and it would be like saying I loved my own eyes or my own mind. But have you ever thought of what it would be to have to live without your mind or your eyes, Kate? To be mad? Or Blind?” His voice shook. “I can’t talk about it. That’s the way I feel.”

When it comes down to the question, yes, I’m a writer, yes, I love to write. But it’s like saying I love my blue eyes, or the way I think.

It’s part of who I am, and after that point there doesn’t seem to be a lot more to say.

We’re left with living.

Getting Personally Practical

Sometimes I think the reason I continually return to the idea of Storytelling is because I am looking for ways to  tie my story-compulsive brain back to my real life as the dedicated mother of three brilliant, sensitive children who need me to be connected to them.

So, with this in mind, yesterday I engaged my imagination as if my real life were a novel.

That is, I threw back to my earliest memories (sorry-in-advance to the loving adults in my world; this is not a reflection on you) and looked for concrete things that made me feel less, to feel insecure.

This was genuinely not a pity party. I was looking for specific ways I might be missing to affirm and encourage my kids. I think it could be a useful tool for any parent, I just applied it first in my writing, because that’s where it came naturally.

We had just had a tragedy that resulted in Melody *certain* she needed a band-aid, and as I did not share her certainty, I delayed my verdict to finish my task.

As I wrapped up, I had this memory of feeling completely useless.  Unnecessary.

All my life– including now– I have been surrounded by amazingly competent people.  And all my life– including now– I’ve had a painfully accurate awareness of how small my contribution is in ratio to the needs around me.

*Unnecessary* is a terrible thing for any child to feel.

I was on to the next project before I remembered I’d gone soft and decided to get a band-aid.  So, stopping when Melody walked by (and secretly hoping she’d noticed the interruption so I’d get Attentiveness points) I invited her back to the First-Aid basket where we bandaged her wound.

Continue reading »

What is Untangling Tales?

Story as art;
artistry as worship.
Worship, a way of living.

Untangling Tales is meant to be a reference and resource from damp to deep for those who desire to develop skill in the art of Storytelling.

Every Tuesday and Friday I’ll post an article, how-to, folktale or story performance aimed to teach or provoke thought on some aspect of Story performance.

An aside to my faithful readers (and the random visitor who pops back in for kicks):

I’ve been praying about how to focus my ever-expanding (it seems) world, and this is one of the results.

If you have questions or comments I welcome feedback as always. Feel free to leave a comment or drop a line: snow(dot)ffairy (at) gmail (dot) com.

~ ~ ~

For years now I have been benefiting from the generous writers who blog about real, useable stuff, sharing everything from courageous hearts and open kitchens.

So now it’s my turn. I’ve felt pulled to action for months, but unsure how to apply.  Recently a few questions were set on my plate:

What can I do that “most people” don’t?
Where have I been spontaneously complemented or thanked?
What ToDos leave me with more enthusiasm than when I started?
What makes me feel alive and connected to God as if it was created just for me?

(How many of these questions make me cringe and feel as though I’m not allowed to look directly at them?
All of them.)

My answers: writing, language, ideas and Story.

Frequently in the indirect (some people call it sneaky) application of Truth.

Truth used to travel from home to home, begging to be let in. But Truth was fearful to look upon in her nakedness, and no one would allow her to come near.

Truth dressed in a beautiful robe called Story, and all doors opened wide to welcome her in.

So this probably counts as a “relaunch” of Untangling Tales, more story-focused than before, and more others-focused too, my goal.

There’s More Than One Kind of Writers’ Block

I don’t know why I never thought of it before, but it’s true.

For the longest time I enjoyed a smugly self-satisfied sense that (due to my limited writing time or imagination or some wonderful gift) I almost never suffered from writers’ block.

I made this determination based on the fact that I was never at a loss for words.

Because I assumed that writers’ block was like artists’ block: the literary equivalent of staring at a blank canvas and not knowing where or how to start.

Hint: for writing– especially with a computer– you just start. Put words down.  Make a muddle.  Build of your chunk of marble so that you have something solid from which to carve out your masterpiece.

But I was wrong.  Because I have struggled with finishing. With delivering.

I like to say (just because it sounds cool) that my Super Power is instant extrapolation. But what that really means (as I hinted in the last post) is that I react to things before I need to.  I anticipate, flinch, before the burn.  I call that way of life exhausting! because it is, but didn’t really see an alternative and got a bit fixated on the exhausting! (Because it really made me feel like I was working hard.  That’s what makes you tired, right?)

Well, here’s one alternative to consider.  It’s in a free ebook called The Flinch, and can be summarized like this:

  • Name this gut-reaction that is not very (if at all) useful. They call it The Flinch.
  • Recognize that the purpose it serves (keeping you safe), done too well, can hold you back from anything meaningful. Can keep you from taking good risks that will grow you.
  • Overcome the fear of The Flinch by reminding yourself failure isn’t permanent, and pain doesn’t last forever.
  • Use the momentum, the speed and impulse of The Flinch to react forward rather than cringe away.

Anyway, it was a short read, and brought up some good thoughts.

Best question it raised for me:

“Have you ever asked yourself why your stomach tenses up and your can’t watch imaginary characters on a television screen to awkward, embarrassing things? You should.”

Continue reading »

Creativity and Depression

Have I ever mentioned here (on Untangling Tales) that I wrestle with depression?  Usually seasonal, and usually manageable, but there are times and varieties that just eat my mind and (as a result) basically freak me out.

Well, this post is a chewing on that variety.

Last summer I went back to Weight Watchers for a while, to see if their new system was a good match for me. The first group I visited was a  convenient time for me, but I was “twilight zone” weirded-out by the emphasis of the majority on consuming.

