I’m not a person who usually minds that.
But hearing “You’ll figure it out eventually,” can sound very empty and frustrating when you don’t know if it’s true.
You know, one of those “Mom’s being encouraging” lines you never know if you can trust. Like, “Of course you’re beautiful.”
I used to fight rolling my eyes when I heard that one.
Some months ago I was describing to her my various attempts at differing systems of getting home-things done.
Systems that work in theory, and maybe even in real life before old habits resume control, but die pathetically as I run out of energy trying to maintain someone else’s personality.
Some of those systems, looking at them now, seem like having another woman running things in your house. She knows what she’s doing and has proven she’s better at it.
But, doggone it, it’s my house. This just isn’t going to work unless I change or they change.
I’ve been two or three weeks in this new person’s body and mind, and I’m starting to get a little tense.
I sort of like this new me. I find myself wondering if this is a change God has made that will become my new normal, or whether I’ll suddenly get tired and it’ll all fall apart.
This is (in a weird way) fun to write down, because I actually feel more confident having aired that.
Right before I got engaged, I was so relieved to hear my mom balance out the twitterpated sighs of all my newlywed friends:
“You’ll just know!“
I didn’t, so it was validating that my mother (still happily married to my father) didn’t either.
So I was quite disappointed to hear the homemaking version of the same line:
“You’ll figure it out.”
I didn’t want to figure it out. I wanted it to be a logical formula someone else had figured out and could hand me. That doable time-table that would bring peace and order to my life.
But it didn’t work that way.
The almost disappointing thing is that I don’t have any better advice to offer anyone coming after me (You know how I love to give advice…).
Sure I was seeking God, but— in theory at least— I’ve been seeking him about this for years. So this may be my first experience with seeing the fruition of years of prayer. Who knows?
But one of the biggest (and ineffable) lessons I have been learning lately is how different every family is. And just as each of us have to learn individually how to deal with (say) temptation, there are some things we are just never going to get except by doing and living.
So Mom was right. (Hi, Mom! Are you reading this?) I finally feel like I am figuring this out.
There’s been no “glory and trumpets,” and I’ve wondered a few times lately when this change began (it’s been pretty quick– happening in days/ weeks, not months).
No giddy excitement or *boom* of God’s presence.
But there is sweet warm oatmeal with strawberries, and children who delight in music, who ask me to snuggle with them while we watch their cartoons.
And peace and contentment.
God does give us the desires of our hearts. He planted in me the want for peaceful home and He is bringing that desire to fruition.
And I praise him for it.