Monthly Archives: April 2007

The Things I Hate.

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Just now I have only a few things on my mind, but perhaps I’ll add to this later.

I’m talking here about… local things; things I have seen/participated in, rather than the huge things like genocide and child abuse.

(I’d hope those things can go without saying.)

Because today they’re on my mind:

  1. Smashing cake in your beloved’s face, on the day you vowed before God and Man to honor and cherish him/her until death. I think something dies there. Starting with trust.
  2. Making course jokes about the wedding night at a bridal shower. I *hate* watching something sacred made cheap. Especially when it’s done at one person’s expence (e.g. embarrassing the bride).
    1. This is simply unkindness, and has no place among true friends. I’m sorry to say I’ve seen this more than once.
    2. Clue: if the bride’s toes are curling, you’ve already gone too far
  3. (Speaking of “things sacred”) Saying to a mother marveling over the perfection of her newborn, “Hard to believe she’s just a little sinner, huh.” (I’m happy to say I’ve never actually heard this from someone with children of their own).
  4. People saying, “I bet you’ll be glad when they go off to school!” I look these people in the eye and say I’m planning to homeschool. This seems to flummox them into complements for some reason.

I’m happy to say only 3 and 4 have happened to me personally, but you may guess I take flack as a wet blanket on the other two.

I’ve noticed with 1 and 2 people either agree with me or don’t understand why it’s such a big deal. I try to explain my reasoning graciously, and find some people have never thought of it that way before.

Some people get defensive, but those are the types where I tend to question their definition of fun.

If you find pleasure in other people’s discomfort it’s time to reevaluate.

Fighting in Marriage

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I was Stumbling around and came across these rules for fighting fair in marriage.

Because of my background, very little on this topic is ever new to me, I’ve been around the material so long it begins to all sound familiar (in the same way that few sermons are very new to me).

I think you music types get this feeling when you’re familiar with a composer.

Anyway, I wanted to highlight it, because I thought the article was well done, and because one thought was wholly new to me:

5. If your spouse says you do, then it’s true
When confronted with an issue, your first response may be to hide behind statements such as, “No I don’t” or “You’re just exaggerating.” When your mate states that you’re doing something irritating, trust him or her. Consciously choose to look past your defensive walls and ask your spouse, “Why does this bother you?” Then listen to what is being said. Try to see his or her point of view, and be willing to change for the good of your marriage.

Just something new for me to think about.

Letting the Cork Out

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More than once I have seen the advice about keeping your writing projects to yourself.

The idea runs that if you are impelled to write about something, but talk about it before you write it, the writing may never happen.

There are a couple explanations for this:

  • The psyche’s subconscious need to tell the story/information has been satisfied
  • You use up your enthusiasm talking, and have no energy left for writing
  • You begin doubting the idea and self-editing before you even start

This “dire” warning weighs on my mind occasionally, for more than one reason.

First of all, I can see that it’s right. I can use talking about (and organizing) my writing projects to avoid actually working on them. Or I’ll feel an element of one or all of the bulleted points above.

The other reason I think about it is because it doesn’t apply to me.

Yeah. Makes sense to me too.

I’ve said before I process by working through (talking– or writing– about). Writing as a Second Language promotes a corner of the way I think: hash it it the the language you know best (speech) and that will help refine it your second language (print).

The question I face is, How do I reconcile my personality with the prudence to be more closed about my work?

To learn internal processing makes the most sense.

Yeah…I’m working on that…

(Starting a new project. Not going to tell you about it. ;) )

Here comes the wedding night…

(Information for the virgin bride-to-be)

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Let’s see, how shall I begin?

I am so proud of you, that you’ve decided to maintain your virginity until you are married.

While it is true that millions (billions, more likely) of young brides have eventually “figured all this out” on their own, it really is a disservice to you not to share the simple, practical things we “older brides” have learned.

If you choose to read-on, know that plain-speaking commences immediately. Continue reading »

Now the Babies (a discussion about sign language)

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Speaking of Sign Language, I am a big cheerleader for anybody who wants to sign with their baby.

I think teaching a child to sign “please” (flat hand circling on the chest) substantially reduces the amount of whining pre-verbal babies engage in.

My belief is that the majority of whining from older babies is the result of frustration.

The child knows what she wants, but has no way to ask for it.

My WFMW tip this week is to depart from “Sign with your Baby” curricula at two points.

  1. Teach your child “please” instead of “more.” They function the same way for the child, but “please” introduces that important word sooner, and in my experience is better for the grown-ups’ sensibilities.
  2. Make a special effort to help the child absorb “please” for an automatic response. Set up situations and move the child’s hand yourself while you show him how you want the sign used.

This differs from the way you’re “supposed” to teach signs.

Garcia (the author of one baby signing book) insists that one should allow the signs to develop naturally– as spoken words do– by the child mimicking the adult in his or her own time.

In my experience (maybe I’ve just never waited long enough) I’ve never seen a child take up using a spoken please without coaching and prompting from the parent, so I see no inconsistency in “making” a child sign “please.”

When I was 18 I “trained” my 9-month-old niece in about 15-minutes with a bowl of fruit loops.

I would not make the same decision today as a mother ;o)

It was very Pavlovian, I admit, but the reduction in whining and the sweetness that developed along with her ready and eager “please” convinced me she was improved rather than scarred by it.

