Daily Archives: February 11, 2007

Ministering to my Husband

I “let” my husband go out snowmachining today, and have seen such provision throughout today that I had another revelation.  Sort-of tied to my post below.

Partly I think that God is easing my way so that I’ll be more willing to allow Jay his own “Daddy-time,” and largely I’ve been thinking of what a gift it will be to Jay when he comes home (doubtless *exhausted*) and I can tell him that we had a very nice day.

I thought again about how I send up little popcorn prayers when I’ve left him with all three kids (not often– I usually take the baby) and how it is just the cap on a good evening to know things were peaceful while I was gone.

Helping my Husband Help Me
or Setting Him Up for Success

Having store-bought bread doesn’t make my husband appreciate homemade bread more. Having *homemade* bread makes him appreciate homemade bread more.

I was just giving someone advice today about not making Daddy’s time alone with the kids a negative thing, and it got me thinking.

The Argument

There seems to be a school of thought that Mom should leave the kids with Dad whenever she feels like it, and if things fall apart or are really hard for the guy, that somehow this will make him appreciate her more, because he will now “identify” with what she (as a mom) goes through. These invisibles also imply the father will or should subject himself to this repeatedly.

Apparently this is a way to “prove” his love to you and/or his offspring.

I think this is incredibly unfair.

For one thing, most dads don’t have that presence like a mother’s that can near-instantly calm a child. Do you ever wonder why Dad’s always passing the kid back to Mom? Because it *works* that’s why!

So, anything Dad’s doing, especially with very young children, will be harder for him than for Mom. Also, unless he’s a SAHD, there’s no way he’ll have internalized preferences and schedules like the Mom, has. This is another strike against him.

It’s still fine to leave him alone in charge of the kids, it is still good for him, and for Mom, but for it all to go well (and happen again with minimum resistance) a little planning should be involved: Continue Reading →