Ya gotta clean when the Spirit says clean…
If you ever have the good fortune to feel like it, don’t pass it up!
Monthly Archives: September 2006
Is “homemaking” enough or isn’t it? (Pt. 3 of 4)
Monday I got a call from a woman I had offered to help. She needed assistance carrying some heavy water jugs before they froze, and I had told her to call when she wanted me to come out. The freeze the night before prompted her call, so I asked when she wanted me to come (mentally trying to work out when I could).
She hedged. Apparently she also had some shopping she needed done (“Just 7 items!”), and that was more important to her. Some of them had to do with pain management. I was in something of a brain-fog (another story) and so stuck with the basics: I couldn’t do the shopping, but when did she need help with the water? She basically said that the drive wasn’t worth it just for the water (“I’ll have whoever brings the shopping help with the water. That’s what’s really needed now.”). So the conversation ended.
I realized, belatedly, that it might have helped to point out that shopping (for 7 or 27 items) with 3 children under 4 is much more challenging than a drive and outdoor work.
~~~
Returning to the talk of “Seasons,” there are obviously things that will be easier to do when the children are older, and, like I mentioned yesterday, there’s at least one type of ministry that’s easier when the kids are young.
Interestingly enough, it’s what I’m already doing. Sharing conversation, counsel and encouragement with other women. Mentally reviewing the topics that continually come up, like birth control and relationship issues, I’ve repeatedly been thankful my children are young enough that I can speak plainly about certain things. And I have wondered what (or how) I will change when that is no longer possible.
Peter Kreeft (whose The Angel and the Ants I’ve quoted a few times here) points out that “our individual personal bent or desire or instincts” are worth considering when making decisions.
I have a (well-known) “personal bent” towards talking and generally thinking aloud. This has proven useful in a number of cases where I believe God used me to teach or encourage others. This, most frequently, is the type of ministry I see myself engaging in during this season of parenting (you see I really don’t mind the word… just my first impression of it).
God has brought other people across my path and into my home, feeding my own hunger for conversation, along with allowing me to encourage others.
~~~
Inevitably it comes down to remembering (and seeking) to be sensitive to God’s leading, both in timing and in type.
I remind myself that if I’m paying attention I have no reason to feel I’m going to miss something. If I feel I am going to miss something, that just means I’m being messed with (weariness can do a number…), and– assuming I’m still being attentive– I need to just get my mind off myself, and trust my faithful God to direct me where he wants me to go.
Is “homemaking” enough or isn’t it? (Pt. 2 of 4)
Jay was having a tough stretch at work, a couple weeks of no progress on an important project. It was a Tuesday evening, and through a (what I believe was a God-ordained) fluke, everything at home was perfect:
Elisha slept all afternoon, so I was able to clean the kitchen; the girls wanted to dress-up and dance (which we all did); and then we had to clear the living room to make room for dancing (to praise music, at their request); then we were all tired at the same time and I started dinner while they played (nicely!) together.
They “helped” me make biscuits while I made soup for dinner, and Jay opened the door right as the timer went off on the biscuits. I was dressed nicely (which Jay always enjoys), worship music was playing, the girls were laughing together, and our home was the peaceful, joyful haven Jay had needed at that exact moment.
It was all so perfect I tried to make it happen again the next couple evenings, but it didn’t, and that just drove home for me that it was a special grace given to us for that needy time.
This is the image I return to when I question if I’m not focused enough on my home: the reality that God gives gifts and abilities where and when they are needed. That he provides for those challenging times. (That evening happened not long after my Grandmother died, and I think God was encouraging me as much as for my husband in helping me create a peaceful home).
Sometimes I wonder if I never read (for just myself) or wrote, whether my house would be maintained at a higher level. The answer has to be yes, if only from a mathematical standpoint, but I have to wonder if the amount of improvement would be worth what I’d have to give up.
So far, I’m thinking, No.
~~~
Side note: I recognize that everyone needs some time to recharge, or there will be nothing to give, but I get prickly when women start getting off on claims (demands) that they deserve this or that. Half the time it seems like I’m hearing, “I want it, therefore I deserve it.”
This is not automatically true.
~~~
For now I think I’m reasonably balanced. My problem, I think, is that the criteria for defining the balance are nonexistent. At least, I haven’t found them yet.
One nice thing about nursing a baby is that I get several automatic slots each day to sit and do my own thing. (Natasha, like many older siblings, started “nursing” her dolls after her little sister was born. Essential to her ritual, copying me, was having a book in front of her on the couch.)
With this baby I write, like now, when nursing. So my way of doing something ‘for me’ doesn’t take away from the kids. If I confine my writing. And I don’t always.
“Seasons” has a good application in this way. There are definitely some types of service that are easier when your children are older. Hmmm, actually, there’s at least one type that’s easier when your kids are younger too.
(More on those next time.)
Is “homemaking” enough or isn’t it? (Pt. 1 of 4)
This post got really long, so I’ll divide it up over the next few days
The Question
Advocates/encouragers of full-time, at-home moms repeatedly emphasize the work these (we) women do is valuable and worthy of their (our, my) talents. That it is enough of a job to be “just” home, without any outside work.
