I’m getting the ‘I’m sick of this and want to move on‘s already. I got these last year too, maybe a couple days further in. I produced over 1500 words today, and a two-page outline with a much tighter story than last year, and all I can think is how un-human I feel. How my house needs work and my children need prayer (this after a lovely morning together, so I’m thinking it could all be the tireds).
Maybe I should stop reading Stein (Ooo! Sorry Kaye! I do like it!), because it automatically starts my inner editor, and that’s just killing my desire to put words down– it seems more focussed on untangling and adding meaning to the structure than actually writing the story.
Last year I kept going because Jay said it was important. And because I had between 5 and 12 people I’d been talking it up with since October began. Now I don’t know. Part of me just wants to quit before I’m really started. Maybe it’ll come down again to whether this is important to Jay. I don’t know now if it’s important enough to me.
This may all change after a good night’s sleep. Jay asked me today as he got out of the car, “Are you sure you’ll be okay? You didn’t get much sleep.” I laughed and said, “Well, it’s moot now, you’ve already decided to go to work.”
So we had a lovely morning visiting animals all around town. Of course, it did nothing to diminish my desire for my own… But the children enjoyed it, and I enjoyed watching their delight, and seeing that even Elisha (18-months) is learning gentleness– he was adorable with the kitties, and seems to have a baby-version of the cat sign now (stroking his cheek instead of drawing out the whiskers).
Crashing now– hoping I don’t get the chance to put up half my day’s word-count before 4 a.m. this time…