Category Archives: Observations

Submission

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I am so… tied up with the fine degrees of my understanding of certain words and concepts I think I get myself into trouble.

Example:
I really like the way the authors of this book explain what submission is in marriage. They don’t say it’s not part of the job description (what I’m beginning to think people hear when I try to explain it), they say submission is not the woman’s role.

So often in the descriptions I hear, husbands (not just *men*) are to lead and wives are to submit (only to their own husband but that’s another post). These statements are biblical enough, but to line them up in parallel to each other, makes them sound like the two primary jobs.

My quibble just comes in the application of the words. Leading is action, something to do. Submission is a reaction. Not a doing.

There are those who will argue that is the whole point. I argue a not isn’t how you define a role. A role is something you do. Continue reading »

About Debates

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I really waffle on the whole debate thing. I mentioned in my previous post that I don’t like debates. But there are times when I feel strongly about something, and I don’t know exactly why. I’ve found myself picking fights (excuse me) encouraging debate on these topics because I want to figure out why.

One example is Churchy issues. I won’t make a list here, but there are several places where I (because of the tradition I grew up in) differ from a number of people in my circle of friends. Some of them actually went to Bible School/Bible College (where my dad says they learned their stance. “Students tend to end up thinking like their teachers.” I pointed out the same holds true for us too). So they (seem to) feel absolutely confident in what they believe, and sometimes will even articulate with great lucidity (I like that word) why their view is true and/or reality from their point of view.

This showed me there are a couple ways to approach/use controversial topics. One is to explain the issue/topic using arguments and evidence, and one is to explain reality through the issue/topic. (Use the Creation/Evolution debate for your clarifying example here.)

Anyway. I have not been to Bible College, so I don’t have neatly packaged explanations for what I (think I) believe. But I do have a reasonable background in the Bible and have had the privilege to listen to people more articulate and experienced than me. So sometimes, when an issue arises, I punch out that I have a different view that makes me see reality *this* way, so can you show me why my view is inaccurate? Or, “This is why your view seems wrong to me. Did I misunderstand?”

This is when I like a debate. I like to find out if I have a reason for believing something. If they have a reason for believing what they believe, and whether those reasons are convincing.

The main difficulty that seems to grow from this is when the person I’m speaking with feels threatened or feels we are entering a competition. Then all the usefulness/fun is gone. Either they passively won’t engage (which drives me *nuts*!) or the interaction becomes much too high-stakes for my purposes. I really don’t expect they will change my mind.

Maybe I am trying to change theirs. But mostly, I think I’m asking for rain on my roof, so I can find the leaks. I’m not likely to move, but I’d hate to be living under a holey roof if a real storm came, so I’m trying to get things repaired now.

Trolls (or) The Point of “Comments” on a Blog

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This is a funny thing to write about, I guess, not having many comments/commenters. I’m just exploring the theoretical, I guess.

One of the blogs I visited referred to the… dissenters/antagonists/devil’s advocates– whatever you want to call them– as trolls. Individuals feeding/acknowledging the debate were said to be “trolling” (a fishing term originally, isn’t it?) or “feeding the trolls.”

One of those labeled a troll took offense and asked if anyone who disagreed is automatically a troll, which I thought was a good question. He then asked if all the writer wanted was affirmation from her readers. Agreement and no discussion. Also good questions.

The answers would depend on the purpose of the blog I suppose.

For a “personal” blog I think any negative comments could be labeled trollish.

For an issues blog it gets more hazy. Some people like/want a debate, and opponents are not only welcome but needed (especially ones in a hurry, who type before they plan and put forward easily-beatable arguments. Those must be especially welcome).
Some issues blogs are more about discussion, rather than debate. With these I would tend to see the original post as a sort of maypole. This is the rooted topic that the comments wrap around and refer back to. At this type of blog I would consider trolling to be either trying to chop down the maypole (uproot/discredit the original post) or draw the attention off the topic (or the author’s treatment of it) and/or onto the troll’s self (or the troll’s treatment of the topic).

My favorite blogs are the first and third kind. Debates seem to me to be mostly an avenue to “Vent your folly,” since I’ve never heard of a debate that changed any of the debaters’ minds. It is a wonderful exercise to show how educated you are (and display opposing views in a hurry), but if one is trying to educate/influence others I’ve heard there are more effective ways.

“Bless the Children”?

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Bless the children for they are the light
They are the truth of spirit in flight

–From Celine Dion’s song Prayer

These sentiments (a staple, it seems for songwriters and poets) always made me uncomfortable as a child. I felt alternately empowered and intimidated.

Intimidated, because how on God’s green earth was I (I took many things very personally as a child) going to fix all the things that needed fixing in this world. Especially if the (as I saw them) all-powerful grown-ups hadn’t been able to do it, how could I?

Who needs that much pressure?