As a side-note she did eventually learn “more” somewhere, and there was a real distinction in attitude for how they were used, confirming for me the desirability of “please” as a substitute, in the beginning especially.

Make it Better

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I once admitted to my mom that I sometime feel I could fix nearly any challenging situation if I could just find the right story to tell the people being the problem.

My difficulty just seems to be finding that perfect story.

She laughed and said it was better than thinking I could fix any problem if I just had a big enough stick.

The Dispute in Sign Language– a Tuesday Tale

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A lowly chicken farmer agreed reluctantly agreed to engage in a debate with the king of the land.

Arriving with one of his chickens in the basket on his back, the Jewish man knew that this was only an attempt to justify the king’s desire to expel all the Jews from his realm.

Approaching the throne the poor man saw the king rise and show one finger.

Stopping where we was, the chicken farmer responded by holding out two fingers.

The king seemed surprised, but continued by holding out a lump of cheese. The Jew replied by showing the king an egg.

Next, the king reached into his pocket and scattered a handful of grain.

The chicken farmer then released a hen from the basket on his back and watched her eat every seed.

“You have answered well,” the king said, breaking his silence. “In all justice I must allow your people to remain.”

Confused but relieved the poor man left, richly rewarded, and the courtiers clambered for the king to explain the exchange.

“First I held up one finger, claiming there is but one king. The Jew recognized the near-blasphemy it was and rightly countered with his two fingers that there are two kings, one in Heaven.

“Second I held out a lump of cheese that he should divine if it came from a black or brown goat. He held up an egg to counter with the question of whether it came from a white or golden hen.

“Finally, I threw out the grain to remind him how scattered and abandoned are the Jews, and he set loose his hen to remind me that the Messiah will return to gather all his people.”

Back in the Jewish quarter The chicken farmer gave his version of the events.

“First he stuck out one finger, as if to warn me he’d put out one of my eyes, so I held up two fingers, to say I’d take both of his eyes if he tried.

“Then he showed me a lump of cheese to remind me I was poor and needed his help, so I took an egg out of my pocket to show him I don’t need his charity.

“In the end he threw a bunch of grain on the floor, and I thought, Best to not let it go to waste...”

A Poem

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My Work
Henry Van Dyke

Let me do my work from day to day,
In fields or forests, at the desk or loom,
In roaring market place or tranquil room.
Let me find it in my heart to say,
When vagrant wishes beckon me astray,
“This is my work – my blessing, not my doom –
Of all who live I am the only one by whom
this work can best be done in my own way.”
Then I shall see it, not too great or small,
To suit my spirit and arouse my powers.
Then shall I cheerfully greet the laboring hours,
And cheerfully turn, when long shadows fall
at eventide, to play and love and rest,
Because I know for me my work was best.

 

Great exchange from a good book.

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I just finished reading The Light of Eidon, one of the books I got this weekend from the library.

It is an intriguing addition to the world of allegorical fantasy, and pretty well carried off.

In an attempt to share my favorite segment from the book, I have to share the framework of the story, so if you think you wouldn’t guess the spiritual end of the protagonist (Abramm) consider this your spoiler warning.

~ ~ ~

Abramm, known as “The Pretender” for the two years he was a gladiator, is newly converted to the faith of “the dying god,” and faces a 200-year-old warrior king in mortal combat.

With only 1-percent of his opponent’s experience, Abramm knows there is no natural reason he should even survive, much less triumph.

He advances, praying this act of his infant faith really is Eidon’s will.  If it is, Abramm trusts that somehow his God will fight for him.

The king, Beltha’adi, is preternaturally sustained in his prime by the malevolent power that he worships, and obviously considers himself immortal.

The fight is not over swiftly, and surprisingly it is Abramm that lets the first blood.

…only a tiny cut, but Beltha’adi lurched back with a curse. It wasn’t from the pain, but from the indignity of of being the first one blooded– him who had expected not to be blooded at all.

They circled again.

“You’re good Pretender,” Beltha’adi grated, “but you’re only flesh. And flesh isn’t good enough to stand against a god.”

Abramm kept his gaze fixed on Beltha’adi’s.

“No,” he agreed. “It’s not.”

Best line in the whole book (not to diminish the book).

Loved it.

So many books…

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…so little time.

My Library has (as they say) joined the 21st century.

In addition to an on-line catalog and a list of my books (sorted by due date), the library now provides a means to renew and reserve materials on-line.

I have fallen in love with the reserve feature, as I’ve been looking for titles to expand my book-100.

Now when I see a book or series recommended, I will go to my library’s page and reserve it if it’s in their system. They pull the book from whatever its home library is, and send it to the one I visit.

Lovely system, having the books waiting for me when I walk in.

The only difficulty is on days like today, when I come home with 5 items and suffer the question of where to start.

It’s a relief too, though, to even have that choice.

I think the last novel I’ve read all the way through was The Sherwood Ring and that was a whole month ago. I keep starting things and being disgusted or bored and unwilling to waste my time on something I don’t find delightful.

“Life is short enough,” you know?

Of course, this is the reason my mom says she won’t read/watch anything she knows is sad, no matter how highly I recomend them.

While I agree with her to an extent, there are some things I’ve read where I felt that the beauty in/despite the sadness was worth it.

That said, I now have a collection of “pre-Islamic” tales from Persia, and two novels, all of which look very promising.