Category Archives: Homeschooling

The Bitter Homeschooler’s Wish List

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I’ve seen this list unattributed on at least one blog already.

If you love it and want other folks to see it, please give Deborah Markus her byline. (As a writer myself, I hope my own work will receive the same respect if it ever becomes this popular.)

A few of my favorites (and my commentary):

  • If my kid’s only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he’d learn in school, please understand that you’re calling me an idiot.
  • We didn’t go through all the reading, learning, thinking, and weighing of options that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.
  • Stop assuming that if we’re religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.
    • (Our reasons currently have more to do with relationship and academics.)
  • Stop assuming that because the word “school” is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does.
    • (One of my favorite things as a homeschooled child was the direct connection between my personal motivation/ application and the amount of time school took to finish. 9-to-noon days were my favorites, and I bragged about them.)
  • Stop saying, “Oh, I could never homeschool!” Even if you think it’s some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you’re horrified. One of these days, I won’t bother disagreeing with you.
  • If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you’re allowed to ask how we’ll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can’t, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn’t possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.
  • Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child’s teacher as well as her parent. I don’t see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.
    • (AMEN!)

There are more, and yes, they’re all that bitter or more so, but it’s nice to say to invisible enemies exactly what you’d never say to someone you actually loved, even when you wished they had the same information.

I always wondered…

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Really, I have guessed I was what the elementary schools would have labeled “gifted” when I was in school. (Being homeschooled most of my elementary experience I didn’t really have many to compare myself to.)

A comment in my latest read made me think of it:

A piano teacher told me gifted children were the very hardest to teach because they expected to be able to sit at a piano and instantly play.

I can *so* relate to this.

So many things have happened easily for me that when something is challenging I find myself wagging my head for a moment like a dizzy puppy before deciding whether to continue.

My rational side says, Of course. This is a skill, it requires investment.

My {whatever you want to call the} other side whines It’s just not *natural* for it to be this hard!

This happens mainly for me with instruments, but also with my current stage of noveling.

This commentary of Bittner’s (author of the book linked above) on the topic of giftedness is so good:

Capable children must learn to struggle through challenging tasks.

There is no possible way they can get through their entire lives without encountering something they can’t do well, and it’s better for them to learn how to work hard at something when they are still young enough to receive your guidance and encouragement…

When he pleads to quit, or loses his temper because the subject isn’t going well, be gentle and encouraging, but firm. Tell him he must continue to work at this, but show him how to tackle the project.

This is the role I’d been trying to get Jay to take in relation to something— anything— challenging that I’m drawn to. I finally asked him if he could chose something for me. Something he liked that he could own as important to him too.

I wanted to be able to “plead to quit, or lose [my] temper because [X] isn’t going well” and still have that gentle encouragement I need to keep on.

Jay picked the novel, and I felt this lovely rush of relief (almost like the other options were even more work) and thanked him for his choice.

So, while the process isn’t moving much faster than it was, my mental energy is less scattered, and that’s what I attribute this week’s successes to.

I am “almost” done with my first draft, but my structure and time-frame have changed significantly, requiring another read-through with cutting and re-ordering.

I have a printout sitting on my desk that is intimidating in it’s hight.

“And it’s not not even a whole novel!” I moaned, thinking of the amount of work left.

Jay’s calm answer: “It’s a whole lot of a novel.”

See, he’s already doing his job. :)

Homeschooling in Alaska

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Dude. I am going with Option 1. (PDF)

Home School Statute:

Option 1. Alaska Stat. § 14.30.010(b)(12). If “the child is being educated in the child’s home by a parent or legal guardian,” the child is exempt from compulsory attendance. Under this option, there are no requirements to notify, seek approval, test, file forms, or have any teacher qualifications. The burden is on the state to prove that parents are not teaching their children.

Talk about simplifying my life.

“A Mom Just Like You”– book review

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Well, not many people can say a mother of 10, married to a lawyer, is “just like me,” but I appreciated her transparency in showing her lack of perfection.

~

I’ve started a new page, describing what I’ve read this year. At least the stuff I’d recomend to others. I think this is my first book review on this blog.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The first book I’ve finished this year is A Mom Just Like You. A gift from an older woman in my church who knows I plan to homeschool.

This is a delightfully not-dictating, how-we-did-it book of a home-schooling mother of 10.

It’s not strictly a homeschooling book, but more the requested “testimony” many homeschool-conference attendees had asked for from her, as the wife of a prominent speaker.

It has all the expected chapters from an “older woman” book, including:

  • Finding time for God ( “There are times when we must make the conscious choice to set something else aside in order to get the fellowship with God we need.”)
  • Putting husband second only to God
  • Sticking with homeschooling (even when you’re sick of dealing with the children’s sin-natures all day) because you remember why you’re doing it.
  • An answer to the What-about-time-for-me? question.

But the best thing for me in all of this book was the gentle patient tone of the writing.

There has been a lot of talk among bloggers about the book Created to be His Helpmeet (I’ll reserve most comments about that one). But one of the main complaints I have personally heard is the the author’s tone is somewhat… demanding.

It is written by an “older woman” that you really believe knows what she’s talking about, and she probably has a lot of good advice, but she’s hard for me to “hang out” with.