That is, they never talked about recipes they were discovering and trying out with their own twist (what I was used to from my old group) so much as they talked about the right websites and recipe designers.

Now, this is a subtle distinction, so it took me a while to decide what felt so off.  These were women who were not (as a group) creative people.  They didn’t experiment on their own (at least from their talk). They were good at sussing out the “perfect” recipes and following them exactly for perfect results.

Objectively I see nothing wrong with this, but it is (to use an Alaskan analogy) like warm darkI know it exists, and is even normal to some people, but it is so far from my life-history I can’t be all that relaxed in that environment.

Shifting groups actually helped me stick it out longer in WW.  My later group was (as a whole, at least in what they shared) much more creative.

~ ~ ~

I have found a fairly tight correlation between creativity and managing depression. That could be why a non-creative group felt dangerous.  Depression feels like zombie-mode to me, so being surrounded by folks who didn’t need it… Well yeah, was just creepy.

Continue reading »

Teaching Writing to Children

So I’ve had two moms in the last month ask me (as a homeschooling mom and a writer), how is it I teach my children to write.

I’ll get back to you on that in 15 years or so.  When I actually know how it is they learned.

In the meantime, I’ll share the philosophy and materials I work from.

Now, I am fairly fluent in writing.  But I never liked to write as a kid. (I hope that encourages anyone who is in despair over her child’s abhorrence.) My understanding of teaching writing was first influenced by Donald Davis’s book, Writing as a Second Language

I never finished it, but the title and what I did read set my mind in a direction it had never been before: to see writing as a completely different animal than speaking or reading. Which I believe it is.

This sense of something different was solidified and put into a usable/applicable for when I read the introduction to Susan Bauer’s Writing With Ease.  In that book she points out that when we teach writing we are expecting the student to learn, not one but, four separate skills.

  1. Generating ideas. Content that will be conveyed.
  2. Translating those ideas into words
  3. Holding those words in mind while they are transferred to print
  4. The physical act of writing them down.

When you have a child resistant to “writing,” a good first step is looking for where in this chain the process is breaking down.

The first book (Writing as a Second Language) encourages “rehearsing” stories in one’s “first” language (speech) before ever taking them to the paper.  In Classical learning this is referred to as narration.  In its simplest (and most accessible) form, narration is simply answering questions in complete sentences.

The words children create in response to questions (for example, about something they just heard read aloud) may not seem particularly original, but certainly at the beginning originality is not the teacher’s goal.  You are working specifically on the second part of the process: creating words that make sense.

This is why the “complete sentences” part is important.  The child is learning sentence structure by example.

Where did God place the man he created?

In the garden.

Can you say that in a complete sentence?  You can use the same words I did.

God placed the man he created in the garden.

In fact, by getting in the habit of using the words he hears to re-frame the answer, the student is practicing #3 along with #2.

With my girls I use the workbooks Bauer developed to accompany the text I read at first.

The workbooks are not essential, but they replace the planning that I would otherwise have to do myself, and so I find them *absolutely* worth the $20-30 they set me back. (Not forgetting that I can use them for each of my kids if I continue in this method.  Copyright permission clears each book for an entire (single) family’s use.)

The other resource I’ve found useful is the English worktext put out by the same publisher we buy our math curriculum from– BJU Press.  Natasha isn’t using it this year, but did last year, and I was impressed with how systematically it worked through the basics in her 2nd-grade text.

She wrote her first personal essay last year, following the step-by-step instructions as guided by the curriculum.  She couldn’t hardly get through a sentence without a giggly-happy squeal of “I’m writing!” Because it’s a big deal to her to be like Mama.

And there’s the motivating bit about enjoying writing, or words, or Story, yourself.

Kids learn what’s “normal” through observation.  If they regularly see you writing (or reading, or singing or dancing) and enjoying it, finding value in it, that will increase its value in their eyes.

My children may not see it (writing) as important as I do, but between reading and writing, I have what I want most for my kids at this stage in their learning: they are not afraid of language.

Yes, Natasha learned to read without really trying, but, as we guessed in that blog post, the “different minds working differently” means we weren’t surprised when our other two were (are) different in their learning to read.

The wonderful thing is that the younger two– for whom reading is a harder slog– are enough in love with Story that they are not driven away from all print by their hard road.  I’ve known kids (it made me sad) who had no interest in stories because they were too much of a reminder of their struggle.

Elisha and Melody are both so wired for story they’ve got steps #1 & #2 just *nailed.*  Even #3 isn’t that far away.  So, as a rule, I encourage storytelling, and have them practice their letters, either with tracers or copywork.  They get to advance (grow in strength) in all the steps, even if they aren’t doing them all self directed yet.

We have plenty of time.  And especially with their prolific storytelling and spontaneous narration, I expect a time will come when they’ll want to record their visions to hang on to.

At least, that’s what happened to me.

Reading, Rabbits and Arhythmofwriting?

Eh. I’m just trying to decide if I can do “3 Rs” here at Untangling Tales without boring my delightful lurkers.

So here’s your chance to tell me.  I’m always shocked at the number of hits my stat-counter tells me I’m getting, and while some of it is Google sending people to my archives, I’m curious what makes the rest of you come back.

This is the place where I feel like I’m talking to myself in an empty room.

I am having a great deal of fun with my rabbits.  I’m thinking of starting a category for pictures and projects.  (For example, we have Before:

and After:

Both pictures and a project. Whee. About an hour it took me to shear him; I hope that gets shorter as I get more practice.)

And really, the only connection to what I already do here is the atavism I mentioned yesterday.  The idea that animals and fiber arts are a part of life as much as reading and writing (storytelling).

But then, perhaps that’s just my life.

But you’re welcome to peek in and enjoy.

So there’s the question: Are you interested?