Saying What I Mean

The post to young mothers (about their husbands providing them a break) was written under a cloud of inspiration and attitude.

There have been a couple posts on my radar about “Mommy-time,” and they were what inspired the post, but before many more people read it, I feel like I want to explain myself.

I’ve mentioned before how much I thrive on positivity, and how I left a mom’s group once because they were too negative. The way this was typically manifested was in complaints about their lot as SAHMs and their husbands:

  • Griping about their men wanting to know when they’d be back from a once-a-month outing (Sorry Ma’am, that baby’s going to be even less interested in that bottle– or that dad– if she only sees it once a month– give it time).
  • Complaining that SAHMs take in poorer nutrition than their “working” counterparts: “Do you really think you can live well off of PB&J crusts?” (No. That’s why I avoid those.)
  • “He never volunteers to help with the baby.” (Does the baby do anything but cry when Daddy holds him? Talk about rejection. Who signs-up for that? Give him some strategies!)

Then there was the cap-all,

  • Sure, her husband gave her a weekend (!) out of town with her girlfriends, but she could tell from all the boxes when she got home they must have had pizza every night, and he certainly hadn’t done any laundry while they were away, leaving her with this ungodly amount of work to do. Did he think all she did all day was watch the kids?

I felt so sad for that man. Here he’d bravely stepped forward (or maybe he was dumped-on, I forget), covered for her, and it wasn’t good enough.

My goal was to provide an alternative to complaining. Yes, I know some people just need to vent, but lets not sear our husbands in public, please!


I know a number of men who are just *amazing* with children. I know others (like my husband) who are very good. I also know my husband had to learn this skill. I think it’s safe to assume most people have to learn it.

Sometimes the first children a man interacts with are his own, and I strongly believe a mother who will encourage her husband in this new venture will have better success that one who criticizes him.

The intent of the post wasn’t to say all men need our refined (or clumsy) help to be competent fathers. Its purpose was to provide seeds of thought for wives who want specific ideas for helping their husbands in that area.

5 thoughts on “Saying What I Mean

  1. THANK YOU!!! I am about a week away from the birth of my first child and my huband and I couldn’t be more thrilled. The only problem I have encountered has been the negativity that seems to rain down via advice when people see that you are pregnant. I have had more women tell me “Oh you just wait till you have that baby…you will want it back in…at least when it is in the womb you know where it is”…or “Kids are so sooooo much work” ..”you will never have time to rest or time to read or time to do anything by yourself anymore”!! At this point I just look at them and ask…”If children are such a burden then why did you continue on to have 4 instead of just the first!? I believe that children are a blessing….work yes..but a blessing. I am so glad that you talked about how women seem to think that husbands are suppose to “know” what to do… I can’t expect my husband who goes to work everyday for nine (sometimes more) hours per day to come home…and be yelled at for whatever reason and then want to be an active part in whatever I ask of him!
    I find that if he does something…cleans the kitchen…takes out the trash…picks up his dirty clothes off the floor and puts them in the hamper…anything…one time out of 20…if I complement him and tell him how wonderful he is…he is more likely to continue on in this manner.
    I agree with you about searing your husband in public…

    Again thank you for posting your thoughts on this topic… you said exactly what I want to say to so many people. I loath negativity…and have longed to hear something positive throughout this pregnancy!

  2. I am totally both you and Allenia on this. I hate all the negative comments I get from older parents. “Oh, you’re enjoying her now, but the terrible twos are just around the corner!” or “SHE’S a good baby, but your next one will be a holy terror.” And don’t get me started about the awful things non-parents said to me during my pregnancy…

    I very much agree with the importance of respecting our husbands publicly and praising them, not tearing them down. I’m glad I started going to Mom2Mom at my church – the two older moms who lead it are very positive, and the time is about learning and growing and supporting each other, not griping. If it had turned out to be like the group you’re mentioning, I would either leave…or stay, just for the purpose of being the positive fly in their negative ointment! (After a while of that, I think I’d probably be ASKED to leave!)

  3. Thanks for visitng my blog. I like this post. I am so sick of hearing other mothers (and myself, on occasion) complaing about thier hubbys and kiddos. As mothers we are to encourage one another, not discourage. Also, talking poorly about your husband within earshot of your kids is so bad for them and only breeds disrespect. I am all for a new leaf being turned over in the world of sahms: lets positive and talk about what a blessing our men and children are! Thanks for this refreshing post.

    Cammie (I answered your question (as best I could) on my blog)

  4. I completely agree with you about how much better life is when you try to be positive. But, maybe I am not being fair because having God in my life greases the skids of grace when people disappoint me. Sure, my oldest has autism and my youngest hates algebra and things always break in my one-hundred-year-old house when my dear husband is on a business trip. I know things could be worse because I have been through worse. Taking difficulties with a grain of salt and a sense of humor just seems more productive than walling in a pit of pity.

    Do you live in Alaska? We used to live in Sand Point (Shumagin Islands) for two years, but now live in the Carolinas.

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