(Originally posted on Xanga)
My mom thinks pretty highly of him also, and he recently told me about an e-mail she sent him listing all these great qualities she saw in him. He was having a crummy day, and when he read it he felt hugely ambivalent.
Naturally it’s encouraging to have your positive traits noticed and commended (I would think this is especially true if it’s your mother-in-law doing the noticing), but the big “drainer” (to him) was that he suddenly felt he had this standard he had to measure up to. (He seems to frequently react this way if he is complemented while down.) Naturally this is a tough place for me to fall into, b/c it sets me in the spot of trying to build him up without digging him deeper. Touchy job.
But fortunately I had been thinking about a similar situation earlier that day. Or maybe you could call it an idea that relates. If only in my own mind: I’m a good mom. I’m good at what I do.
There. I said it.
Have you ever looked at the over-all picture of your work and said that? I think there’s a lot more people who could than do.
Recently I switched from my OB/GYN doctor back to the midwife/birth clinic where both my girls were born (another story).
The midwife meeting with me asked why we were having this third. Laughing, because I didn’t have a concrete answer for her (“noyb”), I said, “I’m such a good mom I knew I needed another one.”
I immediately felt the blush from my neck to my forehead, but she didn’t seem to notice. “Well of course you are!” she replied sincerely. And I instantly remembered two other people who used the phrase to describe me (and, I think, to encourage me), when I told them I was pregnant with my third.
Now I have to be the first to say I’m not perfect (otherwise someone else will doubtless point that out), but who ever said that good has to be perfect?
This was the concept I shared with my husband that night. No one (least of all my mother) is holding the illusion that he is perfect. There is not going to be some sudden crash of scenery that reveals him as *gasp* human to an unsuspecting public.
And there won’t be for me either…