Author Archives: Amy Jane

(More than) 10 Things That Inspire Me as a Writer

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Another Writing in the Dark workshop last Saturday.

The 10-things list is one of the exercises we raced through (the presenter, local playwright Anne Hanley, emphasized several times the usefulness of speed in getting past the inhibitions of the conscious mind).

Here’s what I came up with that morning:

  • Laughter
  • Reading
  • Explaining
  • A walk alone
  • A clear floor or open space
    • for me this means a peaceful environment and a sense of accomplishment
  • Remembered delight
  • Learning something new
    • This may distract me from my writing, but it energizes me as a person, so it’s probably “inspiring” on some level.
  • Quiet presence— the cat, sleeping children
    • This “being alone but not alone” is consistently my most productive time. Perhaps it’s an artificial deadline of they could wake up any time, or I ought to be sleeping. I need it!
  • Good Tea
  • A clear image, analogy or story to clarify a formerly muddy issue.

After all that the group read around the circle, Scattegories style, saying one thing that hadn’t been said yet. We each heard additional things that weren’t on our own lists. Here are my “extras,” some new friends reminded me of:

What inspires you?
What make you want to write?

“All reality is Iconoclastic.”

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From C.S. Lewis’s A Grief Observed:

My idea of God is not a divine idea. It has to be shattered time after time.

He shatters it himself. He is the great iconoclast.

Could we not say that this shattering is one of the marks of his presence? The Incarnation is the supreme example; it leaves all previous ideas of the messiah in ruins. And most are “offended” by the iconoclasm; and blessed are those who are not. But the same thing happens in our private prayers.

All reality iconoclastic.

Really, I think this is what I’m trying to articulate whenever I talk about things like this or this. (Okay, okay, “The Trouble With Beauty” and “The Offense of the Gospel” for those of you who hate blind clicks. ;) )

I’ve made a shift in the last two weeks, with the only thing written down more than a day ahead being meals.

Maybe I’ll be able to articulate it better in the future, but I wanted to say that I have put away my attempts at the card-file (a system for maintaining house), and weekly to-do lists, and have started just “doing what I see.”

Don’t worry, I’ve always had “selective seeing.”

Sallie’s recent post articulated this so perfectly:

I have come to the conclusion that [scheduling] is an area in which God is not going to allow me to be successful because He wants me to be dependent on Him. I say that in all seriousness, with no jesting. We’ve prayed about it, we’ve strategized, we’ve made commitments, and it simply does not work. I have to believe that God has a bigger purpose in my sanctification than keeping a nice schedule.

I love this image of daily dependency. It brings what has sometimes been an intangible something called a “spiritual discipline” into a realm where I can see it.

What is surprising me (the current “iconoclast”) is how my life feels more peaceful and complete just now than is often has when I was wrestling with a schedule.

Cut and Polish

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Pie crust Promise (“easily made easily broken”) coming up:

I need to avoid printing out my novel until I’ve got it completed in rough-draft form.

As-is I’ve got some major parts left to finish writing, but printed it anyway. Since printing I’ve had two *major* mental revisions and clarifications.

  • Among them
    • Changing the identity of a major character
    • Eliminating a formerly major character that the previous change overlapped (Tanith, mentioned in my song post)
    • Clearly dentified the three main story lines I’m weaving together
    • Discovered my main POV character. So. cool.

So with all of this, do you think I’m ready to line-edit what I’ve got printed out? No!

I’m doing the work of weaving the life of the new discoveries into the sense of the established order.

And it won’t really do just to say “keep the chapters that don’t get changed.”

One of the intimidating-but-exciting changes that is happening this round is more scene-cuts and interlacing (the “braid,” CAC calls it; “writing for suspense,” Stein calls it).

This work both disrupts the established order and makes very clear what sections are useful and which have no value.

I’ve only done this for one section so far, but reading the result gave me goosebumps.

I used to be embarrassed to admit my own writing can affect me this way. It sounds very unsophisticated and self-exalting.

But at the writing conference I went to in October one of the editors basically said we need to be affected by what we write, because if we aren’t, what makes us think anyone else will be interested.

Anyway, I’m excited to have again a clear “next step.”

This time I’m planning just to write as I go, rather than trying to outline to the end.

For one thing, I’ve done that twice already, and know the process saps so much of my creative life I have no “oomph” left for actual creating of story.

And for another thing, I think it’s negatively invoking this principle. I no longer feel the need to tell once I’ve told all.

I mentioned last week how helpful it was to have Jay (in particular) to bounce things off of, but that was for twists and concepts that were half-formed and needed airing for clarity.

The current idea (and I’m nearly giddy about it– though I don’t yet know where it’ll ultimately go) dropped fully formed into my mind.

I told Jay I wouldn’t tell him this one, because I want his unprepped reaction when he discovers it.

Now if I could just find where it belongs…

It’s About Me!

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So I was back at the grocery store to check for milk that was near its sell-by date, and found a pocket of gallons that had just two days left.