Then why is it not enough ministry to “just” be raising your children in a godly way? Why is “outside” ministry (working in the church, volunteering around town, sharing your talents/ giftings with others) still necessary?
I don’t know the answer.
There are those who say it is enough– though it’s usually emphasized that our responsibility varies depending on what “season” of parenting you’re in.
The idea my “season” in life excuses me, bothers me. Because it implies I’m buried (and therefore excused) now, and will have more time later; that my mode of doing will change as my children are less “demanding.” But the reality is that all three are mostly past that stage (of perpetually time-sucking).
They all play independently (otherwise, how could I clean house, or write?), and are very good for their age at waiting and deferring gratification. Sometimes I think they are advanced for their age, and other times I just enjoy it.
Because of their level(s) of independence, I feel am already at that time to question where is my balance between service and selfishness. (Though I suppose there is room somewhere for self in between those…) The question goes like this: Since I really don’t feel (perpetually) stretched by them now, does that mean I’m doing less now than I could (should)?
A unique look at some mutt-mixes
From Mutts: America’s Dogs that I mentioned earlier:
- The Chesapeake Bay Retriever mix: A lab in a Leather Jacket
- The Golden retriever-setter mix: If it’s Irish or Gordon setter, beware a beauty over brains blend
- Lab-Australian Sheppard mix: “A young lab is a runaway boxcar and an Aussie outfits the chassis with Boeing engines. This dog has to have something to do…Something. Anything. Repeat often until tired. (Warning: you will tire far sooner than the dog.)”
- Irish Setter mix: the gorgeous airhead of the dog world.
- Greyhound-Lab mix: A beautiful creature mentally, physically, and spiritually, unless you’re a squirrel. Continue reading
How do you *think* when you’re tired?
You know how, when people are explaining dreams, they say your brain never stops working?
Well, I am currently sleep-deprived (most half of it my fault), and my brain is starting to act like an Australian Shepard/Border collie mix tied to a kennel with a four-foot chain (if you’d read as many breed reviews as I have in the last week you’d have a deeper appreciation for the analogy).
Today was library day with my mom. She comes over every Thursday morning to do stuff with the kids. I wanted to pick up The Overload Syndrome, that I started reading months ago (even quoted it in an early blog post). They couldn’t find it, so I picked up a few dog books instead.
Ended up zoning my way through most of Mutts: America’s Dogs this afternoon, which is a surprisingly well-written exploration of how dog breeds present when combined without human direction.
I plan to do a whole post of excerpts, in a day or so (if I think of it and simultaneously have time), just because the analogies were so fun (only example I can think of off the top of my head: Golden retriever + Collie= Valley Girl marries Forest Gump, good natured, all-around good citizen, intelligence hit-or-miss; something like that).
I can’t remember ever laughing so hard reading a dog book.
My 3-year-old kept asking what was so funny, and how do do you explain (even to a somewhat precocious almost-4-year-old) how original these metaphors are. She’d look at the b&w pix illustrating the book and try to act like she understood why they were that funny. A little sad really. Children want so much to be like their parents…. Continue reading
Children a Requirement?
There’s a very interesting discussion going on over at this post at Becky’s blog. I entered tentatively into the discussion, since I felt I had something to add, offering a scriptural reason (permission?) for “choosing” the size of my family rather than “letting God.” Not sure of the readers’ response I think I went in a little defensively.
I interpret the managing my household bit of 1 Tim 5:14 to include choosing the number of children for my family. Some definitions of “manage”: to take charge or care of: to manage my investments, to dominate or influence.
“Taking charge” of the number of children, I think, is appropriate. I do this asking God’s wisdom and blessing in making that decision, and this is exactly the way I chose to marry my husband. You ladies that “knew from the first date,” or felt God tell you, This is the man! are very blessed. So am I. God actually left the decision to me. He leaves it to all of us. This is why it’s called *free will*. Free will does not automatically equal sinful will.
I believe as long as I am seeking God and remaining open to his leading, I am in obedience.
Right now I have three children. My body has markedly deteriorated (become weaker) with each pregnancy, and I’m only 27. I was unable to properly care for my family several times during pg #3, and if my desire is to best serve my family, “another baby for the Kingdom” is not the right way at this time. And it may never be again. I don’t know yet.
Becky then pointed out the point of her discussion wasn’t “full-quiver” (which I don’t subscribe to, and was vaguely arguing against) but rather the idea that every Christian couple is called to have child(ren), for X,Y,Z reasons, outlined pretty thoroughly in the comments section.
I feel less-defensive about this, not in a small way because I think children cause most parents to mature in ways they never knew they needed to. But I’m still a little uncomfortable with the idea that everyone who can has to.
The scripture that seems used most frequently is Genesis 1:28, that starts out,
God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth…”
As far as I can tell, the people who use this verse seem to apply it individually, that the call to be fruitful applies to each of us, especially as Christians. But I don’t hear anybody calling up Christians to individually complete the responsibility of the rest of the verse:
Rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and every creature that crawls [a] on the earth.
Where is the shock– the calls to accountability!– that we’ve allowed Evolution-promoting biologists and mere entertainers to take over our God-mandated role of studying and training lions, whales, puppies and snails?
