Do you ever get the idea that you’ve been in training all your life for something, and didn’t know it?

And, maybe, the quirky parts of your personality that felt more distracting than helpful, that they advanced this something?

I have been wrestling the ugly side of my propensities for as long as I can remember (well, at least since 8 or 9), and my distaste of those things have made me distrust even the strengths that are related to those weaknesses.

And now (in the rare moments that allow me to think on it), I’m beginning to see things that I viewed in generous moments merely as distractions have a purpose.

~ ~ ~

Sorry for the lack of specifics, but wanted this to be applicable to more than me.

My example just now is very specific:

I have a propensity to latch onto an idea, research the snot out of it, collect what is interesting to me now or might be useful later.

Then it gets essentially left behind except for the (potentially) new angle it gave me of looking at reality.

Then after a while I do it again.

This is nearly compulsive for me; I may have mentioned here before that I get a type of buzz out of it.

It’s just recently, as I’ve been learning more about the teaching side of homeschooling (and solidifying how I want to do it), that I’m seeing this pattern is *very* conducive to my current plan of compiling and creating my own teaching content.

Anything you want to teach you must either know already or learn before/along with your pupil(s).

Something that embarrassed me (This is *such* a waste of time! Why do I love it?) has essentially been training for more purposeful stuff I expect to be doing increasingly in coming years.

~

Realizations like these are *so* encouraging, and I can see parallels in other areas that would be even harder to describe.

I may still be struggling with the same propensities and sins that I recognized at 9, and 14 ,and 22, and 27, but at least I can see they have become more subtle or disguised.

This is positive not because I delight in hiding things, but because it means I’m being faced with new– sometimes more challenging– tests, rather than the same ones over and over again.

I feel reassured that I am growing up.