Author Archives: Amy Jane

Connecting and purposeful parenting

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(Originally posted at Xanga.)I have these one-on-one consults I do for teaching FAM, and it is interesting to me how talking about something so personal seems to allow someone to completely open up about other parts of their lives.

I suppose I’m a fairly open person myself, so I didn’t think much about the freeness of others speaking to me until a few weeks ago when I told Jay my client and I had gotten off-topic quite a bit and spent time on parenting ideas.

“You really seem to connect with these ladies that come over,” he observed. And he’s right. I don’t know if it’s me, or the type of woman who comes (maybe a combination of the two), but, while we meet the goals of our time together, we never stay completely on-task.

One who came today commented as she was leaving how “inspiring” I was in the way I interacted with my girls. “That is so neat to see! I so want to be like that. I’m learning to be like that…” I thanked her for her kind words and said having the girls in a cooperative mood made maintaining that image a lot easier than it would be otherwise.

But it was encouraging to hear. Every now-and-then I get a really strong impression that I’m doing something right.

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Yesterday at MOPS, I got into this conversation about being purposeful in our choices as parents.

It started out being about looking for ideas to purposefully instill a godly foundation in our children. It surprised us how many people (even other moms in our group, from their comments) just “coast” along, without any plan. I can’t say I have any formal plan myself, but I have begun layering things into everyday routines, like the prayers at meal-times, and hymns and bible verses at bed-time, mixed-in with the lullabies and rhymes. I see these things laying a foundation; a vocabulary, if you will, that I pray I’ll have opportunity to draw on later.

The conversation moved into the importance of purposefulness in other areas of parenting: consciously observing your children to understand motivation, planning nap and bed-times so the child gets the sleep he or she needs, knowing your own child well enough to know what punishment is most effective in what circumstances.

We talked about the negative results of letting any of these things “just happen,” that it usually resulted in a need or opportunity being missed, or being less effective as a parent.

Conversations like these are very good for me, because they start me processing ideas and applications, and often bear good fruit. This time, it was encouragement “in due season,” giving me ideas as well as making me thankful for what’s going right so far.

“Truth Statements”

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One of my LJ (Literary Journalism) teachers pointed out that authors are always declaring and defining reality. The do this whenever they assert something, or build on an assumption they’ve presented as fact.  She called these assertions “Truth Statements,” and we took time in class to write and share our own.
Well here are a few of mine. Most of them have to do with babies, because mine is on my mind right now. Continue reading »

More of the same, but different.

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Currently Reading
You Can Write a Novel (You Can Write)
By James V. Smith
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I’m still waiting, still reading, and still writing, but it’s all different too.

I have my laptop now (though nothing else of my many orders has yet arrived), and it’s already proving to be a wonderful resource/tool. I’ve been able to use it while “hanging-out” with the girls, during those times when they want me around (or I want to be there, to maintain the peace) but aren’t looking for direct interaction/play.

A good example of this is movies. I’ll usually let the girls watch one cartoon in a day, and they usually want me there with them while they do it. Since Thursday morning I’ve become very proficient at typing one-handed while I hold a snuggly bundle in my lap.

My reading is all over the place. One entertaining book is that “currently reading” selection above. It’s interesting b/c it’s different from nearly every other writing book I’ve read. The author starts out with the assumption you’re interested in writing b/c you want to be published, then lays down these formulae about what stuff a publisher will accept from an un-proven (1st-novel) author. He’s realistic-ish too, not too hard-line, and contradicts the other book I’m reading simultaneously (I’ll list it next time I blog, I suppose) which provides a fun contrast of views.

It’s just fun, b/c it’s so straight-forward (almost-but-not-quite a formula), and makes good sense.

For writing, I’m playing again (you’ll guess) with my novel. It’s been interesting applying a different framework (from this book) than I’ve used before. It’s almost like being back in a class, b/c I’m all motivated and focused again.

Well, as focused as one can be w/ the responsibilities of house and children hanging over me. I was up till (way-too-late) last night, just b/c my mind was so full, and I wanted to catch as much as I could.

