…But in an attempt to improve, I resolve:
- Though my human will never let me eat the pet hamster, I am at peace with that.
- To remember my toy mouse is a much more socially acceptable gift than a big live bug, even if it isn’t as tasty.
- I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
- I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter.
- I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
- I will not play “Herd-of-Thundering-Wildebeests-Stampeding- Across-the-Plains-of-the-Serengeti” over any humans’ bed while they are trying to sleep.
- I will not drag dirty socks onto the bed at night and then yell at the top of my lungs so that my humans can admire my kill.
- I will not perch on my human’s chest in the middle of the night and stare until they wake up.
- I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
- To remember when it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.
- To remember I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this, bonk my head on the window, and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
- I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
- If I must claw my human I will l not do it in such a way that the scars resemble a botched suicide attempt.
- When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch the projectiles.
- I will not play “dead cat on the stairs” while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
- I will not swat my human’s head repeatedly when he is on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
- To remember if I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
- When my human is typing at the computer, to remember her forearms are *not* a hammock.
- I will not walk on the key board when my human is writing important adagfsg gdjag ;ln.
- To remember that computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.
- I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has watched a horror movie.
- I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has watched the X-Files.
My sister-in-law sent me this, and l laughed so hard the baby stopped nursing and started crying. This isn’t the straight forward (no pun intended); I re-ordered, corrected wording, along with grammer, and grouped items for my own style of organization.
Don’t tell me I have too much time on my hands. ;-) Some people spend this much and more on video games. I did for a while, but I haven’t renewed my Everquest II account since before Elisha was born. I only miss it when I hear people talking about WoW.
Everquest II is so much cooler…
Bugaboo needs to adopt most of these resolutions…