Vickie Farris, whose voice is projected in this book (it was largely ghost-written by her daughter Jayme), comes across as more gentle in her approach. She is settled in her convictions but equally aware of the journey she had to take to reach those convictions.

Farris seems gracious enough to realize her readers may be on similar journeys, and will reach their destinations as God leads their open hearts.

Maybe I can read it this way because when I read her story about their journey away from birth-control I’m not impelled to follow. ;) Others may perhaps find it unsettling or convicting, and complain about the time she spends describing that journey.

Through the journey Farris describes in this book, I felt she had found contentment in the life God has called her to, and from her story an interested listener might glean a few ideas to apply to her own life.

It covers some of the same ground as Created, but it is one I can recomend without reservation.

Advice for Organizing your Time/Life with Littles

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Written here from the perspective of a homeschooling mom of many with a good memory of the early years of parenting.

Her emphasis is on training early. I appreciated her focused approach, gently and realistically sticking with the basics of loving and modeling.

All that is important to us– truly important to us– will be shown in what we do, and this is wise to remember as we “just live our lives” for the audience of our children.

Finding and Changing Plans

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I got some books about Charlotte Mason from the library today. Along with a book that was very helpful when I used it two years ago. I’m hoping for some solidity in homeschooling expectations and help with my current sleep-debt.

Obviously my high-minded “reading-plan” has gone out the window. For now.

Not that it actually bothers me. Just that I’m continuing on as I have been. Doing what I want most to do at the moment.

It works for me a lot of the time, but calling it what it is (immediate gratification) always makes me uncomfortable.

I recognize it is a pattern of behavior– maybe even a mindset– that I struggle with, but because it works more than half the time, it is a very hard habit to break.

Those people who don’t want to talk to their kids about pot because it makes them feel like hypocrites? That’s the way I feel sometimes when I ask the girls to set something aside for later.

By the same token, I still do it, hoping they won’t end up with the same struggle I have. It’s hard to decide what to do sometimes.

Homeschool: Not Optional for Us.

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I think the reason Kendra’s post meant so much to me was wrapped up in #5, and the rest were about understanding and surviving in that universe.

5. For many of us, homeschooling isn’t an option. Many believe it is not only the best way for their family, it is the only way… When sharing a particular struggle unique to homeschooling, comments like, “Well, why don’t you consider putting them in school? Maybe homeschooling just isn’t your thing” aren’t helpful. Instead, offer a listening ear and your fervent prayers on her behalf.

Jay and I have talked about this many times, and I constantly pray (and begin research projects) to be prepared. I feel so passionately about this it’s hard sometimes to remain neutral when a friend or relative begins proselytizing about their own child’s school situation (or offering to help us out by sharing something from that lovely program.)

This might rankle some because I am working so hard not to do the same. Not that I yet have any “miracles” to offer, just that I refrain from sharing a list of our reasons to stay home that will inevitably sound like attack on their parental skills/love for letting their own child(ren) go off.

Disclaimer of course: I know public school is the only (or even perhaps right) option for some people. I think I am more frustrated by the unexamined expectation that *this is just what you do with your kids.*

Jay and I feel a near-moral obligation to keep our kids home, and so we (at least, I) feel frustrated by the emphasis of things (even as benign as Sesame Street) on going away to school and the hype of large crowds *just your own age* (and little adult supervision or interaction).

The more I research, the more I feel sure this is what we must do, and the more I *wish* I were the organizationally-gifted type.

Thank you Kendra Fletcher

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Kendra Fletcher of the Preschoolers and Peace website and blog posted this last week.

If you are the mother, grandmother, sister, friend, father, or brother of a homeschooling mom, here are some things you should know:

1. Educating children at home is a full-time job. Don’t get irritated if she consistently allows the answering machine to do its job. If she were a teacher in an institutional classroom, you probably wouldn’t think of calling her during school hours, so try to realize that while still at home, she is keeping regular school hours, too.

2. Unlike homes in which the children are gone for eight straight hours, her home is in a constant state of activity. The children are not only home, they are home making messes. All day long. Their mother doesn’t even have the opportunity to go into their rooms while they are at school and weed out the junk. And if she is like me, you might find odd homeschooly things lying around- like the month we had a dead turtle in the garage fridge.

3. Housekeeping and homeschooling are mutually exclusive. If she is doing her job educating her children academically, then her house is not being cleaned. If she takes the day to clean the house, then school will not be accomplished. Continue reading »

Setting it in Stone

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(Posted simultaneously at Family News.)

I am officially limiting myself.

I “flipped a coin” (it wasn’t a literal coin, I was driving) and– as I’ve noticed in the past– found while it was in the air what it was I really wanted.

  • Storytelling is on-hold. Maybe for a decade. Lord willing, I will eventually return.
  • Piano is on-hold. I am tired of not moving forward as efficiently as I could in any instrument. I will be enjoying the beautiful Rainsong Jay picked out for me just after Elisha was born.

Jay and I have always known we wanted to homeschool our children, and Natasha is definitely ready and willing to learn new skills. So this conscious limiting is directly tied to the research and preparations I have begun in order to lay the groundwork for her schooling.

It is not so much the schooling that I see as the challenge, but maintaining a smoothly-running household at the same time. I have come across some very nice resources.