Author Archives: Amy Jane

My Use for Poetry

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Poetry, the right poetry, is like a cold glass of milk– refreshing and familiar, even if you haven’t had that *exact* one yet.

~~~

Jay and I are both stressed by our current house project, and yesterday he asked me to pick up some more chocolate for him while I was grocery shopping. He’s been though quite a bit already during this project.

I got him a big bag of mini-bars.

~~~

Today, as soon as the boy was down and Jay was reading to the girls, I left the house and returned to our closing bookstore. 25%-off sometimes beats the Amazon prices, and the times it doesn’t, the instant gratification of a fresh book in-hand is worth the extra $2.

I came home with Snow for Natasha’s Birthday, Inkspell, and Poem a Day. This last was the thing I didn’t know I would buy before I went. I was just browsing, enjoying my hour to myself, and came across this title. I didn’t even look at it much before I wanted to bring it home. The experience was very like how I felt on the way home from New Mexico, 3 years ago, when I bought Good Poems in an airport’s bookstore.

When I was showing/explaining the purchases to Jay, I said, “Gift, sequel, *my* chocolate.”

That instant was the first connection I made between our coping mechanisms. “Come to think of it…” I was feeling pretty crummy in that airport too– with a tired 1-year-old, and me being pregnant, tired, and annoyed with somebody– and the book of the hour was one of poems. Continue reading »

What the opposite of speaking before you think?

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I don’t mean the admirable thinking before you speak, I mean thinking faster than you speak.

No, not in that admirable way, either.

While I still speak before I think, sometimes, my main problem of thoughts and speech being out of sync seems to manifest in thinking way faster than I speak, allowing my ideas to get ahead of the coherent transmission of those ideas.

See? I did it again. Maybe.

I’m always asking people if they followed the idea. In this way print is superior to the spoken word: I can re-read what I’ve written and determine if the thoughts followed naturally. The image I use to explain myself (and justify I’m not a red herring pitcher) is that my mind quickly links A-F internally, and I burst by the time I get to “G” because it reminds me of such an interesting story. And I tell that story.

Then feel really silly and half-obligated to race back from B-F to prove I’m not crazy or anything.  That the new conversation angle really was connected.

I consider it the mark of an ideal friendship (and an abiding comfort in my marriage) that a friend will just jump on for the ride, or, better still, know me well enough to make the leap with me.

At least with this type of fault I usually have that “witty” comeback at the right moment. Though I (like everyone else) usually think of a better one at approximately 3 a.m. the next morning.

I’m in love again!

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I let my NaNo sit all of December. I made my word count (50,000+) all right, but the exercise burnt me out a little and the whole story’s still not on paper. (For perspective, I’d like to add that most books today are 75,000-100,000, with some fantasy stretching to 200,000 words, according to people who seem to know more than me).

So here it’s January now, and my month off is over. I was just not in a hurry to open the Lindorm folder again. Don’t know why.

So I finally started by doing my favorite thing which was writing a new beginning/opener (beginnings are my favorite thing to write for some reason), and I got about three pages over the course of the (up and down) evening. Very exciting for me.

Then I went back and skimmed some of the stuff that I wrote in November. I was trying to remember how I’d pulled off the “romance” bits of the fairy tale, especially since I’ve not really been a romance reader. I laughed so hard. Probably embarrassed laughter. I could only barely imagine someone I know reading this.

Not because it was “That bad” (It was pretty good for a first draft, actually) I just loved having control over everything people said and did– and it cracked me up. Mostly the talking part. My characters probably talk way too much, but that would be because I find what they say entertaining.

And for now, at least, this experiment is for my own entertainment. It is fulfilling that function quite well.

Three pages at the beginning, allowing me to hint at what I knew what coming because I’d already written it– that was very cool. I’m loving this again.

The hard part now is to stick to filling in (and making interesting) the places I skipped during November, rather than re-reading and tweaking what I’ve already written. This story-stuff is such fun!

Personality Testing

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Do you have one? Take the test and find out!

Seriously, I remember joking in high school about “cheating” in personality tests (“Hey! don’t be copying my answers!”).

Barbara at Mommy Life observes:

I know some most of these tests that circulate on blogs are silly and pointless, but this one is definitely the real thing. It is used to help employers and employees understand how people work and relate on the job. And I think it can help us with the job we do, too.

The test is here, and a list of descriptions/explanations is here, along with other essays on your results page.

My results were very interesting, and largely accurate, but I sometimes wonder about these tests how much of this is logic and how much is fortunetelling…

Symbolism

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This was written by Frederica Mathewes-Green in her forward to The Sign of the Cross by Andreas Andreopoulos, Paraclete Press, 2007.

The discription was so tender, while being so funny, I wanted to share it.

At my Orthodox church every Sunday I see families arrive at church and go up to the iconostasis, to greet the icon of the Lord. The parents stand before his searching gaze and make the sign of the cross fluidly: the right thumb and first two fingers together to recall the Trinity, and the last two fingers together and pressed down to the palm, to recall Christ’s two natures and his descent to the earth. They touch forehead, abdomen, right shoulder, left shoulder, then sweep the right hand to the floor with a deep bow. After making two of these “metanias,” they kiss Christ’s hand, then make one more sign of the Cross and a last bow.

With practice, what sounds like a very complicated ballet becomes second nature. Behind the parents come their children, who execute the same moves but have a shorter trip to reach the floor. And then there are the toddlers. If you’re seated to the side, you can see a look of stern concentration come over the chubby face. Then there’s a blur, as a tiny fist flies from ear to elbow to knee to nose, or just makes quick wobbly circles over the tummy. If these gestures were literally analyzed as to their symbolic meanings, they might be signaling heresies not yet imagined. But all this commotion is concluded by the little one stretching up on tiptoe to kiss the hand of the all-compassionate man in the painting. That hand is giving a blessing; it is making the sign of the Cross.