The only response I can think of is that the command– the whole command– was given to mankind. The group. And from my limited perspective (minus the evolution-pushing) those biologists are doing reasonably well. And the earth is getting “fuller” every day, from what I hear, so that command is also being carried out.
—
So if we’re going to argue the for-everyone bit (that each couple needs to have kids if they physically can), I think it’d be more intellectually honest/consistent to leave Genesis 1:28 out of this. Continue reading
Who’s the Accessory?
Two springs ago I was the enchantress in a local production of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. Pretty cool. Got to wear a fabulous dress on-stage (for less-than two minutes).
What I observed after each show– dozens of little girls mobbing “Belle,” and the disenchanted prince being ignored entirely– made me see how different the roles of men and women are in different genres.
In the most popular fairy tales (think of the most well-known, the most-frequently retold), the man is the female lead’s accessory. Neither Belle nor Disney’s Cinderella address their princes by name. I can’t remember about Snow White.
Theirs is the fantasy of many females: to be the gorgeous center of attention. The man is useful, of course. He somehow signifies the princess has “won,” and (one assumes) he’ll be her devoted adorer even after everyone in the glorious finale has gone back to their own lives.
In contrast, many (most?) action-oriented movies cast the always beautiful woman as the male lead’s accessory. I’ll easily admit I’m not as familiar with this genre, so I may be proven wrong, but one example I can offer for this is Sahara. The leading lady was sometimes interesting, but from a storytelling perspective she existed mainly to allow our leading man to be heroic. Continue reading
About Debates
I really waffle on the whole debate thing. I mentioned in my previous post that I don’t like debates. But there are times when I feel strongly about something, and I don’t know exactly why. I’ve found myself picking fights (excuse me) encouraging debate on these topics because I want to figure out why.
One example is Churchy issues. I won’t make a list here, but there are several places where I (because of the tradition I grew up in) differ from a number of people in my circle of friends. Some of them actually went to Bible School/Bible College (where my dad says they learned their stance. “Students tend to end up thinking like their teachers.” I pointed out the same holds true for us too). So they (seem to) feel absolutely confident in what they believe, and sometimes will even articulate with great lucidity (I like that word) why their view is true and/or reality from their point of view.
This showed me there are a couple ways to approach/use controversial topics. One is to explain the issue/topic using arguments and evidence, and one is to explain reality through the issue/topic. (Use the Creation/Evolution debate for your clarifying example here.)
Anyway. I have not been to Bible College, so I don’t have neatly packaged explanations for what I (think I) believe. But I do have a reasonable background in the Bible and have had the privilege to listen to people more articulate and experienced than me. So sometimes, when an issue arises, I punch out that I have a different view that makes me see reality *this* way, so can you show me why my view is inaccurate? Or, “This is why your view seems wrong to me. Did I misunderstand?”
This is when I like a debate. I like to find out if I have a reason for believing something. If they have a reason for believing what they believe, and whether those reasons are convincing.
The main difficulty that seems to grow from this is when the person I’m speaking with feels threatened or feels we are entering a competition. Then all the usefulness/fun is gone. Either they passively won’t engage (which drives me *nuts*!) or the interaction becomes much too high-stakes for my purposes. I really don’t expect they will change my mind.
Maybe I am trying to change theirs. But mostly, I think I’m asking for rain on my roof, so I can find the leaks. I’m not likely to move, but I’d hate to be living under a holey roof if a real storm came, so I’m trying to get things repaired now.
Trolls (or) The Point of “Comments” on a Blog
This is a funny thing to write about, I guess, not having many comments/commenters. I’m just exploring the theoretical, I guess.
One of the blogs I visited referred to the… dissenters/antagonists/devil’s advocates– whatever you want to call them– as trolls. Individuals feeding/acknowledging the debate were said to be “trolling” (a fishing term originally, isn’t it?) or “feeding the trolls.”
One of those labeled a troll took offense and asked if anyone who disagreed is automatically a troll, which I thought was a good question. He then asked if all the writer wanted was affirmation from her readers. Agreement and no discussion. Also good questions.
The answers would depend on the purpose of the blog I suppose.
For a “personal” blog I think any negative comments could be labeled trollish.
For an issues blog it gets more hazy. Some people like/want a debate, and opponents are not only welcome but needed (especially ones in a hurry, who type before they plan and put forward easily-beatable arguments. Those must be especially welcome).
Some issues blogs are more about discussion, rather than debate. With these I would tend to see the original post as a sort of maypole. This is the rooted topic that the comments wrap around and refer back to. At this type of blog I would consider trolling to be either trying to chop down the maypole (uproot/discredit the original post) or draw the attention off the topic (or the author’s treatment of it) and/or onto the troll’s self (or the troll’s treatment of the topic).
My favorite blogs are the first and third kind. Debates seem to me to be mostly an avenue to “Vent your folly,” since I’ve never heard of a debate that changed any of the debaters’ minds. It is a wonderful exercise to show how educated you are (and display opposing views in a hurry), but if one is trying to educate/influence others I’ve heard there are more effective ways.