Laughing at Myself

I used to be embarrassed when my writing pleased me (toe-curling, laugh-out-loud delight seems rather presumptuous– sort of like describing your children’s wonderfulness).

“Isn’t it amazing,” my mom gushed last summer, “We have only beautiful and brilliant people in this family.”

My dad placidly observed, “I’m sure the warthog says the same thing.”

Today I fixed something in Linnea’s Journey, re-read it and laughed aloud, clapping my hands.  At once I cringed, even in the privacy of my writing nook.  Then I remembered something my one editor-encounter left me with: “Your writing should move you.  If it doesn’t excite or entertain you who are this close, how can you expect it to move anyone else?”

So I enjoyed the feeling.

Here’s something from my story that made me laugh (possibly in an inside-joke way), though not the passage I described above– that was a chunk that makes no sense out of context.  This one has at least a chance.

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Thoughts While Waiting on Critiques

A couple times during college I asked different friends, “What’s wrong with me?”

On some level I think I wanted to be sure I was “working on” the stuff that actually bugged people, but at my core I know I wanted to hear, “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

I never heard that.

Instead I got a very cautious, respectful, (in one case delighted) listing of all my known flaws.  They hurt to have so plainly enumerated, but I was thankful at least not to hear anything new.

This is how I feel about sending off my manuscript with directions to tell me everything that was wrong.  I was contemplating how differently (more critically) people are reading this than the average book off the shelf, when my SIL nailed the reason.

“You *asked* them to notice what’s wrong.  When I’m asked that I’m going to be reading differently.”

So, in a last-minute effort to salvage my feelings, I do want to announce that I forgot to put on critique directions that I am *also* interested in anything nice you want to say about what you read.

I want the story to be as good as it can be, so yes, I want to hear ideas about improving; but I’d greatly enjoy hearing indications it was more enjoyable than painful to read, and knowing any particular moments that were favorites or helped form a positive impression of the work.

There.  I hope that’s not interpreted as groveling for compliments.

A New Adventure

With my “finished” novel now working its way through the United States and (soon) the Far North, the question arises naturally about what I will do with my now copious amounts of free time.

That was a joke.  It’s okay to laugh.

The question arose while shopping with my kids yesterday and Natasha nearly exploded with delight when she suggested, “King’s Quest VI!”

I bought this from our library for $1, some months back, and all my family has been through it but me.  It enabled a significant amount of my work to get done while Jay helped the kids with it, and I feel no need anymore to do it myself.

“Or I could start my second novel,” I responded with equal enthusiasm.  “No,” she said.  “That wouldn’t be as interesting.”

But I did anyway, last night after seeing part of Stranger than Fiction and the pilot of Castle with Jay.

I *love* pilots.  I think the best storytelling happens there.

And this novel is going to be an entirely different experience.

~ ~ ~

If there is one thing about my first novel I’m not sure how to “fix,” it’s that the story seems more event-driven than character-driven.

Being based based on an established story can do that– one has a sort of check-list to get through.

This next story, Perfection Wasted, gets to be the opposite.  This story takes the premise “Every person is the main character in his/her own story,” and looks at a different story that is happening at the same time as part of Linnea’s Journey.

Yes, I know that’s a bland title, but just now, it’s the closest to applicable I’ve come up with.

This one has gets to be character-driven because, other than the events of the first novel it bumps into by proximity, there is no checklist for this story.  Only characters.

So far here’s my set of new main characters:

  • A princess raised to be a pawn, secretly afraid she’s too smart for her own safety
  • A prince raised to be king, hiding that he’s a coward
  • The prince’s best friend and body guard, with divided loyalties
  • Two evil women– one powerful in magic, the other in influence– and I have yet to see which one will prove worse.

They all exist in Linnea’s Journey, but I carefully avoided giving them POV, and I’m going to seat-of-the pants this one until I can decide if I really want to deal with a war (because that would be the ultimate question: can these people avert/fight/or win a war).

I don’t feel secure discussing politics, even in a novel, so I’ll have to get over that or find a different climax.

I am slightly ashamed to say that Linnea’s Journey does feel a bit like a novel lying in wait for a sequel, but it really was too big to get everything in there at once.

And I really like having a familiar cast to return to and play with.

DONE.

Again.

Final stats for round five: 105,576 words, 39 scenes (depending on how you count), and 358 pages.

I was making a list of words to scan through and do clean-up on, but I think I’ll do that while they’re out with the test group.  I don’t expect line-editing from them, so I can do that while they look at the story.

I’m itching to read the whole thing again before I print it out, but I fear that would be a never-ending cycle.  So… happy birthday to me, I’m printing my novel today. I mean, tomorrow.