We’ve continued to return since the time of the story above, and the children are in awe of the store’s “big refrigerator” they got to see once. Melody told the dairy manager it was her “favorite!” and he laughed.

“Yup,” he said, pantomiming a free-throw. “It’s big enough to play basketball in.”

I asked the lady behind the nearby counter to page the dairy manager and she got him on the intercom phone.

As I had expected, the employee on the phone looked me over. “Blond hair… glasses…”

“Three children,” I prompted, assuming that would be the main marker for him knowing who I was.

“It’s your ex-wife!” the lady said gleefully into the phone.

“No.” I said, in my firmest mom-voice.

“Oh don’t worry about it,” she said, flicking her hand at me and hanging up the phone. “He can take a good-natured ribbing. He gets me all the time.”

It’s interesting how limited some perspectives can be.

Homeschooling: Take a Deep Breath— You can do this (a book review)

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(Thank you Terrie for writing this book. It’s been a delight.)

Oodles of practical stuff here:

  • convincing people whose opinions matter to you (husband, parents, friends), and some astute observations:
    • “Emphasize that it will be very, very hard, but you are willing to make the sacrifice for the good of your children. (Say this dramatically and nobly. Practice until you can say it without giggling, because giggles ruin the effect of noble statements.)”
    • “If it’s nearly time for your husband to be home…head for the kitchen and look busy. Husbands sometimes presume that if you are relaxing when they walk in, you’ve had an easy day. Look busy.”
  • ideas for organizing all that stuff you collect to enrich the teaching experience (and the paperwork when necessary)
    • along with the friendly observation that stuff can be a security blanket
  • what jargon to use as you’re starting out
    • This was useful to me as someone looking for a simple answer to move the conversation on.
  • using pre-made lesson plans
  • creating original lesson plans and unit studies
  • sections on major subjects (math, history, etc.) that have broad application, age/grade-wise.

I also found a friendly, enthusiastic voice of experience with a values-base similar to my own.

Most of all I appreciated the attitudes expressed in the answers she offers. Among other things I can see an attitude of homeschooling being valuable work and children being worth that investment.

~

I expect I’ll be linking this review quite a bit, because this book was everything I wanted when seeking reassurance as a preparing homeschooler.

It encouraged me, gave me a boatload of practical information, and a vaguely comfortable outline both of what my days can look like in the beginning and as I go farther along the journey.

Just what I needed.

April Rain Song

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by Langston Hughes

Let the rain kiss you.
Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops
Let the rain sing you a lullaby.

The rain makes still pools on the sidewalk.
The rain makes running pools in the gutter.
The rain plays a little sleep-song on our roof at night—

And I love the rain

~ ~ ~

It’s interesting to me how much context can affect content.

I started a diary of sorts when I was 13. By the time I was 19 I had only filled one book, but was working concurrently on three others.

Without setting out this way, I had categorized my ideas and designated which book was appropriate for which thoughts.

The reason I was just thinking of this today was I was playing my Rainsong guitar and thought that would make a fun blog name, had anybody snatched it up yet?

The funny thing is that my mind immediately began to form what I would write under that heading. It felt just like a new journal always did.

~

Hughes’s poem was the first thing I thought of. My girls and I love it. The funny thing is that since song is in the title, they always stop me if I try just to read it.

The name is already taken, of course, which was probably a good thing. I need to remember what I’ve got now is enough. ;)

Wow. (Homeschooling Simplified Again)

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This (PDF) is *exactly* what I’ve been wanting to find.

I don’t know if school districts elsewhere do this, but, thankfully, mine does, and this (again) has simplified my world.

I’m sorry if that sounds like the all-consuming goal of my life just now, but it nearly is. To be able to add the necessary new things to my life (e.g., children’s schooling) with limited upheaval is *highly* desirable— at all times.

I googled my school district and found their curriculum page.

At the bottom of the list of of curriculum guides, there is a Parent Guide to Elementary Curriculum.

Just, Wow.

Talk about your checklists. And I like lists. They make comparisons so simple.

For example, I can look at goals for kindergarten Language Arts:

  • letter names
  • most sounds
  • recognize and write first name
  • begin to listen without interruption
  • express ideas through speaking, drawing, or writing
  • demonstrate awareness of relationship between speaking, writing, listening, and reading
  • hold pencil, crayon, or paintbrush correctly
  • share enthusiasm for literature

and Language Arts for 1st Grade:

  • use decoding and comprehension strategies to read and understand simple stories
  • write an original sentence beginning with a capital letter and ending with a period
  • use spelling patterns and some high frequency words
  • form manuscript letters correctly
  • speak audibly in complete sentences
  • demonstrate age appropriate listening skills

and know what I need to teach next (or first, as our case now stands).

With these lists to look at, I can quickly see that we’ve accomplished everything in the kindergarten list, and some from first grade, so we are definitely starting ahead of the curve.

~

Knowing this isn’t the case for all subjects I’ve been trying to determine what I should teach at the 1st grade level and what at kindergarten level.

