Another random-advice article.
The questions in the forum I visit have been nice writing prompts :) I think I like blogging these because they are sort of attitude-landmarks. They articulate how I feel about a particular issue.
The topic here is the question of whether a happily married gal just out of college should have babies (and stay home with them) or a career first.
Those asking the question seem to be stuck between two scares:
- Being unmarketable (because they’ve spent X-number of years out of the workforce).
- Being unable to have children without medical intervention because they waited too long.
The arguments that I was reacting to included the assertions that the young woman ought to enjoy life before becoming encumbered by children, and that (after working so hard to get her degree) she had a near-moral obligation to do something with it. There was also the question of whether she wanted to risk the happiness of her marriage on children (yet).
There are people who will warn you about how a baby will change your relationship, and it will, but it doesn’t have to destroy or even weaken it.
I heard a lot of stories about that while pregnant the first time. They unsettled me, but ended up not applying to us at all.
What helped us, I believe, was Jay’s paternity leave and his heavy involvement while he was home.
We were working actively on the same team and it was a boot-camp bonding experience: both challenging and encouraging to our marriage.
More and more employers (if the women’s mags are right) are seeing the value of the women returning to the work force in their 30s and 40s, and are eager for the “real-life” skills these women bring.
Trust me, you will gain valuable work- and real-world-experience learning to manage a home, live frugally on one income and stimulate/encourage your children in their individual talents.
If you haven’t guessed already I am a SAHM, and it is a full-time job. Not just the always-on-call type of full-time job, but the type I must study for. Reading and researching to stay on top of my game.
It is preparing me for so many future plans that I write them down and squirrel them away. Sometimes I work on them, sometimes I tack a future date on them, but I don’t have to deny them.
And when thinking about age, don’t forget how much (active!) life continues long beyond your fertile years. “Getting your fun in” doesn’t have to happen all in your 20s. Especially if you’ve already found your life-partner.
Just, don’t be afraid of time.