Jay was really jazzed about doing electronic copies to everyone, but the local people all want something in their hands, so I’ll get our printer busy with that.

~

I want to bind them too– maybe with cardstock covers for durability/portability, but I’m afraid that will look cheesy.  Thoughts?

Only one more shopping day…

Till I turn 30.

No that’s not the point of this post. (But now you know, doncha.)

I’m nearly done with my final sweep. It’s come the same week as Jay’s been working longer hours, but God has been providing an encouraging ballance, so even with Jay gone more I haven’t been particularly slowed down.

(Though I did read a book yesterday, and that was refreshing.)

Still haven’t figured out what to do with Garm (Linnea’s sheep dog) for the end.  Jay said he should die somewhere while he’s out on the quest with Kennett, which really would solve all our problems… But mostly I’m resisting because I don’t want to waste emotional capital when there’s so many more significant things going on.

And I told Jay last night that I’m getting cold feet about sending my story out to be read by half a dozen near-strangers.  His loving supportive response:

Get over it.

Which, of course, was the right thing to say.  The main trouble is releasing it knowing readers will find flaws. Which will prove I’ve missed some.

I don’t think I pretend to be perfect, but with writing and rewriting I’ve sort of grown to feel that illusions of (near) perfection in a final product are appropriate.   And I realize I’m not going to be there, and that’s going to be disappointing to me.

And I need to get over it.

More than looking good myself, I want the story to look good, so that means handing it to people who will tell me what needs to be fixed.  What I’ve missed.

Though I will admit that my deepest fear is that somebody, very honest and apologetic, will tell me to be thankful only 6 people saw it because most of the story needs to be scrapped.

Happy Medium?

Next big project (I expect this revision to be done by the end of the week):

One-page summary.

I am in so much trouble.

You know how, in a “small town” everyone is related, and even those who aren’t related know the connections and hierarchy of everyone else?  Kids coming in halfway through 7th grade are going to be behind until they graduate from High School.

~

This is the feeling I’m trying to avoid in my novel.

It’s a small kingdom.  Okay, a small world.  It makes sense, but it only makes sense because the reader doesn’t get everything at once.  Like you would in a summary.

I’ve got my one-liner and used it about a dozen times now: Crippled girl disenchants beast but her happily-ever-after is interrupted when her new husband must leave on a quest and she finds herself facing new monsters, alone.

It’s worked 9-times out of 10.  Number 10 was this morning and my audience was distracted every-other-word, so the long sentence was too convoluted to follow.

But she asked for a longer summary, and I realized I am in *majo* trouble.

It must have taken me half an hour to work through it all (I really should have timed it), even leaving out half of one subplot and all of the other.  After doing detail work for weeks, I’m having to step back and ignore subtly and word craft and simply SAY:

This happens because of this to a person you care about because of this. The circumstances combine with this villain and these choices resulting in this.

The editor who agreed to look at my work when it was finished emphasized that this last this is especially important. TELL ME HOW IT ENDS, she insisted.  This is the person you want to amaze and charm and that doesn’t happen if you try to be coy.

To be honest, I don’t know how to be coy (*shocker* I know).  If I didn’t include the ending–before I know I needed to– it would be to save space.  To give more space to the rest of the story.

So I’ve been trying to think how to keep things short when this afternoon’s already proven that’s going to be a real challenge.

In the long version I think it’s cool that one storyline tangles with another, but for this version I wish they were a bit more self-contained.

I know I’ll get there, but griping just feels good every now and then.  I’ll pat myself on the back that no one has to see it very often, and I hope this will be all I say about it here.

Cheers.

(Done with 301 pages out of 357.  Over 7,000 words in this revision’s cut-bits file.)

New test-readers lined up!

At a book sale today

(I swear I’m done buying for a while!  I’m not even going to go into a bookstore through May– maybe through July too!)

I ran into a friend of mine who is an elementary school librarian.  She and her husband (a high school football coach with military experience) both agreed to read my novel, and a 4-6th-grade teacher agreed too.  I’m excited about these people reading it because they are all readers of 6-8th grade fantasy, and (I expect) will be able to give me a more experienced eye toward what age my story is appropriate for.

And I expect the man will have something to say about my fight scenes and references to military stuff, which I’ll welcome.

But, yeah, I bought a lot of books today.  And it parially makes me feel foolish buying books when I haven’t finished everything I own… but I’m beginning to feel it’s a bit like buying food before your kitchen is empty.  There are days when you know *just* what you want to eat, and there are days when you just want… options.

So there you go.  I’ve got options now (not that I didn’t before…) and I’ve reached my spending limit for this month and part of next’s, so that’s where the moratorium on buying came from.