I’ll be back at ToastMasters again tonight (took last week off) and that’ll be interesting. I’m going to have to reign-in my mind again and refocus it…

Maybe later…
Naptime’s just started, and in opposition to all good sense, I’m off to work on my story some more.

Waiting

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It’s interesting hearing about how devoted our generation/culture is to “instant gratification.”

I can’t deny it, but today I’m recognizing a type of… affinity with previous generations: With the type that hovered over the Sears catalogue, looking for that perfect something, then waiting impatiently for the mail to bring the desired item.

I don’t know why it should feel like Christmas– after all, I paid for it myself, and I know it’s coming– but somehow checking the mail each day brings a tiny thrill of hope. Will there be something *extra* today?

This wondering (though not the anticipation) is slightly diminished with the packages that have tracking numbers, but many of the books I buy come media mail, and truly could come anytime in a 3-week span. The tracking numbers are great though– I’ve only got two more days until my computer shows up. This according to Fed Ex, and ahead of schedule.

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I ordered several things today, and maybe buying “so much” has got my blood up. I feel myself wanting to go out an buy something “for real.” Something I can hold (not groceries, that’s boring). I keep thinking of the collection of journals (blank books) I saw at B&N last week. There were some nice ones there…

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I had this feeling a lot when Jay was in Antarctica last November. I kept warning him that I was going to go out and buy something totally unnecessary, just ’cause I was dying to buy something. And the bigger the better

“I need socks,” he’d e-mail back. “Why don’t you get me some socks? Or groceries. You’re probably getting low on something…” This, I informed him, is not the type of shopping/buying I’m talking about. I wanted to buy… yet another journal, the perfect pen, some book I’ve been meaning to read, or a reference volume for my storytelling or FAM work. Something useless and fun.

Socks are neither.

Never got anything big, though. Closest I got was a couple tubes of bath salts.

Don’t remember if I even got to finish them both before Jay came home. Something about running water seems to draw my children from sleep…

I eventually gave-up.

Oh, I did buy a new palm pilot (PDA), but returned it before the trial week was up. Can’t remember now if that got the bug out of my system…

Answers to prayer, and a curious difference.

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Jay found my Palm (PDA) yesterday. Thank you Jesus! It’s been missing for several weeks. I had assumed it was only buried somewhere, but we’ve cleaned the house a few times since it was lost and never found it. It was in the car. *sigh*

My “currently reading” is the other answer to prayer. I’ve been needing a new book/topic for H.S. Sunday School, and this (Fearfully and Wonderfully Made by Brand and Yancy) looks like it’s going to be our choice. I’ll be reading ahead to pick and choose, but I’m enjoying it for me too. I might say more about it later.

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Jay and I learned a new difference between us we hadn’t noticed before:

  • I’m ready for action when I plan the details– since I do most of my thinking and weighing of options (pro and con comparisons) before I get to absolute details.
  • Jay begins to do his thinking and weighing after he has the details in front of him.

The reason we noticed this is that we spec.ed-out a laptop together last Wednesday. We spent more than an hour looking and discussing specifics, and ended up with a machine we both liked (though part of the point of this is to have a machine of my own…). I felt excited, and asked (I thought rhetorically), whether he was ready to get it.

To my surprise he said no. And that’s when we had our little revelation.

By now I think we’re both planning to do it, we’re just waiting on the timing.

From Anderson’s “The Nightengale”

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I had to type this segment up for another project, and even though it is an incomplete story, it is still neat/thought-provoking, and maybe will remind you of the real-thing.This is an excerpt from Has Christian Anderson’s “The Nightingale” and begins in the emperor’s palace, just before the emperor hears that bird sing for the first time.

Everyone was dressed in their finest clothes and they were all looking at the little gray bird, toward which the emperor nodded very kindly.

The nightingale’s song was so sweet that tears came into the emperor’s eyes; and when they ran down his cheeks, the little nightingale sang even more beautifully than it had before. His song spoke to one’s heart, and the emperor was so pleased that he ordered his golden slipper the be hung around the little bird’s neck. There was no higher honor. But the nightingale thanked him and said that he had been honored enough already.