At my library I had found the “Core Knowledge” books for Kindergarten and 1st grade, but trying to compare overviews (in paragraph form) and tables of contents was not really working. It was too unwieldy.

That’s why these lists earned this reaction— they were *such* a relief to find.

Another encouraging thing is that the listed points for Mathematics lend themselves, at least for my imagination, to exercises and physical activities that don’t require any textbook yet (being mostly about concepts).

This aligns with my goal of minimizing pencil-and-paper work as much as possible in the beginning.

~ ~ ~

You know, I’ve never questioned whether homeschooling was what God “wanted” us to do. Jay and I just knew we were going to teach our children.

Some people might say making that assumption was foolish.

But as I continue to prepare and (a little bit) start, I see “the floodgates of God’s mercy” opening on us, and the assurance that His provision is proceeding us here as it has led us before, guiding us on the right paths.

Call it a honeymoon if you must (though “engagement bliss” might be a more accurate term just now), but remember, please, that is something to be enjoyed— not scorned.

It exists for a good purpose.

Yes, I’m working.

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We mothers at home occasionally have to fight feeling defensive when asked if we “work.”

Sometimes I feel the the same urge to defend my writing.

With my recent explanation about my connections between music and my novel I honestly cringed at some points, expecting a voice to ask accusingly why I was wasting time linking videos or talking about my novel instead of working on it.

I felt really guilty. Because I’ve got this solid inch of paper to read and edit through, and here I am…not.

Today I talked to three different people about how I’m at this crazy crossroads with my novel. How I’ve totally revamped the time-line for a more consistent internal logic, and how I’m beginning to question the amount of spirituality conveyed or emphasized in the story.

Then with the third regurgitation (this evening, with my husband) a bunch of stuff just came completely together.

And I suddenly realized I have been working this whole time. The music, the listening, the thinking, the saying something (over and over) until it made sense.

This is how storytelling works.

You tell and retell, because it’s refined each time as your brain tweaks and keeps the best parts for the next telling.

I talked for maybe half an hour (the longest so far) about my proposed changes, and Jay didn’t have any corrections. “Sounds good,” he said. “I like it.”

I love living with someone who’s read my stuff. It makes big questions and shifts like these so much easier to talk about.

So I started writing the skeleton of changes and ended up with over 1300 words in one sitting.

I still don’t know if I’ll start working through my manuscript when my children are awake (something I’ve been avoiding so far) but at least now I know better where I’m going, and this editing isn’t just walking into a dark tunnel.

Trust me, I’m working.

The Bitter Homeschooler’s Wish List

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I’ve seen this list unattributed on at least one blog already.

If you love it and want other folks to see it, please give Deborah Markus her byline. (As a writer myself, I hope my own work will receive the same respect if it ever becomes this popular.)

A few of my favorites (and my commentary):

  • If my kid’s only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he’d learn in school, please understand that you’re calling me an idiot.
  • We didn’t go through all the reading, learning, thinking, and weighing of options that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.
  • Stop assuming that if we’re religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.
    • (Our reasons currently have more to do with relationship and academics.)
  • Stop assuming that because the word “school” is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does.
    • (One of my favorite things as a homeschooled child was the direct connection between my personal motivation/ application and the amount of time school took to finish. 9-to-noon days were my favorites, and I bragged about them.)
  • Stop saying, “Oh, I could never homeschool!” Even if you think it’s some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you’re horrified. One of these days, I won’t bother disagreeing with you.
  • If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you’re allowed to ask how we’ll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can’t, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn’t possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.
  • Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child’s teacher as well as her parent. I don’t see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.
    • (AMEN!)

There are more, and yes, they’re all that bitter or more so, but it’s nice to say to invisible enemies exactly what you’d never say to someone you actually loved, even when you wished they had the same information.

Character Songs

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One thing that always seems “magical” to me is when I hear a song (usually on the radio, but it’s also happened in a store) with a message, sound or single line that perfectly encapsulates a personality, action beat or relationship.

I initially noticed this when I was working on my first novel, and heard a line from “For the Longest Time” by Billy Joel:

And the greatest miracle of all
Is how I need you
And how you needed me too
That hasn’t happened for the longest time

It was the heart of the first part of the novel and their interaction.

So here are some highlights for my current work (don’t read anything into the videos– I never saw them before I did a search for the song itself. YouTube is an *awesome* substitute for iTunes– I just don’t watch while I’m listening if it’s for the sound, like here).

I guess I’m more auditory than visual, because if I’m going to be imagining for a while, it’s with music rather than images. I think these examples hint at the individual conflicts of interest that arise in my novel.

Includes the lines,

“…I feel so small and bewildered…
Tell me that you love me, tell me that you want me
Even if I’m not all you thought I would be.
Tell me that … you’ll catch me when I fall.”

Cecilia is the bride arranged for the crown prince Torbjorn, and I love this sweet wistful song for her. Torb doesn’t have a song of his own yet, but (jokingly) I’ve assigned him “I knew I loved you before I met you,” as his relationship song, because he’s that kind of guy— one who makes up his mind and that’s the way it is.