For the first time in nearly 9 years of marriage Jay has suggested I limit my book-buying (to an entirely reasonable amount!).

I just have to retrain the way I think about hunting buying books, and I’ll be fine with it. ;)

This moment I’m absolutely torn.  All these delicious new books are calling me, and the opportunity to get my book read is calling too.

So many opportunities, all of them good.  I am blessed.

7 Quick-Takes (Vol. 9)

~ ~ 1 ~ ~

Last time I “taked” I felt wobbly about specializing.

This week  I embraced the gift it is.

All my life I’ve felt pulled between all the things I love and all the things I do well, and it was only recently I released most of them to consciously focus on writing as my first (extra-curricular) priority.

On Tuesday I lived a day that reminded me of the turmoil I used to live in my trying to do everything.  It was energizing and exciting… and nothing got done in my home.  My children played more with other people than with me.  Okay for a day, but I wouldn’t want to live this way.

~

I am so thankful for the opportunity God provided to let the other things go.

~ ~ 2 ~ ~

Fertility in fiction.  You ever wonder why there isn’t any?

I played with the idea of a closer-to-natural fertility in my novel.

That is, I sat down with my time line and two major families then calculated how many children they ought to have with normal health in a pre-birth-control era.  This quickly became overwhelming by sheer numbers and I turned evil-god and gave one family a bad marriage and the other miscarriages.

They still ended up with 5 and 7 births, respectively, but it was good practice in understanding why so many stories center around 1- and 2- children families.  I no longer am certain those choices strictly reflect a lower view of large families.  Rather, I see it as an example of something most novelists wrestle with–simplicity enough not to drown.

~ ~ 3 ~ ~

Does anybody here remember Colby? This is the sort of music I grew up on.

At my mom’s yesterday I played the record for my kids.  The “computer” elements have not aged well, but the music and the clear communication of foundational messages is still *solid*.  The music caught my emotional memory in ways I never expected, and reminded me of how much I wished I could play piano– I can’t think of another way one person can teach two-part harmony.

The sweet two-part harmonies are the exact thing I want to teach my kids and their Sunday school class.  If you ever hear of this being re-issued on CD, let me know.  I have some scruples about giving away copies of recordings, so I haven’t done that, but I wish I could get “Make a joyful noise” into every home in our little church.

~ ~ 4 ~ ~

Tonight I’ll be going to a “ladies’ retreat.”  I’ll be overnight away from home, sans kids, husband and novel.

*What* am I going to do with myself???

Is it too much to hope that I’ll get good sleep?

~ ~ 5 ~ ~

I’m considering joining Weight Watchers.  I have several friends who’ve spoken well of it and the structure it provides.

My resistance comes from the cost and the reality that I– in theory at least– already know what to do, so paying someone to *watch* me do it seems weird.  It makes me think of what my mom says about those who have that gastric-bypass surgery: “If they can change the way they eat afterward, why not before?” (I’ve been told reasons, but they’re pretty gross)

~ ~ 6 ~ ~

I haven’t been reading much since I started this last revision, but on one level I see this as a basic defense.  For me, reading (beyond the recreation and enjoyment of it) is to gather input and ideas for my own work.  At this exact moment I am not in a conscious idea-gathering stage and don’t want to be distracted from the “basic clean-up” I’m working on completing.

Honestly, if there is some huge structural flaw, or major twist or revision that needs to be worked in, I am not in a mental/emotional state to apply it, so I’d rather not increase my awareness just now.  I’ll re-engage after I send this out.

~ ~ 7 ~ ~

I have a stack of “animal-transformation” novels I’m working my way through (in the not-this-minute sense).  Also found an interesting book  called The Beast and the Blond with a chapter about animal transformations and the difference between males and females with the affliction.

All sorts of assumptions and discussions about the differences between male and female troubles and attitudes.

Fascinating stuff this.  To me.

For more 7 Quick Takes visit Jen’s Conversion Diary

Other 7 Quick Takes on Untangling Tales

A New and Needed Word

Condonation.

Would any of you guess what that means?  It was exactly the the type of word I was looking for.

I’m hoping/assuming context will make the meaning clear.

Tykone urged his horse forward and stopped with his stirrup alongside Torbjorn’s. Somewhere he felt a small shame in forcing himself between the prince and the pretty brown-haired sarsé that was doubtless his new wife.  But blocking out every other person he swallowed his pride and dismounted, touching his forehead to Torbjorn’s boot in the traditional gesture to beg condonation.

“My prince,” said Tykone, “There is something I have done, and I will accept punishment if you require, but first I need your help.”