These children are doing what we all do to some extent: we take part in mysteries we can only partly comprehend. We do it within the safety of our Father’s home, following in the footsteps of our elders.

I Just Figured it Out.

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I was over reading on Mommy Life, and saw where she wrote this:

I give thanks every day for blogging, as I believe it has truly empowered mothers in a way that has little to do with what we used to think was empowerment. It has taken us out of the isolation that was the biggest downside of our calling and given us a sense of community…

I love it when I figure out why I’m doing something, and don’t feel silly about the why.

Bob Mayer (in the excellent book, The Novel Writer’s Toolkit), observes that most decisions are made at an emotional level, and it is after we’ve already made up our minds that we go back and look for support for the position we’ve chosen.

His context was the accepting or rejection of manuscripts, but I feel it is more broadly applicable. (The abortion controversy is one example.)

I can readily agree that the blogging idea and practice is a very natural (and frequently effective) response to the isolated feelings sometimes experienced as a “full-time mom.” Blogs offer an outlet for our own active minds,

Plus a healthy dose of humor so we see our jobs in the best possible light… and hopefully – in the blogs you choose – a bunch of ideas for making the most of your motherhood.

I’m thankful for the outlet and the chance to see into other women’s minds. It has been very encouraging to me.

Dog quotes

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This was not researched, and I don’t know most of the people credited with the lines, but I enjoyed them.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
–Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
–Robert Benchley

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog
–Franklin P. Jones

If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise.
— Unknown

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul — chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!
— Anne Tyler

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’
— Dave Barry

And when I saw these two I thought, hmm, maybe this is it.

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
— Roger Caras

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It’s the best deal man has ever made.
— M. Acklam

The first sounds a little sacrilegious, but dogs make our lives whole the way children do: they add a richness and variety of experience the uninitiated may never understand.

And the later articulates perfectly my point of awe about dogs. At least the ones I consider good dogs. No matter where they fit your life, they’re thankful to fit. They’re happy to be along for the ride and are endlessly positive about the adventure.

I once stopped going to a Mom’s group largely because it was too negative. I am really hooked on positivity.

Why I Want a Dog

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My mom asked me tonight why I want a dog when it’s basically getting another child. That is, even more work than I have now. For a dog.

Part of it I couldn’t articulate, since she’s not a dog-person, but some I could.

As a mom, it’s part of my job to look for and encourage the unique gifts and abilities of each of my children. While I want to guide them in the truth, I don’t choose their gifts or what they do with them.

With a dog, I can pick the type I want and develop the skills that interest me. I can have a companion for my “solitary” endeavors (running, skiing) that prevents me from being isolated in a potentially dangerous situation. I don’t need a “guard dog,” but I also don’t need to be alone.

This latter was grained deeply into me growing up, and while I know women who will run alone, not even my dad would. So I’m definitely not comfortable with it.

If I decide I’m interested in tracking or therapy work, that’s what we do. I choose the animal that will love working toward the same goals, and we go for it. I get to define the goals, rather than just finding them.

It gives me an outlet for my desire to direct without squishing anyone’s individual, inherent direction.

~~~

Those are my definable non-dog-person reasons. Maybe I’ll be able someday to articulate what about dog-ness keeps pulling me back. Lines in the books about “loyalty” and “unconditional love” don’t quite explain it, since I have those things already.

Maybe it’s the god-ness we get a taste of. I’ve heard others suggest that. The chance to be the source and completeness of life, the infallible one worthy of sole adoration. But that can’t quite be it either–

Because I already have a nursing infant.

Motherhood vs. Career?

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Another random-advice article.

The questions in the forum I visit have been nice writing prompts :) I think I like blogging these because they are sort of attitude-landmarks. They articulate how I feel about a particular issue.

The topic here is the question of whether a happily married gal just out of college should have babies (and stay home with them) or a career first.

Those asking the question seem to be stuck between two scares:

  1. Being unmarketable (because they’ve spent X-number of years out of the workforce).
  2. Being unable to have children without medical intervention because they waited too long.

The arguments that I was reacting to included the assertions that the young woman ought to enjoy life before becoming encumbered by children, and that (after working so hard to get her degree) she had a near-moral obligation to do something with it. There was also the question of whether she wanted to risk the happiness of her marriage on children (yet).

~

There are people who will warn you about how a baby will change your relationship, and it will, but it doesn’t have to destroy or even weaken it.

I heard a lot of stories about that while pregnant the first time. They unsettled me, but ended up not applying to us at all.

What helped us, I believe, was Jay’s paternity leave and his heavy involvement while he was home.

We were working actively on the same team and it was a boot-camp bonding experience: both challenging and encouraging to our marriage.

More and more employers (if the women’s mags are right) are seeing the value of the women returning to the work force in their 30s and 40s, and are eager for the “real-life” skills these women bring.

Trust me, you will gain valuable work- and real-world-experience learning to manage a home, live frugally on one income and stimulate/encourage your children in their individual talents.

If you haven’t guessed already I am a SAHM, and it is a full-time job. Not just the always-on-call type of full-time job, but the type I must study for. Reading and researching to stay on top of my game.

It is preparing me for so many future plans that I write them down and squirrel them away. Sometimes I work on them, sometimes I tack a future date on them, but I don’t have to deny them.

And when thinking about age, don’t forget how much (active!) life continues long beyond your fertile years. “Getting your fun in” doesn’t have to happen all in your 20s. Especially if you’ve already found your life-partner.

Just, don’t be afraid of time.