Getting Un-stuck.

I absolutely cannot remember where I read/heard this, but here’s how my memory plays it:

I don’t want to.
I don’t even want to want to.
But I do want to want to want to.
And that is a starting place.

I haven’t got any further in the deciding how much my will determines my own doings/ability. But I am being reminded about the faithfulness of God in the midst of our foolish confusions.

I was out and doing stuff with the kids until naptime.
Then I came home and worked in my kitchen the rest of the day.

I had the desire, was careful not to analyze it, lest I embarrass it away, and just did it. (If it hasn’t been clear before, my being up so much in the night with the baby has made housework a very. low. priority.)

~ ~ ~

It made me think of that opening quote, and what I had written in the night (up with the baby again) when I finished my 100-things list.

One section I titled, Eight goals I want to want enough to make happen.

I prayed as I wrote them, but the prayers were half-formed, confused things. All I could say was that title.

Here is a progression:

But you want complete honesty, so teach me true wisdom.

Do I really want to know the truth? Do I really want things to be different?

For a while I actually enjoyed being up in the night, because I got more time to myself, and time to write. Admitting that was honesty. Agreeing it wasn’t good for my body was wisdom.

Make me as happy as you did when you saved me;
make me want to obey!

I have been given a cheerful heart. I often can’t find that when I’m overtired. More honesty and finding wisdom.

Also an openness for God to help me change what I can’t change (or haven’t changed) on my own: my attitude and my actions.

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Two translations put it this way, and I love the dual meaning of this phrasing.

God will give you what you want. He will also give you what to want.

This was what I needed. I want to want to obey. I don’t always know what that looks like. To have my desires pull me towards something I know God will find pleasing…

I have to say, this is peace.

Elsewhere the scriptures say

You do not have because you do not ask.

I am seriously thinking of putting up little signs around my house that say,

“Have you tried asking yet?”

My children and I go through this daily. They’re not allowed to say, “I can’t.” (It usually comes out whiny, and I don’t like that either). They are supposed to say, “I need help.

Seems I should take a page out of my own book.

Only let us live up to what we have already attained. His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him.

Perhaps in confirmation of all this, I also found this verse, and it seemed a most fitting conclusion to dwell on.

Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

4 thoughts on “Getting Un-stuck.

  1. RYC: “Love ya little sister–Thanks for making me keep thinking”

    Thanks for your sweet encouragement and patience with my questions!

    I easily fall behind reading your prolific writing but I enjoy it a lot.

    I’ve started to read that site you linked and discuss parts of it with Micah. He brought up an interesting question this morning: “Think about how much Christianity has changed in our lifetimes or our parents’ lifetimes. Don’t people make doctrines to fit the culture? (I was thinking of the new dating philosophy as he said this) How much of original Christianity do you think we’ve retained in 2000 years?” Kind of daunting but I still like to ask questions. :)

  2. I have frequently had to back myself up like that, just as you describe – I don’t want to….I might not even want to want to…but I want to want to want to. Specifically regarding forgiveness, one time I recall I had to back up a long time…a lot of “want tos” before I was at a place where I could be honest and comfortable with where I was at. But God always seems ready to meet us where we are – when we start walking towards him, we find him running down the road to meet us.

    Grace and peace to you.


  3. Pingback: Untangling Tales » Blog Archive » Doing What We Really Want to Do (part 3)

  4. Pingback: Untangling Tales » Blog Archive » Ask!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *