“Wow,” my mom said when I told her. “I though you had to be way older. That’s really cool.”
Last week someone was describing first-impressions and one of the words he used for me was eccentric.
I mentioned this after church, and one of the women seemed to grow offended or anxious for my sake.
“Did he really know you?” she asked. How could he say that? was all over her tone.
“That wasn’t the point,” I tried to explain, not sure how to say that no matter how he meant it (and I was convinced he meant it in a neutral way), I felt honored by the word.
You see, though I didn’t have the label for it yet (that came about two days later), I was sure eccentric meant strong. It takes a distinct measure of strength to continue to be notably different from the world around you.
I’ve expressed how thankful I am that I was homeschooled, because it meant that I wasn’t pummeled into some standardized mold by my peers. I don’t think I would have been this strong then. And I rather like who I’ve grown into.
When I meet (usually in a story) an individual that is both weird and attractive, I just assume they’re good at something. The Bunny-Ears-Lawyer can get away with anything because they are. that. good. so no one forces them to change.
But I have a few people in my world that are just weird. Not the eccentric + attractive combination that is necessary to assume skill. So I was sort of putting myself down, putting myself in that (“merely weird”) category, when, two days after I found the label, another recent acquaintance spontaneously addressed this.
I’ve gotten the distinct impression, on reviewing this last week, that God has been telling me over and over again, You have value. A message I needed to hear.
“I remember seeing you at the last potluck,” the new woman said. It was the first time we’d spoken much. “I saw you talking with all this energy and information– you had so much information– and there were people around you, and they were listening to you. And I thought, I want to sit near *her*.”
Many many times I’ve been afraid of burning people, vaguely aware that my intensity is higher than, well, what people expect.
Whatever that means.
And I forget that God has placed people in my world who actually enjoy the way I am. Including my eccentricity.
And that I’m allowed to enjoy me too. :)