“I have seen tears in the eyes of an emperor, and that is a great enough treasure for me. There is a strange power in an emperor’s tears and God knows that is reward enough.” Continue reading »

Expectations

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(Originally posted on Xanga)

My husband is amazing. He has always had the type of maturity (I seem to lack) that sees something needing to be done, and does it. But especially lately, as I’ve been getting more and more run-down by this third pregnancy, he’s been stepping up to the plate and batting for both of us.I am so thankful for him. And proud of him too.

My mom thinks pretty highly of him also, and he recently told me about an e-mail she sent him listing all these great qualities she saw in him. He was having a crummy day, and when he read it he felt hugely ambivalent.

Naturally it’s encouraging to have your positive traits noticed and commended (I would think this is especially true if it’s your mother-in-law doing the noticing), but the big “drainer” (to him) was that he suddenly felt he had this standard he had to measure up to. (He seems to frequently react this way if he is complemented while down.) Naturally this is a tough place for me to fall into, b/c it sets me in the spot of trying to build him up without digging him deeper. Touchy job.

But fortunately I had been thinking about a similar situation earlier that day. Or maybe you could call it an idea that relates. If only in my own mind: I’m a good mom. I’m good at what I do.

There. I said it.

Have you ever looked at the over-all picture of your work and said that? I think there’s a lot more people who could than do.

Recently I switched from my OB/GYN doctor back to the midwife/birth clinic where both my girls were born (another story).

The midwife meeting with me asked why we were having this third. Laughing, because I didn’t have a concrete answer for her (“noyb”), I said, “I’m such a good mom I knew I needed another one.”

I immediately felt the blush from my neck to my forehead, but she didn’t seem to notice. “Well of course you are!” she replied sincerely. And I instantly remembered two other people who used the phrase to describe me (and, I think, to encourage me), when I told them I was pregnant with my third.

Now I have to be the first to say I’m not perfect (otherwise someone else will doubtless point that out), but who ever said that good has to be perfect?

This was the concept I shared with my husband that night. No one (least of all my mother) is holding the illusion that he is perfect. There is not going to be some sudden crash of scenery that reveals him as *gasp* human to an unsuspecting public.

And there won’t be for me either…

The right place…

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Currently Reading
The Mommy Manual: Planting Roots That Give Your Children Wings
By Barbara Curtis
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I just finished my first full day of “A Woman’s Affair,” a trade-show showcasing anything interested parties (sellers) think a woman might buy.

I went this morning to sit behind a table as Gordian Knot Productions, and offer books and my workshop. I was feeling self-conscious again about being pregnant and “preaching” on this, so on my further explanation that I taped under my name-sign I put “Natural Pregnancy Achievement and Avoidance.” Putting the “achievement” part first, so I didn’t feel so weird.

I’ll be changing that for tomorrow. Back to the normal line on my business card: “Natural birth control and pregnancy achievement.” Not all that different, I know, but I noticed a number of people seemed to stop reading after the second word– or at least their comments indicated that. (”Don’t need another one of those!”)

Since I’ve always had more people interested in avoiding than achieving, I guess should just keep giving that side priority anyway…

Sold 2 books, signed-up two woman for the June workshop and told two military wives that if they could get five-friends together I’d set-up a special session for them (at 20%-off too) so they could have a bit more practice/experience by the time hubbies came back for R&R in July.

I’ve felt for a while that this deployment time is the perfect time for wives to learn FAM, and I’m very curious if the one lady will pull it off. Getting people together, I mean. She seemed pretty motivated.

Ordinarily (in theory at least) I’d only give the discount at a regularly scheduled class, but I liked the idea of motivating the gals to do some leg-work. And I felt a little guilty about how far away the next workshop is anyway. I’m hoping good comes of it. I guess by “good” I mean “results” or “income.”

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Being at the show has been interesting. Most people walk right by. Some smile, if I catch tem looking at me, and three have enthusiastically bubbled their version of “You’re exacting what I’m looking for! Are you in-town?”

If I get one more sign-up for June (and they all follow-through, and actually pay and come), I’ll make back my table cost. I am hoping, too, that ‘the word’ will somehow be “out” more, about my work and me too.