I declaim frequently that we (as free human beings) really do do what it is we want to.
As in, I really wanted to write a novel in a month. This I did.
A friend I greatly admire (who has a B.S. in Engineering) wanted to stay home once her first child was born. Her husband (degree in Wildlife Management) chose not to work in his field of study because it meant too much time away from his family. They now live (contentedly) in a dry cabin with two children under age 5.
They really wanted to have a homebody lifestyle, and have found a way to do it on their income.
My grandmother (just like me, or I just like her, as you like it) had 3 children in less than four years. Unlike me she didn’t get much help from her husband who always worked more than one job, all physically demanding. This while living in a small house under construction for years.
She stayed up late after the children were sleeping in order to clean and have a tidy home.
What you really want to do, you will find a way to do.
Since this is the thought I subscribe to, I have to admit when I “can’t” do something I want to do, that it is because I don’t want it enough.
(Following so far?)
This creates a lot of pressure on me. But it is legitimate pressure most of the time. I think we cut ourselves way too much slack generally when it comes to stuff we don’t do.
This came up because I was asked at a meeting tonight where/if I was getting spiritually fed enough, taking the baby out of the sermon when he gets loud, and having to miss grown-up Sunday school to teach the little ones. I said only if I was feeling needy enough to extend the effort.
I was feeling frustrated, and slacker-ish (never mind that I’ve been running on two-cylinders for weeks), and (yes) feeling a little guilty that I haven’t been looking for alternate sources of spiritual fuel.
It’d honestly not entered my mind before. I have various ideas percolating now that that the topic’s come up, but I’m beginning to wonder how legitimate my theory of wanting is.
It’s true, certainly, a lot of the time, but to say it’s always true maybe gives us a little more control than reality does.
I am certainly feeling my limits now, and I’m desperately wanting to say it’s physical limitations holding me back– rather than motivational ones. But I think only God really knows…
So I’m checking in with him.