Later, as an adolescent, then even more so as a young adult, the way certain people would talk actually made me feel “past my prime.” At age 18, I was distinctly aware I was no longer in the group of children-with-unlimited-potential. I was just another person. For a (very short) while I even felt sad that I’d somehow “missed my chance.”

I’ve come to see this view of children as flawed in several ways

  1. It is vaguely heretical (“They are the light/ They are the truth…”)
  2. It illogically expects a new product from the same assembly line
  3. It creates the feeling (conscious or not) that we adults are better than any previous generation because we will finally create the perfect environment to raise up these little messiahs.

After all, what happened to our shot as saving the world? Why haven’t generations of children before us done all that needs to be done?

The answer: “We/They weren’t allowed/empowered/equipped enough to do it,” reveals our formerly unadvertised sense of superiority. “They will succeed,” the voices say, “Because we are different. We won’t trample their divine spark, but fan it into flame.” Continue reading »

“Imaginary” good and evil

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From Phillip Yancy: (though most of it isn’t his, I got it from his article).

Simone Weil said imaginary evil, such as that portrayed in books, television shows, and movies, “is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.”

This, I have learned, is one of the hardest things about writing (and reading too). It falls into the same category as a discussion I heard/read somewhere about how much easier it is to maintain your image if you are an “evil” leader, than if you are a “good” leader.

The argument goes: For the former, everything you do reinforces your image– who you are (Even the “good” you may choose to do sets your people on edge, because everybody’s wondering what’s really going on, or when the other shoe will drop.); while, for the latter, no matter what you do, someone will be unhappy, and you will lose your reputation of “goodness.”

Most people today call Jesus a “good teacher” (if nothing more), and leave it at that (“How can anyone have a problem with a man going around telling everyone to love each other?”). But, other writers have pointed out, most people in Jesus’s day had very strong feelings about him. And not all of those positive.

~~~

Getting back to the original quote, I’ve always wondered how best to make Good and Right as complex and alive as all the bad that must inevitably be in a good story.

I think it was my husband that pointed out one element of this difficulty: Everyone has encountered evil. Many of them intense evil. Far fewer have noticed a good on that scale.

I’m not saying it isn’t there (though I can think of several cases where even I, on the outside, can’t see it), but good does not usually impress itself so unignorably on the individual as evil does.

“Held”

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I’m pretty sure this song is well known (for such an un-descriptive title I was interested to find it was the #1 in relevance at iTunes), but, for the sake of this “discussion,” here are the lyrics.

In itself the song makes very little sense. It’s been called a “tearjerker” by at least one reviewer, and, while it’s never made me cry, I can understand how it got the label.

Having just lost my grandmother, I am learning that all those movies that never affected me before might have lacked potency because I had no resonating event.  It is taking less and less to trigger a resonance now.

The lyrics begin as if they are going to tell a story, introducing a tragic event, and some thoughts about the situation. But rather than offer a resolution you hear the chorus:

This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

This is what? That question is not answered anywhere in the song. It is very dream-like and full of images, but no answers.

I’ve decided I like the song (it intrigued me before, since I only heard it on the radio, and kept wondering if I’d missed some key line, hearing no resolution). And I think it is the sorrowing people who are the “answer” to the This is.

I am exhibit A.

This is what it means …
How it feels… This is what it is to be loved
And to know…

My analyzer-side really likes that chorus. I’ve sat, quietly and alone (during nap-time) and listened to those words, feeling what I’m feeling and musing, So this is how it feels, hmm?.

…The promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

It’s simple, nothing new or earth-shattering, but still, it resonates.

And that works for me right now.

Better than I thought

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I added it up today, and I guess I do read an hour (or more) to my kids most days. One more thing from my wish-list. Pretty cool.

And (small hallelujah) Jay’s agreed I can start looking for a dog in the spring. Specifically on my birthday. That will give us more time for deciding just what we’re looking for, and praying to find just the right one. And for Elisha to get bigger.

And if I can find an EOW (every-other-week) babysitter for Monday mornings I’ll be able to take a piano class at the U. (One woman has already agreed to do EOW, so I just have to find an alternate.) I figure the pressure of weekly lessons will be good for encouraging more consistent progress; I’ve been treading water.

I was debating between this and voice lessons for a while there, then found I have to be somewhat proficient in piano as a prereq. for voice (I have to be able to teach and drill myself on my own). So that solved that dilemma in a hurry.

Baby Steps

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When you (or, at least I) take a good hard look at yourself and your “spiritual life” (for lack of a better term) you will inevitably find somewhere you fall short.

The catch-22 of course is that if you don’t (have this disappointing epiphany), there’s another type of trouble brewing, and I hope you don’t find out too painfully.

I won’t bother making a list of my shortcomings here (NOYB, and having more people know them won’t help me anyway), but I do want to set up an “Ebenezer” for what I am beginning as a result.

Jay and I have started the Navigator’s Topical Memory System. It’s given me more focus for what I teach the girls, and it gives Jay and me some structure (a plan) for our own memorizing.

It was a “random” find during an alone outing at the Christian book store. Once I saw it (a little package with the plan and a fat book of perforated cards) the appropriateness of the project really grew on me.

Jay and I have been talking about our respective shortcomings and what we should do about them (only our own– we’re not picking at each other). We knew what we aught to do, of course; the trouble, as it always is, was doing it.

Or, rather, doing it ALL. It’s very easy to say: I need to pray more, read the bible more, wait quietly (HA!) on God more, etc. The difficulty is the same as that of trying to start every self-improvement project on January first:

This year I will eat five fruits and veggies daily, make one new dish a week, exercise aerobically for 45-min at least 3 days a week, pick up and put away everything I’m using before I move on to the next project, wash the evening’s dishes before sitting down to relax after dinner, read to the children at least an hour a day, implement Flylady/SHE/organizing strategy of choice. Oh, and brush the dog/cat/squirrel at least once a week to cut back on the amount of hair culled in my daily vacuuming sessions.

Believe me, if I could do all that, I would be sooo happy…

But I can’t, so I work on having dinner ready when Jay get’s home, and making my house a no-yell zone.

Those two things go a long way toward making home a peaceful place.

And starting with scripture memory is a natural and appropriate step toward more consistent and scriptural living. One problem with growing up knowing “everything” you’re supposed to be doing, but not necessarily how to do it all, is that you know how far you have to go, rather than celebrating how far you’ve come.

I have cleared my kitchen counter for nearly a week now. I feel so together.

I have reminded myself that the old has gone the new has come, more times now than I remember. It is an encouraging thought promise.

Boredom

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I’ve started reading Peter Kreeft’s The Angels and the Ants again (didn’t finish it the first time). I’m not Catholic (Kreeft is), but I like the way this guy thinks; this is the most useful book about combining sanctity with daily living that I have ever found. One chapter is entitled, How to Become a Saint While Changing Diapers. I’ll probably share some excerpts from that one later.
I started typing this excerpt to respond to another blog, and decided to include it here (in a more complete/expanded form), since I was writing it up already.

~~~

From the chapter entitled:

Boredom.

Every serious social problem that is tearing our society, our families, and our lives apart today– drugs, promiscuity, violence, infidelity, divorce– can be explained by this motive…

Here is an amazing fact: “The word boredom did not enter the language until the eighteenth century. No one knows its etymology,” according to the acclaimed novelist Walker Percy in Lost in the Cosmos.

Almost the same thing can be said of atheism: it hardly existed at all before the eighteenth century.

The relation between the two is evident: Only God and the attributes of God– Love, wisdom, beauty, joy holiness– are infinite and inexhaustible; therefore, without God everything is eventually boring.

Weren’t people bored before the eighteenth century? They got tired of cutting wood for ten hours, but they didn’t get tired of everything. That’s what boredom means.

The only possible explanation for this modern madness is this: It is not the world that is boring, but the self. Since it simply isn’t true that everything real, everything in objective reality, is boring, therefore the source of boredom must be within. The bored self projecting it’s own inner emptiness onto reality…. It reduces the big world to a small world by projecting its own littleness onto its world…

Heaven is not boring. In fact, only heaven (and heaven’s colonies on earth) is not boring…

The alternative to boredom, the cure for boredom and the cure for all the ills of the modern world that are rooted in boredom– is sanctity.

Sanctity– a relationship with God– is essentially letting God be present, letting heaven rule its colonies, establishing the kingdom of heaven on earth, in human hearts and human lives. Sanctity is essentially “the practice of the presence of God,” as Br. Lawrence put it in the title of his little classic.

Saints “do all for the glory of God” (1 Cor 10:31). Sanctity is not only willing to do God’s will, it is also thinking God’s thoughts. We are to love God with our whole mind as well as our whole heart (Mt 22:37). Sanctity means seeing everything has a purpose– in fact, that everything has the same purpose, that “all things work together for good” (Rom 8:28); and that that purpose is the most joy-filled, glory-weighted purpose any heart has ever imagined: receiving and giving back infinite, absolute, unconditional divine love forever.

~end of excerpt~

This is definitely a challenge to examine ourselves before we complain of our environment.

I am Such a *Writer*

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(Also posted at Family News)

Do you ever find (if you’re not a swear-er, especially) that certain words escape as if you were swearing?

My 87-year-old grandmother (I guess you could say we’re close) has been in the hospital via the emergency room since late Friday night. I spent most of Saturday at her bedside, keeping her company while folks tried to figure out how to “fix” her (she’d been ailing since Sunday, and it finally came to a head).

The whole time I was juggling my Mama (10-week-old Elisha was with me) and Granddaughter hats, my mind, against all my attempts to ration my frazzled resources, continued to frame how best to put the experience into words.

Made me positively angry.